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Originally Posted By yvette

I came across this board and responded to a statement, and I have been listening in ever since. I am just about to begin classes in Houston called PRIDE. I hope to become a proud parent in the near future. I am excited and have learned alot here. To tell the truth, I am scared to death. However, I am willing to do whatever it takes. I have thought about this for years, prayed about it. Wish me well, and I'll do the same for all of you.

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Originally Posted By Graham

Good for you Yvette! Life is not much without some risks. We have half a million kids who are not going anywhere without good people taking risks on their behalf. Learn all you can, and do no more than you think you can handle (no matter what the pressure to do otherwise, or where it comes from).

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We have responded many times with these words "go for it". Talking about adoption is fun, taking the first steps are fun but once you get rolling there are alot of mixed feelings and fears, so know that you are very normal. When you go to the classes - remember they are being very realistic to scare you because it does take alot to adopt especially an older or special needs one but the rewards far outweigh those fears ... so don't run ... hang in there and you'll see how much these children really do need love along with parents. Love, consistency and caring make the future brighter.

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Originally Posted By Yvette

Thanks for the support. I have a million questions so I guess I better sign on as a member. When do I need to prepare for the home study. I'm told they will be looking for specifics such as fire extinguishers, cabinet locks, and clamps on the mini-blind cords? Also, I have room available so that's not a problem. But without knowing anything about the children waiting, when do I start to prepare the room, seek out day care or school information, etc? A person I know (though not very well) adopted three brothers. She told me the agency was impressed because she already had this type of information prepared. I may be way ahead of myself, but I don't want to wait until the last minute. I'm interested in adopting a toddler, though the book I recently read about this type of adoption wasn't very positive in nature. Are there more potential concerns with this age group?

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Originally Posted By yrand

Yes the journey towards adoption is full of twists and turns
and sleepless nights and doing your best to be well informed and calling and calling back and forth, and wondering
if you can handle it and worrying that you won't get picked.
Kinda sounds like when you first started dating huh? But
seriously if you're feeling any of these emotions it's normal
but it'll be worth it for some little child in the end, and
you!

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Originally Posted By yrand

Yvette you said you wanted a toddler of course
you know the twos,threes,and fours are challenging for any mom. One minute they're your sweet baby and the next they're throwing a tantrum. So I wouldn't imagine it to be much different with these kids only they've been through more trauma than the average child their same age. I would think more patience would be needed. Raising kids period is a challenge it takes courage and yes prayer definately helps!!

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Originally Posted By Graham

Hi Yvette, you absolutely need to attend adoptive preparation classes and read everything that's recommended. Two great sites are homes4kids.org and the "National Adoption Information Clearing House" (type that into your search engine including the quotes to get the url). Do you really want the truth about what adoption social workers are looking for in a home study? It's not really the condition of your fire extinguishers....it is of course what sort of resource you and your family will be for a waiting child. But underlying that is a more basic purpose. It's to catch people who have borderline personality disorder, or who have the propensity to molest or to physically abuse when under stress. It's also to ensure that a child does not get placed with a person who will give up under stress and be unable to complete their commitment. Any respectable agency will work with you as a partner in meeting your parenting goals, but the worker's number one responsibility is the protection of the child. That's what adoption workers are trained to do. That's why licensed agency adoption makes sense and private or facilitated adopted does not. And I'm sure I just started a new thread! Hang in and you'll learn so much that will empower you....
Graham.

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Originally Posted By Graham

And I'm beginning to get on edge waiting for yours! Maybe your adoption worker should check out this board! You help a lot of folks.

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Originally Posted By yrand

I'm really on pins and needles because it's already snowed here once and I wanted to get my girls settled in before winter hits which usually is'nt before Halloween. Now I heard that the worker wants them to go on Wednesdays Child which means to me they're still recruiting even though she told me they were considering 3 or 4 families and would make a decision in 2 weeks. I do'nt know what to believe now and I'm
a wreck!

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Originally Posted By Monique

I hope you know soon whether you get the kids, I will pray for you. That is so exciting! Also, I met a couple of foster parents at Starbucks for coffee. We had chatted in a foster parent chat and decided to meet in person. We live 5 min away from one another. It was great to meet our first real live foster parents who have went the same route we were going. One was married and had adopted an infant. The other one was homosexual trying to get custody of her grandchild away from her abusive daughter. I couldn't have asked for better diversities. We are all staying in touch at least, maybe even maintaining a friendship. I felt really confident going back to our county foster parent classes as the best way to adopt. I also found out the class instructor has never been a parent, but is teaching foster parent classes. (I don't mean a foster parent, I mean a parent) She was nice enough to offer me the phone# of another SW who is a adoptive parent and teaches the Kinship classes. What a relief!

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Originally Posted By yrand

Thanks Monique. All I do now is go home after work and go in their room and rearrange the closet of clothes I've already
bought and rearrange their drawers. Sometimes I lay on the bed and watch tv in their room while my significant other watches his programs downstairs. The Barbies and teddy bear collection greets me and seem to say "when are the girls gonna
be here?" At work it's tough too because there are so many women pregnant here and at least they have an idea when their child is due. I vowed I would not spend this holiday without
the sound of children in my house> I love dressing up for Halloween and passing out candy to the cute little kids in the neighborhood. Here in Denver it's always fun to go to the
mall when it first starts snowing and the decorations are up
and all the little ones are running around excited. I just want to experience these things as a mom this year is it too
much to ask?

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Originally Posted By yrand

I agree with you Graham about licensed adoption agencies versus private adoption agonizing and aggravating as it can be. Under stress some people do crazy things to children and
without the checks and balances that an agency puts them through how would you tell? Under stress I tend to shop which
accounts for three closets full of clothes plus my girls
closet is getting pretty full now too. By the end of this waiting period I'll consider shopaholics annonymous!

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Originally Posted By Monique

Here is what you need a big ((((((Yolanda)))) hug. Hang in there.

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Originally Posted By yrand

Thanks Monique. You know it's the Holidays that always get me.
Memories of my mom or grandmother baking cookies and getting ready for Thanksgiving dinner etc. Then I think of some little girl or boy out there whose never experienced anything
but abuse and pain. Sometimes it seems so hard to get the
kids who need parents to the people who want to be parents.

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Originally Posted By Mother of two

Hello,

my husband and I are presently going through the training classes for fostering/adopting a special needs child, offered by the state bureau of human services.

The thing is, we'd like to add to our family -- we have two biological children, preschool-aged. But I don't know whether we should start the process by fostering, or just go ahead and adopt.

At first I thought fostering would be a good way to "get our feet wet" with the issues of taking a non-infant into our home, and possibly issues of transracial placement, etc. But now I've started to suspect that maybe we should cut straight to adopting.

The reason is mostly that our real goal is to add a permanent new member to our family. Maybe fostering would be too painful and also, it would mean we had little say in what child was placed with us. I think that ideally, I'd like to be able to be a little selective in choosing an adoptive child. We're not expecting some "perfect child", but we'd prefer to avoid the extra challenges that a severely abused or mentally handicapped child would bring. I know that is selfish, but to be a good parent, I've got to be honest with myself. And apparently, about 50% of the foster children placed by this state agency can never return to their natural parents. So we could well end up adopting a foster child who was placed with us. But I'd like to have more say in choosing the child than you can with fostering.

Any thoughts on this issue, or people who can tell me about their experiences?

Thanks