[kq7772]

My husband is an adoptee, we have been married four years and it seems tha I have some fertility problems. My husband was doing fostercare for special needs children when we met and we had a foster son with us for the first three years of our relationship. He was with my husband from age 13-17. He is out on his own now, and I hope will make the right choices in life.
Since it seems we won't be able to have biological children without a great deal of expense we both would like to go ahead with adopting, we planned to do this when me married but thought we would do it later in life. My husband and I are both disabled, physical disabilities. Aside from working with the foster son who had ADD, Attachment disorder, and some other issues we have combined over 12 years experinace working in mental helathcare. Me with children with developmental disabilities.
Our family thinks we are crazy for wanting to adopt a special needs child. I would just like some adivice. We were already okd for foster parents but I think that ran out a few months ago. I really would like to adopt to young child first since we have already done the teenger stage, I would like to have a large famikly, but start with one child. Just looking for some adivce feedback ect .

[Peggy]

You sound like you would make great parents! It should be not big deal to get updated on your status. Best of luck.

[HappyMomAnna]

Sometimes our families do think we are completely crazy! The great thing is that they are not the ones living our lives!!!!! WE ARE.... Many of us who adopt special needs childre face this kind of concern from our families and it really is normal for others who care about us to be worried about our choices... I always try to see it as love and support from my family that I can do something they either cannot or would not....

You should have no probelm getting your certification renewed and be on your way to a placement....Good luck and know that you have a great deal of support here.

[mom4jc]

Get going! There's a little person waiting for you! My best friend and her husband are the proud adoptive parents of two sons, and her husband is paraplegic and in a wheelchair. My husband and I were concerned that we wouldn't be able to adopt because we both have mental health issues but guess what: being less than "perfect" can make you a better advocate for your special needs child because you're more willing to seek out the necessary help your child might need. Don't let others tell you you shouldn't...you sound like you have lots of love to give! Godspeed!

[Original Mike]

That's my simple advice to you: Go For It! You guys sound like you'll make wonderful parents.

Of course, you will run into the nay-sayers from within and outside of your family. I know that when I decided to adopt the first time, some of my relatives expressed gentle concern that I wouldn't be able to handle it. On top of that, I come from a VERY traditional Polish family where the idea of me adopting as a single person was SHOCKING!!

Well, guess what, my relatives (with one exception) have accepted my son as one of the family. He's included on everything. The remember his birthday and Christmas.

When my second son came to live with me, it hardly raised an eyebrow. Because of the speed of his transition, I didn't have time to tell a lot of the family in advance, so I just sent out a blanket email to the relatives after he moved in. Nobody seemed surprised. They're all looking forward to meeting him.

[kiwi]

I heard the most wonderful quote last week from a woman who both works in foster care and has adopted 3 children with special needs-- "Some of these children and their issues are just bizarre... they need bizarre families, like mine to live with. That's why I adopted."

Just wanted to share that. There are special homes like yours that would be perfect for these special children. Good luck and hang in there!

[kq7772]

I just wanted to thank you all for posting. This past week my husbnad was put in the hospital for an unplanned operation and I have been down there with him. My parents came down one day, then the next day the pastor of the church we use to attend stopped by. I was about to go crazy with the " yall are so pitiful" attitude I couldn't stand it. Later that day I was given the book the purpose driven life, the last thing I wanted to do was read about how to be postive and junk, but you know it is stititng in a hospital I ended up reading it and came across a capter called you are not an accident. It really hit home, sometimes I wonder if me being born disabled and my husbnad being adopted the questions of our we mistakes has been discussed. This book says that even when we are born to parents who don't want us, or disabled whatever, God planned us to be here now and like we are whether that means or race or disability. That really just hit home somehow and reading on made me feel that mabye all the probelms we have gone trhough were to teach us so we could help others. Coming home from the hosptial today and finding all your post just added to my feeling that this is the right thing. Even though I don't know how it will all work out, God has it figured out and I just need to take action.
Thanks again
P.S. To one of the above posters my husband is paraplegic also.

[Barksum]

I found out that MANY people think our family is "odd". I found out that our adoption caseworker things we're at least half a bubble off of plumb.

