[sk8termom]

This boy is about 3, non-verbal, non-potty trained. They are considering giving up this child for adoption. Do these kids get adopted? I'm sure they wouldn't want to see this child caught up in the US foster care system and not finding an adoptive family.

I wish I could help them - but we are already parenting a mildly autistic 16 year old and moderately autistic/hyperlexic 5 year old

Thanks so much for your feedback,

Gail

[lucyjoy]

There are people willing to adopt these children, but many do end up sitting in fostercare or being institutionalized. Are there any support groups in their area that can help them learn to care for their son or provide them respite care? Have they checked with the state for help obtaining respite or services that would allow the to parent their child? Unless they are willing to search and find a home for him themseslves, their child could likely end up a ward of the state. If they decide adoption is best, there are some agencies and attornies that will allow a parent to retain custody of the child until they can locate a family.

[ballet_slippers]

Autistic children are extreamly intelligent, yes and a handful, I hope before they make this decision that they will try to find help in dealing with their child,
YES they are adoptable, any child is.

[sk8termom]

I agree with you about autistic children being intelligent! I'm constantly amazed at the talents of my autistic kids - Diane has perfect pitch and a near photographic memory. Alexander, 5 1/2, has been reading since age 3.

I will continue to suggest to this family that they get the services both of you have talked about. Hope something can be worked out.

Thanks so much,

Gail

[louise]

rainbownine from PP.

Nothing much to add to post except it is a challenge to locate paps for a sp. needs child without agency help. And most agencies do not want to have a relinquished child on their hands without a pap.

[sspete]

As a mother to a 8 year old daughter who is on the autistic spectrum, she has PDD, but she is a behavioral nightmare at times, my heart goes out to your friends. There is help out there for them in the way of a behavioral specailist through their school district. The child is three so he qualifies for the ppcd program, or early childhood program. I wish them the best in getting the help they need to parent their child. It indeed takes help from a professional to know how to parent these children properly as you know. I wish them luck and many prayers!!!! S Pete

[sk8termom]

Good to hear from you rainbownine - are you posting on the alternate board these days? I can understand what you are saying about agencies not wanting to take on kids who won't be quickly adopted.


To S Pete - Thank you for your thoughts and prayers for this family. I hope they will go after the help they need to keep their family together.

Gail

[Kindreds]

My sister is a special ed teacher/autism specialist. Most of the children in her program are foster children. They are very difficult to place in adoptive homes. Most of the foster placements are problematic but the state turns a blind eye, they have no where to place these children and the foster home conditions are very poor - too many children, nutrition poor etc. As a teaching professional she struggles with this daily. Encourage your friends to seek out public programs to support them and their child. I hate to sound the naysayer and hope others in the forum see it otherwise.

[rindava]

I am also a special ed teacher. These kids can be wonderful and many people are waiting to adopt them.

Check out NATHHAN (i think it is) anyway it is a site about homeschooling special needs children and it also have a list of people waiting to adopt special needs children. so try searching for special needs homeschooling.

When I worked at a state residential school many students were in foster care from there. Part of the reason is because so many of these kids get taken off the adoption list and put on permanent foster care. It really is not fair to them, as their are people wanting to adopt these kids.

I work for the regular public school system now and we see most of the foster kids in ED programs, not the severe or autistic program (of course that may be that the milder kids can function in regular foster care.)

There are people out their who would adopt the child. Giving them over to social services is not a good idea.

[mrbeansmom]

I am the adoptive parent of four children on the autistic spectrum (two high functioning, two low functioning). Ours were adopted by us before we knew they had autism. We are currently home studied and waiting for another child to adopt, but we have specifically requested NO children with autism. Contrary to the thought that "autistic children are intelligent", statistics show that over 70% of children with autism are mentally retarded. There are some who have talent in certain areas (savants), but they are NOT the norm. Many of the higher functioning children (Aspergers) are bright and do well academically, but the lower functioning, classic autistic, children do not. While there are families who will adopt these children there are few people waiting in line to do so. Placing privately will offer them the choice of hand picking the family to raise their son. At his age, he would simply languish in the system if they turned him over to foster care, I'm afraid.

I love my four with all my heart, but I will not lie and make it sound like it's been some magical journey. They are HARD work and their behaviors have caused us to become prisoners in our own home. Your friend would not even be considering such an option of giving her son up for adoption if raising him were not the work it most likely is. That would be an absolutely heart wrenching decision and he must be quite challenging for her to even entertain the thought. Is there no one to help her? Are there no supports in place to help them with him?

Juliana

[rindava]

Autism and PDD have a wide varitey of ways they can be.

Most, even if they are of average intelligence, function very much like a person with mental retardation and need some one be it parent or public agency, to help them through out their lives. My son came with the dx, PDD....but that is another story all together as we don't think he has it.

The points I want to get across are the vast majority of people with autism are not like Rainman, but many, many people would love to adopt the child. There are thousands of people out there who feel every child deserves a home and really do want to help children.