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I had an appointment to go to my ob/gyn this a.m. for a pap and physical so that I can turn in my medical report to the adoption agency. I was so excited and everything to finally be taking another step forwards when..... here comes the doctor with his Do you have faith and patience questions. Dont get me wrong, I appreciate his concern and sharing past patients experiences with me but I almost broke down and cried in his office. I am pretty much over the wanting to be pregnant phase ( although I know the feelings never completely go away). I told him that I am not impatient!! I have been trying to have a child for 8+ years ( since me and my husband first married when I was 18)...anyway he went on to tell me how he understands the maternal drive to want a baby, but he wants to make sure that I am not doing this ( adopting ) if it isnt what God wants for me.... ( how would he understand my feelings? he probably has a house full of bio-kids). I am so upset....

He said I was still soooo young ( I am 27) and I have plenty of time ( that is what I was thinking when I first started trying, that was 8 years ago).......

I guess my problem is I am sick of all the advice people are giving me.. I dont want to here about the "troubles" I may have when I adopt a child. (That is why I am attending Mapp classes so I will be prepared for whatever happens). Why are peolple this way? So what if the kids are a handful at first, If those people where abused, abandoned, or neglected they would have problems too. Kids in foster care need a home too. Peolple who can have kids are always the first ones to say " is that what God wants you to do? ". Well, honestly I dont know what God wants, But I know I dont want to spend my life childless.

Okay,.... Lets say God doesnt want me to adopt ( which I dont believe) and I do anyway, what is he going to do? not give me a bio-child because I didnt listen to him and adopted? Yeah right he might give me a double blessing for opening up my heart and adopting a child that was abused or abandoned and etc.....

You know what? just by typing this I feel better.... ( See the internet can be therapy :0).

Sorry this is long but I really needed to let this all out
Thanks all
God Bless

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Fear not...this won't be the *last* time someone tells you how you should run your life...or try to tell you what God thinks about your decisions...

Trust yourself! go for it!!

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You're not alone...

I can't tell you how many horror stories I get, sometimes everyday. This relative adopted and... I have a friend who adopted and... My parents refuse to even bring up the topic in the hopes that it'll go away.

Didn't you know that ALL adopted kids were bad and unpredictable and ALL bio kids are good and predictable. I think that everyone who has given me these "warning" mean well. If you can believe that. It's just rude. I don't need anybody to bring God into my decision making as per adopting. I'm dong a good enough job of beating myself up believing that God wants me to be childless because maybe there is something dark, perverted and clandestine in my wanting to adopt. Well it must be, why hasn't it happend? I've had people say, "I think if God wants you to have something everything would just fall in place." In that case God doesn't want me to have anything, because I only know to fight and hang in there.

Just smile, and tell those who would say that to you that you know they mean well but you think there comment was rude. I've said this. They wouldn't warn a person expecting a bio kid to abort because "afterall, you never know what you're kid is going to be like, and what if you get a divorce"...
No they'd rejoice. These same people will forever view your child as being "not quite" and theirs' as being "real". Anything mistakes your child makes is because they're adopted and thus predisposed, their child is just learning by their "mistakes". It's a lose/lose situation. Their child crys and unruly in a store and the child is "cranky", another child does the same thing and it..."where are the parents?"

So you rejoice, and know that there are countless rude well meaning people out there who need educating. And part of that education is, keep your opinion to yourself.

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Why is it that someone else always knows you better than yourself? That's what you'll think if you keep listening. Anyone who has adopted has experienced your recent adventure (if not with a doctor - a parent, a relative, a friend) ... when that happens -- go to the adopt.org site or FACES web site and take a look at the eyes of all the children represented as being available ... they aren't there by their choice and know that when it's right you will have a child placed with you and even with any and every challenge presented you (know MAPP Class provides both the minimal and maximum adventures) that you will be making a difference ... something those who just have a (bio) child can't totally say they did it by choice. Stay strong and follow your dream ... you are extra special because of it. Always remember that ... and this board is the perfect place for venting, for sharing fears and scares and most of all for crying on shoulders ... they really care and are going through or have been through the same phase you are in and just knowing that makes the world of difference in keeping your heart on its journey!

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Originally Posted By yrand

When I was 18 years old I was told by an ob/gyn that due to
a past infection which blocked my tubes I would never get pregnant.At age 19 SUPRISE I got pregnant and had an abortion.
I've never used birth control or had a pregnancy since then
and I'm now 48 years.So doctors don't know everything they aren't God.If I had a dollar for every case where the couple adopts then the wife gets pregnant I wouldn't need the lottery.Follow your heart but use your head.Keep going to the classes and getting educated on the subject.If you adopt and then get pregnant two days later don't say I didn't tell you cause it happens more than you know.The only thing he got right is that you are still young and I wouldn't count you out
so far as getting pregnant is concerned.

