[dadfor2]

hi,

my five year old, i think, is obseesed with fire. I know with kids with attachment issues, this is common.

Before we got him, he did have a 'fire starter' eval and the doctor felt that he didnt have an issue, but he was deemed to young to get a sence

But he does seem obsessed with it, not all the time, but likes to watch fire on TV. He face lights up. "daddy, look,a fire"

the only thing he remembered about bambi, was when the forest caught fire, not that mom died....

in the summer, we had the barbecue on and he went running to look at the fire. Both kids did, but the younger guy seeemed more interested in it.

Around christmas time, i had a candle buring in the living room and he was so excited. He just looked at it and asked to blow it because he said it makes him nervous, but i think he just likes to blow them out

He brings 'fire' up every once in a while, but its not often, but when it happens, you can sort of see a gleam in his eyes.

He has no desire to play with fire trucks or pretending there is fire in his play.

Im not sure if im making a big thing out of it due to his pasts record.

We were over my wifes sisters house the other day, who had a fire place buring and he said "i like to warm my hands" he also says that about the candle buring. He does put his hands near the flame and rubs them like he is getting them warm, but keeps a distance.

I know alot of kids, including adults, are facinated by fire, but how do i know if its an issue or not? are there any signs?

what about the candles? part of me wants to keep them lite so he can get use to seeing the fire so its not that much of a facination or will I be trigging something? When he came to us, we have nothing buring in the house at all. We still dont.

or do i just need to relax and see what happens? all his therapists knows about it, but it never really comes up, just his 'contol'...



dadfor2

[HappyMomAnna]

My bio daughter was a fire starter! It was a difficult life with her. She started her issues when we went to a family wedding when she was only 3 and stayed in a big hotel. At 3 am the fire alarm went off and we had to evacuate into the streets. I was holding her as we started to exit our room and at first was thinking it had to be a false alarm! Then as we were going down the stairs I smelled the smoke! and had a mild panic attack--on the streets we saw the fire and the action of the fire deparment putting it out--and never went back to sleep that night.

Following this our daughter became crazy about fire in every way! Just the same as your son seems to be--she was attracked to fire all the time. When she was 6 she pulled the fire alarm at the Rec Center where she had dance class and got glee from the evacuation process!

She used to be thrilled at school on drill days! And then progressed to setting fires at about age 8! We contacted the fire department and were given a referal to a fire therapst who worked with children. She had therapy for about a year! And also spent time at the fire department.

As a teenager we saw some flair ups (pun intended) At about 13 she 'tried' smoking because she liked lighting matches. She always wanted to be in charge of lighting the birthday candles and at Girl Scout camp outs had to have the job of 'fire starter' at least once on a camp out!

As an adult she is still into fire a lot--she digs incense and candles and thankfully does not smoke! I assume she is going to always have an interest in fire but, thankfully she never caused any damage with one she set. I am not sure if giving her the outlet in Girl Scouts and other areas was helpful.

She now loves the Drew Barrymore movie 'Fire Starter" yikes--and I guess she will always like fire a lot! All I can tell her is to be sure she keeps her renters insurance---and is very careful with her candles.

[bumpkin]

My 6 year old son, adopted at birth also is intrigued with fire. I think it could be the age. I think kids get intrigued and that age from 5-10 could be dangerous adopted or bio. My husband and his brother lit a piece of paper on fire and when my M-I-L smelled fire they dropped it into a bucket to hide it - well, you probably can guess the rest - the barrel went up as well. Luckily it was in the kitchen close to the sink, otherwise the house would have gone down. My B-I-L is a fireman and he says that's the most dangerous age because kids experiment and then try and hide it to not get in trouble (blow the match out - but put it in a barrel and cover with tissue paper or something). I guess you'll have to continue to watch him, but don't jump to conclusions yet. Good luck

Bumpkin

p.s. we have a gas fireplace that is on all the time and since we put it in he is less interested.

[BabsCanada]

I am of the opinion that this is just sort of a normal childhood fascination - our 7 year old is also entranced by fire, tho she has never attempted to do anything dangerous -
I'd be willing to be your local fire dept would love to help you here. I know my daughter has toured the fire dept with her daycare and again with her school, and she is very well versed in the Stop Drop and Roll thing, as well as many other things about fire.
I bet your boy would benefit from some hands-on learning here.
Babs

[crick]

I agree with the age factor issue. All my boys (6,4,&3) are fascinated with fire in terms of looking at it, asking a lot of questions about what it does, how it turns colors, etc. They also know how dangerous it is and they enjoyed the visit to the firefighter's day we had in the community.

I don't light candles a lot since they do try to blow it out or put their hands up to it, but I do light them sometimes and am around to supervise very closely. I find that they look at it for about 5 minutes and then are off to other things.

