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Originally Posted By Manuel & Tammy Parks

My wife Tammy and I started our adoption process several
months ago (June) and are trying not to get discouraged as
we wait and watch for what will be happening. We have gone
through the Exchange Books several times (a heart wrenching
ordeal) and most of the kids we pick out seem to be already
adopted or "on hold". How long should we expect to have to
wait until we find a child that fits our family and how many
children do most people have to pick before finding "the one"?

Also, if you are a couple (or single) just starting the whole
adoption procedure, please feel free to visit our family web
page which has an adoption link. On the adoption page you
will find a week-by-week, blow-by-blow of our adoption process.

Our web address is...

http://www.innernet.net/manuelcp/index.html

from there click on the adoption link on the left (you may
have to scroll down to find it.

Thanks in advance for anything you can tell us to give us
hope as we move through this process.

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Originally Posted By yrand

In my case I've been waiting a year almost. I was passed over once so far in the process. It does take time and it's a very
nervewracking process to say the least. If you don't have
patience get ready to learn what patience is or don't even bother.

[Archive]

Most agencies advise at the onset of the adoption information request/home study preparation that the home study itself can take between 6 weeks and 3 months and then the "child search" process anywhere from 6 months to a year and then placement of the child/children 6 months from award - depending on pre-placement visits, etc.

Our last adoption took approx. 12 months from home study update start to award and then placement 3 months beyond that. Patience is a hard thing to maintain throughout all the waiting and wondering and hoping but please do not give up! There is a child who needs you awaiting and believe it or not there is a reason for every delay or disappointment. During our process we reviewed the histories of over 300 children and were chosen for a handful of placement possibilities which seems unreal as there are so many awaiting children but the workers are justified in making sure just the right family is chosen and then presented to three Selection Committees prior to our sibling group award and no-one knows the hurt more than hearing "it was between you and one other family and the Committee chose the other family because ..." and yet if we hadn't been passed over for those we wouldn't have the placement we feel so blessed to have now.

Check the internet sites every day, check the exchange book updates at every change and submit your study for any child available and talk to the workers - you might be surprised at what you learn - sometimes a child appearing undesirable may be the child of your dreams - the worker is required to reveal each fact and many of these are negative with these kids at the time yet those issues can be addressed and resolved. Remember too that the foster families are required to report each and every incident to cover themselves and some simple behavior reported by them and passed on would be handled and put to bed if in a birth home vs. treated as a major issue. That doesn't mean that there won't be behaviors and issues to resolve - it just means that you can give a child a chance and watch him or her learn and grow not only is size but also in caring, kindness and love. Again - this may be wordy but know best that its all the advice we could get that kept us going!

(P.S. We too submitted our names for Rachel & Patryk [and their older sibling who was adopted separately] but now reviewing the current write-ups understand that their worker was serving their best interests even tho several interested parties were left disappointed when their permanency plan was changed - as I mentioned above - there is a reason for each and every delay - hang in there!)

[Archive]

Originally Posted By Graham

How long depends on a range of factors, such as: the demand for families for the type of child you are ready to adopt, the degree of priority your local agencies are placing on moving children into permanent homes, your own readiness to make the transition to childrearing, and many more. I usually give reporters who ask the answer that it takes a few months to think about getting pregnant and then nine months of pregnancy, so a year to two years is normal and natural. Of course it can be much faster, in the interests of a particular child that's waiting, but maybe too fast for the family who needs that time to mentally transition and to educate themselves fully on the life ahead of them.
As the song goes ,"the waiting is the hardest part". Actually, it's not, but it sure must feel like it at the time!
Graham.

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Originally Posted By Pam

If you want a white or hispanic child 0-5, you'll be waiting a long time. These kids are pursued by many. This particular time that we adopted (it is our fifth adoption) we felt that a boy between 8-11 of any race would best fit into our family. We had agencies pursuing US and had a probable placement even before our homestudy was completed. Even though our child has already been picked out, t he process isn't as fast as we hoped it would be because of all the paperwork between the two states. We've already adopted four times, and it always takes longer than we expected it to. Back to length of time for a referral, I really think how flexible you are makes a lot of difference. The hardest kids to find homes for are African-American boys. Girls of all races get adopted more easily, and white and hispanic kids get adopted more quickly than black kids. BTW, there is now a federal law that makes it illegal to deny a child a placement due to somebody being the "wrong" race. Good luck

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Originally Posted By Manuel & Tammy

My wife and I are very flexible, we have expressed interest
in either a single child or a sibling group of up to 3
children (so long as at least one is a girl{3 bedroom home
with one birth daughter already}) in the age range of 0-12
with our real hope being the ages 6-12. Any race will be
fine with us. However, our worker is not real keen on
trans-racial adoptions but is willing so long as we are.

I guess it's just really very, very hard when you find a child
in the exchange books, that just looks so perfect for your
family, not to delude yourself and get your hopes up. We will
continue to wait and "try" to be as patient as possible.
But I must admit, this to me is like dragging out that time
while waiting at the hospital for the birth of our daughter.
Just so much waiting, wondering, and praying. I guess this
will just help us build character as we anticipate the gift
of our future child(ren) from the Lord.

Thanks so much everyone for the words of encouragement.

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Originally Posted By yrand

I know just how you feel. You look in the books
or online and you see those little faces looking out at you and you yearn to just take them home with you. But it's not that easy there's so much paperwork and waiting and hoping
just to find out they're taken already. With interstate adoptions these kids are being adopted out all over the country away from everything familiar to strangers in a new
area it must be hell for them too! I prefer to adopt here in
my area but since girls in the age range I'm looking for are sought after by people of all ethnicity I may have to broaden my search. I work full time and can't afford to go flying on
long distance pre-placement visits, nor can I compete equally
with all the white couples with stay at home moms that are adopting black children. So it's rough out here and only the strong survive hopefully more workers will be open to single
women adopting and not automatically place children with repeat adopters.

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Originally Posted By yrand

You are so right about foster care reports on a child.The incident that they might report as acting out or up could be nipped in the bud with good parenting.That's why I passed on
foster care I didn't want to deal with the hassle of reports
when you can't do anything to really correct the behavior. The
worker who came to see me didn't even know the child she was the lead caseworker but there was another one who actually knew the girls. So I took what she said with a grain of salt
knowing that some foster parents are more involved than others. With proper supervision, guidance, and yes discipline
some behavior can be changed.

[Archive]

Originally Posted By Hattie

You didn't mention whether or not your Home Study is final. That is going to have a lot to do with your time in the cue.

In my state they seem to get people in by showing them the pictures. They don't tell you until later that you won't even be considered for a child until your study is complete. In the mean time, it's hard not to look at those faces.

If your study isn't complete, I would encourage you to use this time in prayer and preparation. I made the choice to pray for the children in the Exchange that I felt drawn toward. Pray that they would find a loving forever family, even if it wasn't mine. I'm now waiting with you. I've been waiting since April. There is a forever child out there for me.