[Yvette]

Hello everyone. I just needed to get this off my chest. I just did some sensitivity training as it were, for my 5 year old daughter's day care teacher and director. I am a single mom. My daughter came home three years ago. With Sunday being Father's Day, that is all they talk about at school. I know this because my daughter has mentined it several times while sounding sad or confused. I have taught my daughter that there are all kinds of families. Our family has a mother and a daughter. She is internalizing this. I want her to be accepting and proud of her family. But the day care needs to be sensitive to the fact that not all children live in a two-parent family. And there are many children who are in divorced or blended families as well. They seemed quite surprised by my reaction to all of their activities but admitted that they should show more sensitivity. I know I have only just begun to advocate for my child, but people give me a break. This is 2004 and you can't assume anything about a family or their lifestyle.

[Rosemary G.]

My children's teachers were surprisingly sensitive back in the '70s and '80s, before I started home schooling. They had my children do the art projects for their grandpa, instead of a father, which they didn't have.

[Original Mike]

First, its great to hear from you again, Yvette!! You are one of the great ladies of this Board!!

In our situation, it's Mother's Day that can get things stirred up. I can almost guarantee a higher level of surliness from my older son as Mother's Day rolls around. He's still internalizing a lot of anger at his bio mom and still isn't ready to let it out. Thus, I try to keep Mother's Day related stuff to a minimum, even avoiding Mass on that Sunday to skip the "Mom" themed sermon.

In day to day stuff, I've had to politely re-educate a few teachers that there is such a thing as a single male parent. One teacher in particular would always ask me when scheduling parent-teacher conferences "When can you and your wife make it?" Now, both boys find it funny when we get "official" mail addressed to "Mr and Mrs". I told them "Well, maybe I got a little drunk in Vegas and married Brittney Spears. I wouldn't be the first guy she did that with."

As a rule, however, I have been surprised by how great most teachers, coaches, etc have been.

[kamamsm]

You are correct to be annoyed. There are all kinds of families. Keep on teaching them!

[Indy]

One of my sons actually got me a Mother's day card and flowers! They all thought that was funny, because I am the "mom and the dad"! Most of the teachers I have dealt with are very understanding. Some even try to help me to "find a mom" for the boys! Ahhhh!

Yvette, as time goes on...your daughter will hopefully internalize the single parent thing and things like this will not phase her. With my sons, we go to my parents' home and honor my mother. Just a suggestion.

Good to hear from you again!

[echaos]

As a lesbian mom I anticipate that we will run into the same issues (Liam is only 23 months now). My partner and her family aren't big into Mother's day or Father's day, so we may just choose to not really celebrate at all. What we really need is more focus on Family Day. I can find grandparent's day, Mother in Law day but I can't find a nationally (or even better, internationally) Family Day. Maybe we should create one.

[dadfor2]

i cant believe they are still doing the mothers/ fathers day thing. i think its becoming rare these days that kids have actually two parents at all

anyway, i think echaos idea might be ok, but it wouldnt solve everything....'family day'.....but then there are the kids that dont have any families....then those kids wont be able to fit in.

i personally feel they should call it "someone special day"..just a day, that everyone can acknowledge someone special in their lives...hey, it could be more then one...write?

this way a child can make a card or gift, and give it to someone special..weather it be their parents, teacher, friend, foster mom, group home staff.....anybody the kids wants to acknowledge.

this way, no one is left out, and no one is singled out for not having a daddy, or mommy, or any parent for that matter.

plus, it gives me a chance to give my kids something too on 'someone special day"....then i acknowledge to them how special they are too me also.

but atlas, im a dreamer.....and this will never happen, because if hallmark can get two days (fathers and mothers) vs one day (special person day)...they will never go for it.

but if i can convince them, if they get 'special person day' they would actually be getting more money.....because then parents, teachers, group home staff...etc...will also be buying cards for everyone, they will be making more of a profit...plus the gifts...kids toys also...because parents will be buying their kids something special too......hows that for a marketing tool....lol

truth is, i hate these holidays, i find them to be actually cruel....lets force some children to look at their losses, weather they lost there parents by death or adoption, its just forcing the child to realize how different they are...and the losses they have at such a young age.

lets not talk about the family tree project....lol..i can go on about that too.....

i guess all we can do, is keep educating our schools about some of these issues. im sure if more parents came together they would do away with it....because i truly believe, there are quite alot of kids that dont have two parents living with them...


dadfor2

[Yvette]

Thanks for the support. I'm not asking the teachers to stop celebrating, just to be inclusive. I'm sure other issues like this will come up, so I'm just going to keep teaching her that she is fine and like Mr. Roger's says, "People can like you just the way you are!"

[Again!]

I told my youngest 3 to go ahead and make father's day cards. They addressed them to God. Problem solved.

[echaos]

Again! That's a great idea for families who believe in God, but unfortunately would not work for everyone.

I really like Dadfor2's expansion of my idea to a "Someone Special Day" and then no one is overlooked.

Let's all petition Hallmark!

[dadfor2]

echaos,

i agree..lets petition hallmark.

I remember we were hanging out with our friends, two gay men , who adopted two kids, siblings also. and we get together on sundays some times for our kids to play. (plus they have a boat and live on the beach....lol)...

anway....their kids are around our kids ages...and do they play well together

we were there the saturday before mothers day and while the kids were playing we were talking about what the plans were for mothers day....

then i heard his little girl say to my son..."i dont have a mommy for mothers day..."

our faces just dropped....we talked to the kids about the holidays, they appeared fine, but it really hit us on how much losses our kids have...

i think these holidays are a little too much....i wish i thought about 'someone special day' before so at least our families could of celebrated it.

i think how much easy it would be for our kids, all kids for that matter...

maybe we can all tell one family, and then they tell a family and so on...and who knows..if everyone is doing it.....then that will end the problem

oh, did you know that hallmark also has 'grandparents day'.....whats next?....'dog/cat/ goldfish day'.....lol


dadfor2