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Originally Posted By Monique

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we have just completed an adoption in the works for three years i know what you are saying about this behavior it takes a long time to find what works with each child and it sounds like you are looking in the right places for help and never be afraid to ask for help when you need it we are still having those behaviors after three years but some days I can see progress and am waiting for the day it clicks and he realizes this is forever and the past is never comming back to hurt him.dont give up.
cat

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Originally Posted By Debbie

As a child grows older, there will often be behaviors that will

arise that will surprise a parent. This is true with adoptive

and biological children. Irregardless of how a child becomes

part of a family, there most likely in the future will be

something that will arise that will surprise us. It is our job

as parents to seek out the resources needed to help our

situations. This is a constant responsibility of parenting.I

recently met with a sixteen year old who was adopted at the

age of three. According to her parents , she was a perfect

child until she hit the age of thirteen. In talking with her, she

indicated to me that she really didn't understand what the

circumstances were that surrounded her adoption. She

blames herself for the removal although she was too young

to remember it. She fanticized that she would be better off

with her bio family. These are all very common thoughts

for an adoptee irregardless of whether they are adopted

as an infant or an older child. I am in support of Graham's

post. Find a counselor or therapist who know adoption

issues. Maybe her problems are not solely because she

is an adoptee, but at least that possibility can be explored.

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Originally Posted By Originally Posted By Debbie



As a child grows older, there will often be behaviors that will

arise that will surprise a parent. This is true with adoptive

and biological children. Irregardless of how a child becomes

part of a family, there most likely in the future will be

something that will arise that will surprise us. It is our job

as parents to seek out the resources needed to help our

situations. This is a constant responsibility of parenting.I

recently met with a sixteen year old who was adopted at the

age of three. According to her parents , she was a perfect

child until she hit the age of thirteen. In talking with her, she

indicated to me that she really didn't understand what the

circumstances were that surrounded her adoption. She

blames herself for the removal although she was too young

to remember it. She fanticized that she would be better off

with her bio family. These are all very common thoughts

for an adoptee irregardless of whether they are adopted

as an infant or an older child. I am in support of Graham's

post. Find a counselor or therapist who know adoption

issues. Maybe her problems are not solely because she

is an adoptee, but at least that possibility can be explored.

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We too received three children (5, 6, and 10) who we were told would be easy, because they had no "significant" problems. HOWEVER!! As the workers were leaving our home after droping them off, they warned us of sexual acting out, abuse of animals and attatchment problems the 6 yo would have. WOW! Wish they would have told us this before we flew acrossed country to visit, got attatched, went into debt and accepted them into our home! NOW WHAT!! We have had the kids since December, and in August, we finally found some one who could tell us what their problems are and help us. They all have post tramatic stess, reactive attatchment,many emotional and developmental delays and the oldest has a disassocative personality disorder while the two younger are ADD. AUGH! We have three bio children and we were concerned about receiving kids like this and feel lied to and used. Our homestudy specifically requested we not receive kids like this. We have been under a great deal of pressure to maintain the placement, financially and emotionally. I thought we were the only ones.....Somedays we feel totally frustrated with the placement while others, we think we can make it. We want to adopt again, and on those frustrating days feel if we threw in the towel, would be destroying our chances.......We love these little ones, they are making progress.....we are adjusting. We feel if we maintain we are hurting our chances too. What a mess! But, we believe we will make it all the same. It will be tough but anything worth doing tends to be in our experience!

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If you are unable to take care of these children yourself, it would be better for them in the long run to be with a Foster Parent who would have support in dealing with the Children and their problems. Foster Parents go through several months of training and so many hours depending on the Child that they take in. You may be allowed to have visits with the Children or be in touch with them if you are a relative. It is hard for Children to thrive in a place where they are not wanted. They will only get worse and harder to handle. Age makes a difference in dealing with them. Once they reach the teen years, it is even harder to deal with them and reach them. Your local Division of Family and Children's Services will be able to give you more information. If you can not find them in the phone book, you can locate them by using your search browser on your computer. Just type in "Foster Care". I hope that this helped you.