I also allow my 6 year old to help me cook twice a week and he is learning hands on how to be careful around the stove and oven. Course they all were very quick to point out to me that I did a stupid thing when I turned the stove off one day but in the course of moving things around on the counter to serve up their plates, I put a paper plate on top of the just turned off burner. Of course it smoked and started to burn and they were all screaming "fire! fire!" It was quickly put out and no harm done but at the dinner table that night they all had a very serious talk with me about the dangers of fire. Even told Daddy what I did and said "we talked to mommy about it though so you don't have to." Sheesh! lol

I think as long as your son isn't actively trying to start fires or talk about starting fires, that as long as you keep an eye on things, it's more likely the age factor.

Crick

[lucyjoy]

They talk about fire a lot in school at this age. My 7 year old talks a lot about fire and alarms.

I have two true fire setters and there is a difference. They don't verbalize that much about fire, but they do set them and they stay to watch them burn. R set bmom's clothes closet on fire when he was four and tried to stay in it and watch it burn. His brother saved him but he said R fought to stay. R set a fire in their yard at a foster home. He tried to burn down our house, but the lighter he stole had a child safety switch he couldn't figure out how to use. He wanted to use gasoline, but couldn't break the cabinet lock. D has showed up with lighters, but hasn't used them. He set a school bathroom on fire in a previous placement.

I don't think I'd panic too much.

[HappyMomAnna]

This is a link to one website I found that is well laid out and gives us some good ideas on this issue--many of the other websites I looked at have simular info:

http://www.wcfmo.org/juvenile_firesetters.html#Fire

Curiosity Fire Setting

The child is usually between 3 and 10 years old and is almost always a boy. They prefer to spend time alone and may be hyperactive.

The child is curious and plays with fire to learn about it. Fires are usually set in a closet or under a bed. The child will usually panic if the fire gets out of control. Fires set can cause major damage or even death.

Treatment at this stage is fire safety education.

Problem Fire Setting

The child is usually between 5 and 12 years old and is almost always a boy. They may have a history of school and social problems. Recent changes in life or suffering from stress or injury are common.

The fire is usually random or ritualized and located in or around the home.

There is often no clear cut reason for fire setting. This could be used as a "Cry for Help."

They will continue in this behavior until stress is relieved or they are taught safer ways to cope. There is a very high chance of repeat fire setting.

Treatment at this stage involves professional counseling and fire safety education.

Delinquent Fire Setting

The child is usually between the ages of 10 and 18 years old. They can be both boys and girls and are almost always in a group.

The fire is usually at an outdoor location and could involve dumpsters, grass or other vandalism type fires.

The child tends sets the fires to impress their peers, out of boredom, or to be defiant.

Treatment at this stage involves professional counseling, restitution and fire safety education.

How Parents Can Help

Parents play an important role in helping prevent fires involving children. Here are some ideas to help:

Keep Matches, lighters and other fire setting tools off limits to your children by telling your children to immediately bring you any matches or lighters that they find._ Set consequences for children if they are found with any fire setting tools.
_
Encourage your children to tell you about any other children playing with fire.
_
Make your house fire safe by installing smoke detectors and sharing with your children the responsibility of checking the detectors once a month.

Keep all matches or lighters in a place that is not accessible to children, such as a locked cabinet._ If you smoke, keep lighters on your person or in your purse, not scattered around the house.

Lock up all flammable chemicals, like gasoline, turpentine or lighter fluid.
_
Teach your children fire safety by planning fire escape routes from each room in the house and practicing fire drills at your house once a semester.

Practice with your children stop-drop-and roll and crawling low in the presence of smoke.

Discuss with your children the good and bad uses of fire, the dangers of fire and how quickly it spreads.

Also, make sure your children are supervised at all times.


Frequently Asked Questions

Is it normal for children to play with fire?
While curiosity about fire is common, fire play or fire setting is not normal and can be deadly.
_
Is fire setting considered pyromania?
Pyromania is a mental disorder, fire setting is not. It is a behavior which can have many reasons and which can be stopped.

Who do I call if I suspect a juvenile of fire setting?
If you suspect a child playing with fire, contact the Fire Marshal's Office immediately. Provide them with as much information as you can about the child and their location. Remember, you can remain anonymous.
_
My child needs help, who do I call?
If your child needs help overcoming fire setting, Many Counties have a Juvenile Fire Setter's Program designed to assist this problem.

Is this just a phase that that they will grow out of?
It is not just a phase and you must deal with it immediately or it will continue to happen.


p.s. If your child has NOT set a fire he is more then likely only interested in the flames and heat--I wouldn't get worried unless or until he palys with the fire alone or starts a fire

[dadfor2]

thanks everybody and happymom,

that was very helpful. He just seemed more obsessed then his brother.

I actaully dont have doors on his closet because when i saw he had a fire started eval i kinda was a little leary.

i guess we will see what happens, and yes, there were times when the candle was lit and he eventually went to look at something esle

but ill keep an eye on him and see. I never leave a candle lit without me in the room

dadfor2