[koodos_76]

We got our boys June of 2002. Just within the last month I have noticed some problems in my three year old (4 in september) he is the younger. His older brother is exactly a year older. Anyway. He is winny(typical for the age), but when he goes to my mother-in-laws house to be babysat he always pee's his pants. He doesn't do it anywhere else. My mother-in-law lives with my neice and sister-in-law. I asked him why tonight and he said he did it because he was playing x-ball on the computer and no one would be quiet. Is this an attention thing? He doesn't do it at anyone elses home, but he doesn't go anywhere else much. I'm just trying to figure out if there is something there I should start looking at now why he is younger. Every morning he asks if we are going to work and gets disappointed if I say my hubby or I have to go. He only goes to my mother in laws one night a week for about 4 hours. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Koodos

[Sharon]

That sounds like it could be ADD or ADHD. My son was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 4. The excuse of acting up because others "won't be quiet" is VERY familiar to me. I think you should have your son evaluated by a therapist. ADHD is common and treatable, but only a therapist can make the diagnosis for sure.
Best of luck, Sharon

[lambeausam]

Or it could be typical - "I didn't want to stop playing __ to take a potty break. Out of 12 foster or adopted kids, 7 of them did this between the ages of 3 and 4. All of the kids had mastered day-time toileting before turning three. However, it seems that once they become "toileting experts," they think they can hold it indefinitely or wait until the very last moment.

Just a suggestion - make a babysitting rule. He has to go to the bathroom as soon as he arrives. Then have your mil set a timer for 90 minutes and have him go again when the timer goes off.

Another thought - go in her bathroom with him and ask him if there is anything that frightens him. My 4yo is afraid of toilets that flush loudly.

[lucyjoy]

I'd bet on the too much fun to go potty, but there's an off chance he could be angry at you for going to out at night after being at work. You need your time with your husband, so maybe he shouldn't play computor games if it causes him to pee his pants.
(Of course, this is someone else's house, so if she wants him to play games, let her find the solution). The timer thing might work also. YOu also might try rocking him for 15 min before going out.
My niece had auditory processing problems and also couldn't stand toilet flushing(vacuums, her brother's trumpet)

[dadfor2]

my 5 yr old, and sometimes my seven, if they are so into playing what they are playing, they have known to have an accident now and then.

Plus, we dont have any video games at our house. But i have seen kids play with them, they are so into what they are looking at on the screen that sometimes you have to actually stand in front of the screen to get them to know your even there.

so, i wouldnt worry about it too much. plus, our pedi told us that with some kids, their bladder takes a little longer to grow then the rest of them.

dadfor2

[toyjsu]

Have you considered buying him pullups. Perhaps this will convince him that going potty in his pants is something babies do. It is not the way to get attention. This is not being mean. If he has a problem controlling his bladder it would happen anywhere not just at Grandma's.

[SoulWhisper]

I had a hard time not laughing at this one, forgive me, I am an old mom and I realize you are new to the game. This is so normal in children, especially boys. They get so busy and occupied that they pee their pants sometimes. It isn't weird or an indication of any horrid problem. Dadfor2 hit it right on.

The answer you got as to why is his little reason that he thinks sounds good or more acceptable, don't diagnose and treat something that doesn't exist. If he is lying it is because somehow he does not feel safe telling you the truth. Do you get angry when he has an accident? If you want the truth from your child, you must provide an environment where he feels safe to be honest. Children lie out of fear.

My question is why only at mother in laws? lucyjoy pointed out there may be something scary in her bathroom, could be, but more than likely he either feels very comfortable there or very stressed there if it does not happen at home. That would be my only concern, ...stress.

When I was little and had to stay in the hospital at 5 yrs old for a week, I wet the bed everynight out of fear of the nurses I didn't know or like, I just couldn't call those mean women to help me. Little children have fears that to them are very real and powerful sometimes. That's just kids.

Bed wetting is also the norm for many... as Dad again pointed out, some children's bladders just grow more slowly than they do. Bed wetting out of emotional disturbance is something else and is marked by dry periods of approx 3 mos. A child with immature bladder development will wet the bed consistently.

Relax, your child is very "normal"

[tsegat45]

I can think of numerous examples in regards to my own children and other children I've known. I remember that for years my son would not use any washroom except the one at home. There were many mad dashes to the bathroom when we walked in the door. He rarely used the washroom at school when he was in elementary school. He just wasn't comfortable for some reason. He didn't even like eating at someone else's house!

Of course he outgrew all this. Kids usually do.

[Teresa K]

I agree with the others, this is normal...I also had to snicker, after a few kids very little relating to potty training will seem abnormal.

But, as another posted it may be something in the bathroom itself. My neighbor has a son a bit older than my 7 y/o but they are in the same grade at school. In kindergarden the mom noticed he ran to the restroom as soon as he got home and a couple times he got off the bus in the freezing cold and wet his pants. First grade he would call her every day about the same time sick. After a couple weeks of this she realized he needed to go potty and would not go at school. Mind you, the school the boys go to is new, and very nice. So for a time everyday she picked him up, took him home to go potty. Finally we discussed the matter with my son, her son, and the teachers who agreed my little boy could leave class to go potty with my son at a certain time of day, twice a day actually. My darling son is very sweet and caring, he finally asked his friend what scared him in the school restroom. Well, come to find out it bothered the other little boy that it was dark, the lights are to be off if no one is there, so whenever he went, it was pitch dark as there are no windows. So my son told me, so I told the neighbor who thought "well duh!!" Gave the boy a flashlight to take with him and it is over.

So, as others said, it is hard to say what the problem is. There are many good solutions, but your son is very normal I would assume... good luck, someday you will probably laugh about it all, Teresa

[oreomutt]

I agree with all of these posts. Probably something pretty basic is preventing the potty party at the MOLe's (mother-out-law) house.

You can also try some basic behavior mod tricks - with the help from MOLe. Have her set the timer to go - for the first few times, have MOLe remind boy that he is to go try to potty. After a few times, keep setting the timer, but no reminding Boy that he needs to go. Everytime he goes on his own (with help from timer ding) he earns a sticker. So-many-stickers earns a reward (extra book to be read at night, choice of dinner...whatever it may be. After some time, you can decrease the frequency of the timer, but have MOLe reward him with a sticker when he goes on his own.