[oreomutt]

(I don't know if this has been published here, but it's fitting)

Welcome to Holland
By: Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned." And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

[mckenna]

that is wonderful, if you don't mind i am going to print it and show it to a friend who just had a child with down syndrome and is having a difficult time coping.

[oreomutt]

No problem, I got this off of another forums area. I think that this needs to be passed around to many people.

[babyblues2]

My pastor in church actually read this essay and did a whole sermon around it. Which brought me to tears. He did not state what the problem was until you hear the very end of the sermon. I cried, relating it to my miscarriage and my new road (Holland) into adoption. Thanks for posting it.

I had my first (bio) child who is now 13 yrs. born with undiagnosed, severe global developmental delay. This was the motto I lived by and many people sent to me. I then adopted/fostered children when I became pregnant for the second time ten years later. When my only other "bio" child was born "typical" (hooray!!!!), a good friend who had also experienced both Holland and Italy sent me a card that simply said....

"Welcome to Italy"

I cried then and I still cry now. "Holland" has taught me so much. ..What to really appreciate and what is truly important, but "Italy" has also taught me just how beautiful "Italy" is and to not take it for granted.

A beatufiul poem always worth sharing. I sent it to the maternity nurses when my "Italy" was born, knowing they had met and had concerns with my "Holland". I've been to both lands and both are truly beautiful in their own way.

Mom to four
"Holland" 13 yrs.
USA Adop S 7 yrs.
USA FS 5 yrs.
"Italy" 3 yrs.