Our family and friends have learned to accept that we are willing and able to make sound decisions for our family. We've had to just go forward and make the decisions and they have had to wait and see that we're not being irresponsible. It hasn't been easy for them (or us!) but we've been foster and adoptive parents now for a few years. The family is getting used to us having different children at every family function. We show up and everyone wants to know how many kids we have that day! LOL Then they want to know if we are fostering or adopting, how long they get to stay, what their favorite foods are, etc. etc. etc.

Interestingly enough, everyone in our family has learned to embrace these children, whether foster or adoptive, and love them for the time they are with us however long or short. Even the hesitant extended members. We become involved advocates for the kids and they are wrapped up in the large lumpy quilt that makes up our family.

We still get some funny looks when we talk about how excited we are about the possibility of another adoption. They still wonder how we can open ourselves to the unknowns and just take that leap of faith. I don't know how we do it either, but we just grab onto each others' hands and jump. Of course we do believe that this is where God wants us to be, and the children are whom He wants us to be with, so the leap isn't all that far or scary.

If you see this path open before you, take it. You'll find out what you can (and can't) do along the way. Like each of us adoptive parents you'll figure things out as you go along, and realize that your abilities lie in one direction or another. One piece of advice that we've found to be valuable is that it is ok to determine that a particular child or situation is not right for you. It's ok to say no. In fact, the sooner you learn that the farther ahead you'll be! LOL

[Happy]

I read this quote just today and wanted to share it with you. It is by Cardinal Newman and I think it is particularly appropriate for those of us involved in special needs adoption.

"I have my mission.
God has created me to do him some definite service; He has committed some work to me which he has not committed to another. I have my mission; I never may know it in this life, but I shall be told it in the next. I have a part in a great work; I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons. He has not created me for naught. I shall do good, I shall do His work; I shall be an angel of peace, a preacher of truth in my own place, while not intending it, if I do but keep His commandments and serve Him in my calling.
Therefore I trust in Him. Whatever, wherever I am. I can never be thrown away. If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him; in perplexity, my perplexity may serve Him; if I am in sorrow,, my sorrow may serve Him. He does nothing in vain. He knows what He is about. He may take away my friends. He may throw me among strangers. He may make me feel desolate, make my spirits sink, hide my future from me- still He knows what He is about..."
Take care,
Happy

[mumoffour]

Hi I know i am about a week late in this response but I hope someone will read it:-)
When I was 11 the elder of our Church wrote a text in my Book they had bought me for my baptism. It was Prverbs 3v 5-7
Trust in th eLord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.
That wsa over 30 years ago and I can honestly say that has been my verse for life. I hope to always think on what the Lord is guiding me to. Everything with prayer, May God Overrule!

We have been through many changes of direction in our married life, but always with prayer, we have stepped out in faith in one direction and the door been firmly closed, many times I have lapsd into distress and bitternesss for a while before accepting that maybe that was God's way of telling me, not there, not now!
Each time has brought us blessings, somtimes not seen for a long time afterwards.
In 1990 just 8 months after our first child came to us for adoption we were stood in a church for his funeral! How low can the human heart go into the depths of dispair, and yet even in that sadest moment lives were changed for God. People were saved at Luke's funeral, what greater tribut to a child's life.
Then in 1995 we lost our fist "homegrown" child, Benjamin was still born. At His memorial service we sang,
I do not know what lies ahead,
the way I cannot see.
But one stands near to be me my guide
He'll show the way to me.

For I know who holds the future
and my life is in His hands.
With God things don't just happen
Everything by Him is planned.
So as I face tomorrow
With it's problems large and small
I'll trust the God of Miracles,
Give to Him My All!

We have four living children now, two adopted and two home grown, we thought our family was complete until a little one was thust into our sight in such a bizarre and wonderful way we knew it was "of God".
We have just received the formal application papers and we are hoping that by her 1st birthday in October she will be becoming our daughter.
This child came into my life unbeknown to me in January/February of this year. I have communicated with her birth mum whilst being totally unaware that they were making that heartbreaking decision to give their beloved daughter for adoption. So I have been able to pray for her birth family with a little intelligence and am able to think of them with love and affection already.
We are so grateful to the families of our adopted children, without their sacrifice and heartbreak our joy would be impossible.
God works in so many ways, He has the whgole big picture in front of him and knows the plans He has for us...
Much love
Sorry I have waffled on a bit here...I do have a habit of that.
Tina