[super seven]

we have five really great kids, all in school. we are foster parents and didn't expect to ever adopt but... well, anyway, we have a 7 month old since the hospital, his 3 yr old brother is going to be joining the family over the next few weeks. in the decision making process of whether or not to adopt the brothers, one of my concerns was for my youngest who is in kindergarten, i worry that she will feel lost in the crowd, especially in the beginning while the 3 yr old will need constant supervision and attention. My solution was to find daycare one morning a week and be able to work in my daughter's classroom, I have gotten mixed opinions on another board so hopefully there is a worker here who has seen this kind of thing and can give input. The child has no delays, has no attachment issues, has been in only one f. home and that home was a day care provider so there has been peer interaction. OPINIONS PLEASE!

[vicrose]

I am a mother of three children, and when my oldest 2 were younger I had gotten a divorce and was forced into the workplace. So, I had no other choice but daycare!! Well, the women at my children's daycare were so loving and nurturing, I couldn't of asked for a better environment for them. I now have another little girl who is 3, and she attends nursery school 2 days a week, 2 1/2 hrs a day, and once again I have found the teachers to be soooo loving. I do believe in daycare if it's not too much time away from the children. You are devoting yourself to adding 2 more children to your family, and you have to make sure you have balance in your home, you have to make everyone feel wanted and loved, and if it takes sending the smaller 2 children to daycare for a few hours a week, then I say go for it!! Don't feel bad. Try it and see how it works, if it works, then continue with the daycare, if you see it doesn't work, then discontinue it. I know that you are going to love these children, and they will probably love going off for a few hours to play with other children, it'll just be playtime for them. Sincerely, Brenda....

[lucyjoy]

I answered you on another board, but I thought you said four days a week daycare. ONE morning a week daycare should not harm your 3 year old. At first he may act up after daycare as his fear of abandonement may be a little higher then normal at that age. Just expect to have to hold him a little more after daycare on those days.
Also, put the three year old to bed a little earlier then the five year old and let that be the five year old's special time with you. He may regress slightly and want more holding or rocking also.

[super seven]

first, thank you for your help, (that was four hours, one day per week)and even that seems like a lot. Let me ask here for some more wisdom from those who have gone down this road already.we are adopting two brothers, infant and three yrs. there is a long history of heroine, coke and alcohol abuse and mental illness issues with b mom. the baby was addicted to methadone at birth. since we brought him home from the hospital he has been tracked by early intervention, so far no outstanding delays, growing right on target no feeding, sleeping or colic issues at all. because he won't have to ever leave his home we have no worries about his emotional health. The three year old has been a darling on our visits, we have been taking him for the day, will do the first overnight next week. We have had him at our home, shopping, macdonalds. so far the only bad thing he said was shut up, and i think the foster family just talks that way. He has responded to limits, and being told "no", and "we don't throw things" etc., there has been cuddling and gentleness towards the baby, he accepts and gives affection, looks at us so forth and so on. My concern is that I may not pick up on warning signs of problems like attachment issues or anger or grief over having to leave his only home in his memory. What kinds of behaviors would make me want to call a therapist, any clear warning signs you know of would help us to avoid delaying help. THANKS AGAIN!!!!!

[lucyjoy]

I'm not real good with signs for kids that young, but if it were me, I would do some reparenting type things like bottle feeding twenty minutes a day(especially since you have a baby) keep him near you to play and play on the floor with him. Rock him everyday for at least 20 minutes. When he pulls away from you or throws tantrums, pick him up and hold him closely to you so he can feel your heart beat.
If he's having nightmares, doesn't want to be held or touched, won't let you comfort him when he's hurt, these would be signals to me that he needs more attachment(does not mean he has attachment disorder). If with in a few months of attachment reparenting, he isn't improving in any of those areas(if they're problems at all) then I would seek a therapist to evaluate what else you should do for him.
I kept my five year old with me all the time except to sleep(some people advise letting them sleep with you too)and held him when he tantrummed or didn't listen. Within three months he was coming to me for everything and is now a healthy kindergardener.

[EL1]

Oh Sweetie...! Stop stressing. You are doing fine! I commend you for taking on 7. The most I have had at one time including my own were 5. I know you have heard this saying a thousand times but "kids are resilient". As long as you create an atmosphere of love, discipline and security they will feel it. With 7 it must be difficult to give the one on one attention that "you" think they need. As a mom you have that wonderful instinct when something is amiss and you can address it. But please relax and try not to look for things that may or may not be there. The child coming from the other home is going to have some adjustment issues. It is only natural. Give yourselves all time to adjust and get comfortable. Then if you need to place one or more in a four hour a day one day a week program then do so with a reputable provider. As someone else said on here, it will be play time for that child.
I am also sure you know that you and the other providers in your family need respite as well. We all need that time so that we may return refreshed. It sure makes for better parenting when you have some "down" time of your own. That's what I call it..lol.. You and your husband can make arrangements for special times with each child as someone else suggested (up a little later). Perhaps you can take the one needing the most attention out for something special with you while your husband sits with the others. Don't let others opinions of right or wrong make you feel guilty or wrong in your parenting style. None of these kiddos come with a manual stating the how to's. Each child’s needs are different. Not all need coddling all the time to make them feel secure. Not all need to sleep with parents "all" the time, while some just need an occasional sleep with mommy and daddy time. I wish you the best.

EL

[EL1]

oops..I saw that you said 7 month old and your name super seven, had that stuck in my craw as your having 7 children..lol...you still have quite a few and I still commend you.
EL

[Dianna]

I saw your post on the other board and almost responded. Now here again, so I'll say that we stayed home for 3 months with our 2 1/2 year old when he came home. Then he went to daycare for 2 days a week. It worked out well as he was our first and needed to start interacting with other children.

One morning a week seems reasonable and a good plan for the benefit it will give your kindergardener. I was able to work one morning a week in each of my kids' kindergarten classes and it was great for them. We focus so much on the new additions to the family, I commend you for trying to keep a balance for your other kids.

It will be an important time for her to have you all to herself and share her start in school with Mom. There may come a time when you can bring in the 3 year old for a little visit and that may be a special connection for the kindergardener to show off being a big kid. Who knows, what a great adventure! Best wishes.