[jackie]

Hi All,

I spent so much time trying to find where everyone went to back when the boards went through some big changes. After some time I gave up. But today I decided to give it a try and I see alot of names that are familiar. I must say it is nice to see you all. I do need to read and catch up with what you all are doing, and I guess I should give an update as well.

We just celebrated having our ds for a year, and it has been a year. We finalized in January and his caseworker could not believe he was the same child. We have had our challenges, but looking back they don't seem all that bad.
What made me come on here today looking once again for some familiar faces is a phone call I got yesterday. The agency called to ask if we were ready for another adoption. They have a disruption situation. I need to get more information, but the caseworkers feel that we would be able to best parent this child. The child will be a challenge, and of course will come with more issues being the child is coming from a disrupted adoption. The child also has some Attatchment problems, but has been able to bond with the adoptive parents over the past several months. Now that attatchment needs to be broken. I am assured that the problem is some issues with the parents and not the child, but I will not know anymore till the end of the week. The other thing is that there will be no time for transition. It will be a fast move within the next month or two.
I would love to hear from anyone who has brought a child into their home after a disruption, and also from anyone who has had it work for them with no transition time. I know the first year will be the most difficult since this child will be so skeptical about the forever part if we bring the child into our home after a disruption. We think we are up to the challenge, our biggest concern is our children already here. Will they actually help the healing process for this child or will the anger in this child disrupt our entire family and put the other children at risk. The cw feels this child has made wonderful progress over the past several months and this would be in our favor, but it will be alot of hard work putting the pieces together. We will also get to speak with the child's therapist and get more information, too. Thank you all. I respect your advice.

Blessings,
Jackie

[aMarylandfamily]

Isn't it funny what time can change. Glad to hear things are well with your ds and the past year.

Isn't it exciting and scary - another placement. We have experienced both "placements" - one with visits/transition and one without and there are neither pros nor cons to either ... it's different with every child and being from a disruption must be a clear and clean cut so the child does not face divided loyalties and guilt of the first adoption not being successful ... notice I said "not being successful" vs. "not working" - there is a difference. The largest conquest for an adoptive family taking in a child from a disruption is to ease the child's fears that he/she is the cause - they may be but that doesn't mean a placement won't work with your family. They need to understand that "it's ok - that home didn't work successfully being positive with the positive things that did come from it - if he/she attached at all there must have been some ... and then let the child know that its a new start with your family and that the placement can work and the areas that wouldn't will just have to be worked a little harder and different on. Know this is wordy and hope it makes sense.

Keep us posted and keep posting - we need some action on these boards which have gone fairly quiet lately. Alot of folks, like us, have had difficult years with disruptions - in our case need for psychiatric hospitalization follwed up by current residential treatment placement that is having its ups and downs at this point ... but we still have alot to offer and alot of support needed to get us through.

[lucyjoy]

I've taken three children from three different disruptions with little to no transition. I think it is easier that way as the kids aren't being yoyo'd back and forth thinking they can go back if they just become a better kid.

I would be very leary of the discription of a child with attachment problems disrupting that was not due to the child. This screams severe attachment disorder to me. Just a caution to tread carefully. And it also would send me a red flag that she has been bonding to her adoptive family over the past few months as it's disrupting. She would not have had anything to bond to if the parents were ready to give up. She may have been attempting to prove she couldbe good to keep the placement. That could indicate some desire to bond, which is good, or she could be feeding the social worker a line for attention.

That being said, some of the kids I was told were difficult were fairly mild and some of the kids I was told were just some attachment difficulties were way out there.

One of the things I did that was helpful was have the therapist I was planning to use go over the file with me and we discussed concerns and had a plan in place fairly quickly before the child arrived.

I found the other kids helpful with other children, especially since their backgrounds were similiar. Any change, though, will upset the balance but recovery of the healthier children is much quicker then the first time. Also, there may be some fear that this child's family quit, will mine?