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Originally Posted By B

Graham, and other members of this forum,

My apologies for referring to other members here as ignorant. Especially, you, Yolanda Rand. It was unfair of me to call you ignorant. I'm very sorry. I am really surprised at the buttons that pushed. I am just tired of being referred to as "evil". You can't imagine how it hurts to be referred to as this evil person, when I know that I'm not.

And, to lump me in with every homosexual activist isn't fair either. We're all different. As I mentioned before, I'm a Christian mother of two who happens to be in a long-term relationship with another woman. If anything, I'm someone who can see both sides of the issue, and can understand that context plays an important role in how issues and rights are decided. To refer to having read "lesbian rhetoric" as a sign of "knowing the homosexual agenda" is frustrating for me, because you can't assume that I agree with everything that's said or every issue that's raised.

If anyone wants to discuss the issue of homosexuality and the bible offline, please let me know. I will not write anymore here unless attacked.

Regardless, this thread has gotten really off-track. and I apologize for my role in that.

We're talking about a hotly contested adoption issue here, and more than anything, I think we're right to focus on the kids and their needs.

Take care-
B

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Originally Posted By Mary

Good luck to you and I am glad you beleive in the Bible. It is sound good moral advice. It sounds like your torn a bit so you really DO understand where were coming from. It is always nice to hear a gay person say they beleive in the Bible and/or are christians. Not all people adhear to all the "rules", but you are making that effort like alot of us try to do. It can be easy for lesbians to hate religion since it is thrown in their faces alot because of their lifestyle. I think if you really pray and beleive in the Bible, slowly you will find your lifestyle changing. Don't even try, just have a good time and let whatever sink in. I beleive you are a really good person.

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Originally Posted By B

Mary-
I appreciate the intent behind your note. I'm sure that you are as frustrated as most of us by those who use their religion to justify hatred. There are many more people who do not hate, but feel compelled to use their faith to turn others away from what they percieve as sin. And as much as I don't agree with the message, I respect the intent very much.

I've been a Christian my whole life. I've done a lot of biblical research and a lot of praying, and with God's help, I've come to terms with my relationship with my partner.
I often think, who am I to question why God put my partner in my life, this person who supports and cherishes me, and most importantly, strives to make me make myself a better person? Could it be that Christ wanted me to understand what it means to be discriminated against, or perhaps to see how much "the package" doesn't matter? I think so. I am sure that may have offended someone. I am sorry for offending. It's not my intention.

There are a number of denominations (Christian,Jewish, Islamic) that are questioning their stance on homosexuality, and their role in administering to those who happen to be gay or choose the gay lifestyle. This is because there is a need to take the bible and apply its precepts to our life and culture. Every society through history has done this. We have a living faith because of this. Some groups have identified a number of old and new testament laws as culturally mandated (e.g. eating pork and shellfish, sowing more than one type of grain in a field, the mandate (from Paul) for slaves to obey their masters,etc). Some groups put homosexuality in this area. The homosexuals of the times of Isreal were prostitutes. Their behavior broke a number of religious laws. There was no such thing as a gay "couple", (or, if there were it is not related as such). That sex happens outside of marriage is biblically wrong. However, who mandates a marriage? God, right? The state does as well, but the state doesn't have to mandate a marriage for it to be right in front of God, right?

I just wish that Christians and Jews would focus on those other areas of the bible that deal on other ethical issues. You don't see too many Christians worrying about being too rich to get into heaven (a camel through the eye of the needle, I love that phrase!), or being kind to the "least of these, my brethern".

Okay, I'm babbling. I'm not torn about my identity. I am frustrated that folks who don't know me make such huge assumptions about who I am. I'm sure that as Christians we share that burden in a different way.

Take care-
B

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 Your sexual life is none of my concern. HOWEVER, I am getting really sick of the debate, and so have decided to say what is on my mind.

Being a parent is NOT about being gay or not gay, and any one who can deny the following is not thinking clearly.

Being a parent is taking pride and joy in what your child takes pride and joy in.

Being a parent is holding your child's head as they throw up (and if you are like me, you try real hard not to throw up too.)

Being a parent is handing over your sandwich or whatever when your kid tells you they are still hungry after eating all of their food.

Being a parent is praying with everything you got when your child is in the hospital really sick.

Being a parent is taking them to their first day of school, then hiding in car so you can cry without anyone seeing.

Being a parent is a thankless job that is lot of work, but we do it anyway.

I think you fit this catagory. (And I think everyone in here fits that catagory.) So can we drop this and get back to the kids?

Bottom line - gender or sexual preferance doesn't make a parent. It's the heart that does it. The rest of it is just a smoke screen.

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Originally Posted By Mary

So I will stop with this debate. Rita your letter is a keeper!

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I am glad you two are friends, and that you liked my post. I was going to drop this, but I thought of one more thing I'd like to say, so please forgive me for dragging this on again. If I was a child again, and didn't have my family...all alone in the world...I'd be pretty scared. I'd want someone to call family. As long as they loved me, and took care of me, worried about me....was proud of me...(you know what I mean...the parenting stuff...ss) I wouldn't care WHAT they were, so long as I had a place to call home and people to call family...for all I'd care they could have six legs, be green and furry, and have a tail! so long as I was loved, cared for and felt I belonged. Isn't that what really makes up a family? Anything else, well - that's out there, out of the home...home is a safe place to come to, where the only thing that matters is the people inside. Again, this is only what I think I'd want if I was alone. The rest...the religion, the morality, the question of race/religion/creed/whatever...the debate on right or wrong....do you think that is really a child's top priority? It wouldn't be mine if I was small and alone! But, I really don't feel it's my place to "toss stones"....I'm a single mother, so I guess that means I live in a "glass house" too. I try to preach tolerance to my son...it doesn't mean you AGREE with a person, but you let them live their own lives. I don't have to agree with a person's choices in everything in order to call them a good parent. What works for me might not work for someone else....what works for them might not work for me. That's life.

