[Mom_Of_Many]

Just a quick note. We had a long talk with our therapist and she feels we were mismatched with Rayon and is recommending he not return. We are very relieved as our experience with him and Raphie have exhausted us and we have little left to give to any kids other than the two in our home, Lucas and Nicole. We all need to heal from a nightmarish year, and are doing so. I have moved on from adopting kids to nurturing and loving small animals with my dogloving daughter, Nicole. We will be breeding toy poodles with a friend who has cocker spaniels. Our furry friends have been better therapy for us than all the therapists on earth. I recommend that anyone considering adopting an older child with special needs read every book available on RAD and be ready to be a very different kind of parent than you'd be if you were giving birth or adopting an infant (I've done all three). This is a calling that is for very special people who can handle a child who may not love you back, sometimes at first, sometimes never. They will need to be watched constantly....you need high energy and nerves of steel (I have the energy, not the nerves of steel...it got the better of me). Be prepared for anything----when I say anything, I mean anything. You never know. Don't expect the profiles to be accurate. I also highly recommend not adopting any child older than your younger kids, unless you can montior them together constantly. I don't want anyone to find out their older c hild was a sexual predator, like we found out (and what a good actor he was, and how great he was at knowing how to scare my other kids into silence). Do not think you can save all kids----some can't be saved. Most of all love and luck. I have not read the boards. I just felt compelled, as I stayed up late tonight (again) to post about how our family is dealing with our last year of hell with the two older boys. I am so burned out on kids I can't even go back to babysitting to make much needed money for our family. Yes, hub, I and my two kids whom I adopted very young and whom I love and would die for will now breed dogs and live a peaceful country life. Yes, I feel we will heal. No.....we will never consider even fostering babies again. You know when your time is past. This is not for everyone. Be careful. And have a good journey and, hopefully, a more positive experience than we did.

[Linny]

Pam:
Our paths have crossed on boards before. Our family has been where you are; and presently, I am in the process of finding another residential home for our RAD (and other dx's) son. In RTC three years, he has made no progress whatsoever....couldn't care about it either. He is agressive, impulsive and very dangerous and he will never live in this home again. (This is the recommendation too.)
Like you, we were denied the info we asked for. Four years of living like an RTC, and we finally wrote our own grant proposal to get state funding. Not only that.....but we contacted an attorney who 'found' the info we were to have had. Oddly enough, the paperwork stating his 'insanity' had the dept's name written all over each copy---stating they received every copy of every report. Hmmmmmmm......we all know what was going on. Unfortunately, we were so 'trusting, when we were given the answer of "No, we can't get that info for you", we had no idea we were being 'tricked'.
Anyway, yes, you will heal. Go on with your lives and love the children who can be saved, as you say.
I continue to tell my story to persons considering older child adoption. It IS a totally different way of parenting...not necessarily 'worse'.....just different. And the expectations from the older adoptions (of which we still have two successful ones), is different than the baby adoptions we have.
Even so, be good to yourselves. You have done what you could and can help others who may/may not find themselves in this predicament.

Sincerely,

Linny

[louise]

I think you have made a wise decision. Enjoy your children and those puppies!