[Anigel]

I live in Florida where Carlie Brusia was kidnapped and then later found dead. For those of you who don't know the story, she was only 11 years old.

My placement request is for 5-12 years of age, so this has really struck a chord in me. My goal as the parent of an older child would be to protect them, to keep them safe from harm, allow them to grow up to into the adults I know they can be, all while enjoying the childhood they have left. I think we all strive to create and maintain the proper environment for our kids. No matter what their past was abuse, neglect, or something else.

I think that type of past makes it all the more intimidating. How do you help your child cope with their past so they can move on, the same time they are settling into a new home, maybe a new school, new rules (new everything)? Then add to that keeping them safe so no one else can hurt them? On the radio this morning there was a child psychologist who was expounding "talk to your children" inorder to keep them safe, tell them not to talk to strangers, etc."

So as a parent of a newly adopted older child, with so many important things to talk to them about, do you let the worry of strangers slide a little, until they are settled in? Do I need to be with them every minute, waiting for them, while hoping that someone else, at their foster home maybe told them not to talk to strangers, not to go anywhere not even into a car with said strangers? One of the ploys these people use to abduct children is to tell the child their pet is missing. Will the child help them look? That's downright scary. I have to tell them not to help someone look for a lost pet?

I wouldn't adopt if I didn't think I could keep my children safe. I'm just wondering how can I talk frankly with abused children about the future potential of pain, when I'm working so hard to help them past what's already happened? I certainly wouldn't want my new little one lying awake at night worried about be taken away by yet unknown. Or prolonging the healing process.

Where is the balance?

[lucyjoy]

Another big problem is that the children who have been moved a lot have trouble with the word stranger because they kids getting moved by strangers to live with other strangers. Some lady comes and says get in my car you'll be safe, live with these people you'll be safe. How do they know?

I've taught my kids to not answer adults in cars or adults that ask them questions when mom or the teacher isn't their. I've taught them where safe houses to go to are, how to kick and scream to get loose, never to go with anyone without asking mom, no matter what the person tells them. I've taught them how to get out of a trunk of a car.

Two of my kids would still go with any stranger at any time. The rest of my kids even early on would come in the house if a car stopped or someone they didn't know approached them.

The one thing older kids in the system do have is good survival instincts That helps.