[Isabelle]

My daughter has Cornelia de Lange Syndrome and she has severe mental and physical handicaps and autism. She is nine weeks old and has just left the hospital today and went to her foster carer. I would like to hear from any parents who have done this and any foster carers who can reassure me that my little girl will be cared for. Foster parents do love the children they take in, don't they? My Isabelle will be feed and cared for? She has a lot of medical needs and I am worried that the carer won't be vigilant about remembering to give her the right medicines at the right time and feeding her at the right time. Why would a stranger get up in the middle of the night to look after someonealses child? Please can any foster parents out there give me advice on why people are willing to do this. I need reassurance that the foster carer will look after Isabelle properly. I am absolutely heartbroken and need reassurance, please.

[jojobear]

Just to let you know. I have a 22 month old in my care and I love him very much....he has some issues. None as bad as your daughter. However just to let you know. We had a rough night with him he woke up at 10 pm and would not go back to bed and stayed awake until nap time. We held him, rocked him and everything else imainganable. We do love him and care for him just as if he were our own.

Hope that helps.

jody

[HappyMomAnna]

These kinds of Foster parents are special people.....like missionaries, or misiters, nurses, advocates, and all the other noble kinds of people in this world..... These kinds of Foster parents are called to do this work inside of their hearts.....They have a magic kind of love that most people will not understand. just like the people who deliver luch to old folks for meals on wheels.....They have a special reason this is what they choose to do..... They want to....they need to....they love to.
If your baby has been placed in a Medically special Foster Home be sure in your heart the caregiver has a reason to get up in the middle of the night and meet your babies needs.....

My Aunt does medical Foster Care--and takes care of babies and children who are very very sick---she love this work,she loves her children and she has special bonds with them....she is well trained, and well educated and always supportive of the parents, and others in the childs life......one little girl my aunt has cared for over 20 years! This little girl will never be any better or older then 3 or 4.....every single year my Aunt takes this very special child to Disneyland.... Be sure your little girl is in a safe and loving place.....and should you have reason to think her needs are not being met talk with the caregiver---and talk with the caseworker about your concerns......

[Isabelle]

Thank you to everyone who has replied to my post. It is so hard to leave my little girl and I am so glad to hear reassuring stories. Please keep them coming. Am I doing the right thing? I don't know. My husband and I want to raise Isabelle, but she will have so many probelms and may never know us at all even if we keep her. It is good to know there are people out there who will love her.

[jojobear]

she will want to and need to know you. I think her foster family would love it for you to visit with her.

for sure there is a family for her and for you too.

Jody

[leastofthese]

I know it has to be hard to entrust your most treasured blessing to another's care. I can assure you though, that there are surely foster parents who will, indeed, love your precious daughter as their own.

I have 2 medically fragile babies in my home right now. I treat them just as I did my own daughter who had lots of medical issues. These babies are not my own, but I treat them as though they are because they are God's.

As to why anyone would be willing to care for and love someone else's children as their own, I can only tell you why I do it. In the Bible, Matthew 25:40, God says, "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these, you did for me."

Caring for these children is my way of serving God. They are blessings, whether mine by birth or not. If I didn't give them the care they deserve, I would be denying Christ himself.

You are right to be concerned, though. Please do not become too "comfortable." Ask lots of questions of the foster parents--not accusingly, just to let them know you REALLY ARE concerned for and love your baby girl. Keep up with and ask for reports from any doctor visits or other updates. You can even request to be allowed to be present at Dr. office visits. I have one parent who comes to some of our appts. She also comes to my home for different therapy sessions the child receives. That may depend upon your specific situation, though.

When a foster parent knows that you are "actively involved" and really do love your child, they many times will feel a greater level of accountability to you and will do a better job helping you keep up with things. If you do not show an interest they will still do a wonderful job of caring for your child, but you will certainly be left "out of the loop."

I hope you will feel at least some level of peace with the family that is caring for your daughter. I know it must be hard. Develop a relationship with them--that is what is best for your daughter. I hope and pray your situation will work out for the best for you and your baby girl. God bless.

[misskittty]

HI ~

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I just finished reading "Shattered Dreams-Lonely Choices" (birthparents of babies with disabilities talk about adoption) by Joanne Finnegan. The entire book is about birth parents (real people and their individual stories) who are unable to parent their babies with special needs. Hopefully you will find some solace from this book and not feel like you are so alone.

Hugs,

Linda M in VA

[carolinec]

i am sorry your going thro so much. I am a medically specialized foster parent with a challenged 6 month old, who's mother is unsure whether she will raise him or not. Myself, as his foster mother, love him as if he was my own. His birth family is part of our family, and tho she is making no attempts to be part of his life, other than weekly visits, she see's he is loved and accepted and we try to keep her updated on his progress, if any, and what he is going thro. She try's but it's hard for her. Please know, that we only take in children with medical issues, from mild ( preemie's, failure to thrive, global delays) to moderate/severe(LGS, CP, Down's, autism,seizures, micropreemie's etc) This is something I LOVE doing. We enjoy being part of the child's family, and being able to care for and love, the child and help the parents with that child. We do our best to show the parent how to care for the child, and guide them, if they choose to want to care for them, and take them home at some point, we allow contact following the return, if appropriate.

The foster parents who take in special needs children, do it for the children. We enjoy making a difference for that child, and seeing to their care, to help them progress to their highest functioning ability. Please know the foster family will take good care of your baby, and would most likely welcome your attention and love for her. Be part of your baby's life in any way possible,and she will learn to know who you are and that you love her, even if you can't care for her now. Stay in touch, keep communication lines open so the foster parent knows she can ask you questions, and vice versa. The more involved you are, the better it is for everyone. Good luck!