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Originally Posted By Monique

Hello Rita
I am sure many children identify with your letter, I also did. I was not sure of your term "glass house", but I think it was some sort of comparison of your lifestyle to a gay lifestyle. Those are two completely different. I will tell you my story, sorry it is so long. About a year or so ago, I thought I might be a single mother due to problems we were having. We are very lucky to have had those problems because we are better than ever now. That is why we are choosing to foster parent. My parents are still together, but my Dad was practically never home. Usually just to sleep 8 hours then leave immediately. I didn't really know him and he drank alot. My Mom had severe emotional problems, but she's ok on meds now.When I was younger, I used to fantasize alot for a different family. I don't ever remember thinking any family that would love me would due.I would notice families out somewhere.I would notice the Dad's hug the Moms or hold hands with the children, maybe at a mall or something. I would wish I could be a part of that family. My father did spank alot, but quit when I was seven years old. During a huge fight, I threatened to call the police and have them take me to a different family. I was a hard child (ADHD)and would have followed through with the threat.Maybe I was physically abused, it was definately close. After that, he never spanked me again. I never envisioned a gay family as who I wanted to be with. I don't beleive any child would have that envision and there IS a reason. Two Mom's or Dad's would have never done for me.I needed both sexes and still do even at my age (30 years old). I love older men and women usually in their fiftys or so, around my parents age. I have one friend I lay in bed with and cuddle. She is 58. If no one is around, we will cuddle for about ten minutes and there is nothing sexual. I would also love to cuddle with a older man, but I am sure my husband wouldn't allow it. This is almost an obsession or something. I am constantly noticing older couples who I think I can become close with and who might let me kiss them, hold their hand, lean on them etc.. without wanting something sexual. This is not usual acceptable behavior so I obviously don't do it except with my close friend. If I was a child who was alone, I would not want just anything to love me. I would need a male and a female. A Mom and Dad, nothing less. I feel it is a need in all of us. I think your letter applies to some children, not most children. It is just not that simple that kids will be happy with whoever loves them. I think I relate well to foster children and all children because I give them what I missed. My husband is very loving, I could never replace him as "Dad." I agree kids aren't picky, but I will never be convined any child can do without a particular gender. Homosexuals do not provide this, PERIOD. Single parents often have the opposite sex boyfriends who become husbands at a point. There is at least faith that there could be a Dad around sometime. Gays can always promote the children being with a male friend, but it's not the same. The feelings between a male and female can be so exciting, arousing etc.. my 8 yr old feels it when he is around us. He feels the gender differences responding and I know this gives him comfort as he falls asleep in our bed with us. You thought your letter was long! Thanks for listening. I gotta go now and become a "member of this forum so I can be official. Take Care

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Originally Posted By Monique

I'll get it right next time

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Originally Posted By B

That's great! Thank you! I wholly agree with you! I don't want to beat this dead horse any longer either!
Take care-
B

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Originally Posted By B

RTIA,
I think you were just the person to break through this blockage. Thank you very very much for your emphatic statements.

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If you want to call me Rita and not RTia, that is okay....actually Rita is kindda cute, don't you think? ss You had a good point. Some kids will only do well in a 2 parent home. Some kids can thrive in a one family home, or an "untraditional home" or whatever they call it. Just like we as adults are all different, so are kids. You wanted/needed the traditional family...me, I could have dealt with an "untraditional one". We are different. I think the social workers take this in to serious concideration. I have noticed that on some of the postings it will say something like "this child would thrive in a 2 parent home" or "this child is willing to become part of a single parent household...". I think a lot of it depends on the kid. I know my son does pretty good with just me.

this is my thoughts on this matter, for what they are worth. Now, any advice on how I can become a big sister? Someone suggested that this might be a way to "ease" into the idea of fostercare/adoption, just to help quiet my fears. I have no idea of where to begin. Thank you for your time,

RTia (or Rita - that is cute...lol)

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Originally Posted By Graham

Hi Rtia, I've enjoyed your thoughtful posts. Thanks. Re: Big Sister, that's certainly one way to gain experience but it does mean investing in a long term relationship.
The same is true of becoming a CASA advocate for a foster child. One way of gaining great experience without the long term commitment is to be a respite family for another adoptive or foster family. That way you take care of a child or children for anywhere from a few hours to a weekend, to give his or her family a break from the stress of the parenting work. It's a great way to meet the children, and to get a good sense of the work that is involved in a adoption. Almost any agency would be glad to work with you on that basis. My agency is always looking for respite parents.
Hope that helps. Graham.

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A respite parent...hmm, that does sound more about our speed. I'll check that out too! Thanks. What is a CASA advocate? Also, the Social Worker lady won't return my calls - do you think it's because she is really busy, or do you think she's avoiding me? Should I speak to someone else? I've got a million questions I'd like to ask. (I've only called her the one time, to get the packet.) Thanks,

RTia

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Originally Posted By yrand

I almost missed out on the group hug and I'm not trying to be funny. You all sound like you're here for the best of these kids and I'd prefer someone like you adopting any of these
kids than some wimps with no backbone. See you on the new board. Love Yolanda

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Originally Posted By yrand

In most cases it's the squeeky wheel that gets the oil. She's probaly very busy so don't be ashamed to call her till you get her. I worried too about calling too much but the ones in
my class who were the most agressive have already been placed
and I'm still waiting. They mostly wanted boys and there are more boys available in our area.