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Originally Posted By Rinda

Going back to non-special ed school related issues, what about teachers and administration?

It took me like four months of complaining and talking to the principal of the school to get them to change my daughters name and pull out all old records from her school file after the adoption. It really upset her a few years ago when the made her use the name of her biological parents (the ones we have told her she would never have to see again) (the same ones that severely abused her for four years and on what were supposed to be supervised visits with a social worker). So just this week I go to her schools' open house and posted in the classroom is the library check out list and it has all of her old name and part of her real name listed. I was a little P.O.'d at this. I made them take it down and throw is away. Yes, the clerk in the library did not know it was that big of deal, but it is to me and my daughter. They just don't seem to understand.

I do get sick of answering adoption questions. Anymore I have even been known to say yes I was 19 when my daughter was born, no I'm not married, I'm an unwed mother. We are as much of a family as anyone and my girls are my real kids.

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Originally Posted By Graham

I feel for both you and your child, and understand. I've seen the same thing happen to lots of families. No one at the school intends to cause harm, it's usually that the bureaucratic systems that they employ are often not efficient (teachers probably like bureaucracy about as much as the rest of us). Name changes have to be made in a lot of different places, and some get missed. If you live in a different school district from the child's foster home it doesn't improve things, because the old record is simply transferred to the new school. An important point to make is that school records are NOT confidential. A lot of people can get into your child's records and find out a lot about him or her, and maybe about you. It is not a good idea to let confidential information (such as your child's social history or adopted status, get written down, even in an IEP.) If you have developed a trusting relationship with the teacher (important to do if you can) then you may feel OK sharing sensitive info verbally, but don't let it get into writing. Adoptive families also often feel caught in a bind if they share information that might be very useful to the teacher but they are fearful that the child will be "labeled" if they do. A good example is a history of drug exposure in utero. If the child is making good progress in school it's a hard decision to make as to whether or not to risk advising the teacher ahead of time. I'd welcome thoughts from the teachers on the board!
Graham.

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Originally Posted By Rinda

Thank you for your reply. It is just part of some of the things that we deal with every day. My oldest has not said much about it for about a year now. (About the school using her old name or when it comes up somewhere like the doctor or something.)

I had a realy interesting battle over an early intervention program that was run by the local school district. It ended with my other daughter not attending their program, but I was told they changed their policy. They said that our final decree of adoption HAD to be part of the school record or they would HAVE to let the biological parents see my daughter and take her out of the school building if they showed up asking for her. I spoke and wrote letters of complant to the top administers of the school board and the organization. They did eventually give me a verbal appology stating I was correct. I did not have to produce such information to keep my daughter safe.

Hopefully this stuff will stop happening a while.

Thanks again for a reply
Rinda