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Originally Posted By yrand

If God didn't want Abraham and Sarah to have children it was a pretty funny joke He paid on them when they got 99 years old.In fact that's what Jacob means because when Sarah heard about it she LAUGHED!!

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Originally Posted By Sondra

OK, maybe that sounds harsh, but you know what you want so dont worry about what other people say.

I have a bio child. I had her when I was 26. I actually had a woman come up to me in a store and tell me that the problem with our country was that teens like myself were having kids and couldnt take care of them!! Now was she right?? HECK NO!!! First off, I wasnt a teen, she just assumed I was. Second, I was not on welfare since my hubby and I make plenty of money, but that woman accused me of being on welfare!! That woman knew nothing about me yet she made an opionion. Dont let the wackos of the world get to you!!!

When my husband and I decided to adopt, people thought we were crazy. Now we have one bio child and could have more, but we dont want to. People think that is totally weird, but I dont. They always say, "Tawni is such a good kid, what if you get a bad kid". I always say, "just because alot of people die in car wrecks does that stop you from driving?"

My husband and I have always wanted to adopt a kid or two.We have been very blessed and we want to help out some kids that need us. Yes, I could have a baby, but I honestly feel that there are kids aready out there who need us more.

Do what you think is right for you. Dont worry about what people say. Just be yourself and be happy!!!

P.S. You dont even have to listen to me!! hehe!!

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Thank you for such an honest post. The kids need parents with your attitudes. We have to have faith in THEM, regardless of whom our deity may or may not be!
Graham.

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I find it interesting that the possibility of a biological child seems to preclude adopting! Why wait to find out? Jump in, and join the rest of us waiting, waiting, waiting!!

I also found it interesting that your dr. felt free to comment on something that I tend to think is essentially none of his/her business. We go to dr's for medical care and advice, and since you didn't ask his/her advice on adoption it was somewhat presumptuous of him to give it. If you were in a quandary, and asked for help, wellll, MAYBE. But come on, I've read enough to know that 8 or 10 years with no children is considered an infertility problem. If you decide not to go through all the infertility procedures under the sun (or even if you do) and decide to tackle the adoption process, why would he discourage that?! Makes one wonder why he feels that way? You need a child, and a child needs a home. Adoption would seem logical to try, and if you eventually have a biological child, well, he'll have a sibling, won't he?! Sounds like a win-win situation to me!!

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Originally Posted By yrand

Sorry I forgot who begat who.Abraham and Sarah begat Issac who
begat Jacob well you get the point!

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Hi gt, sorry for my delay in responding. Been busy.
When I read your post I printed it and gave it to my partner, who just happens to be a nurse-midwife in a private physician practice. Her feeling was that your ob/gyn might benefit from some brief articles on what adoption actually is. There are wonderful people in all kinds of professions who are not experts in others! Lawyers come to mind for one (!)
The truth is that adoption has nothing to do with infertility, and infertily is certainly no qualification for adoption. They are two completely different things. Adopting does not cure infertility - it often makes it worse. Being infertile does not mean you should adopt. It could mean you can't parent. The awful phrase that well-meaning amateurs use is, "Well, you can always adopt". Well, you can't - not just because of infertility at least. Infertily is something very hard and sad and has to be dealt with for what it is, on it's own. It has NOTHING to do with parenting, and nothing to do with adoption. Once a family is done with the idea of procreating because of infertility, and has mourned that loss, then maybe adoption. That's the healthy way to go.
Ask an expert, you get an expert opinion!
See you on the chat again?
Graham.

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The agency that I am with also has an infant adoption program. Recently we took wardship of an infant that was basically abandoned at the hospital (that is another story). Since it happened over the holidays, I went to the hospital each day to visit the infant in the neonatal intensive care unit. Interestingly enough, I was approached by at least two doctors who wanted me to consider placing this infant with families that they knew. One actually was mad because I wouldn't discuss the future plan for the infant with him .It seems that our doctors here think nothing of trying to match families and possible birthmothers. They have been known to pressure single newmothers. Professional? I leave that up to you to decide.

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I have had the same experiences. The fact is, everyone thinks they can do "adoption". It's so easy! Right?. Duh - NO....