[Mkap]

My husband and I are foster to adopt parents. We currently have a 3 week old infant in our care. Bmom has lost five other kids. She has had many problems following case plans in the past. My question: when we take baby to visit with bmom, is it allowable for us to talk with bmom? Can I let her know that we love baby and would love to adopt her? Sometimes I feel that the biological parents just want to make sure the kids are in a good home and if they knew that maybe they would give them up. It sounds a bit bad just reading what I'm saying, so maybe that is my answer.

[mom2behappy]

just yet. you can tell her that you love the baby, and that you are your husband are going to do the best you can raising her while she is with you, and that you hope that you and her can work together during this time, ask her opinion on things such as what kind of pampers and small things like that she prefers, ask her for a pic of her for the baby so that she will know who she is. thats what I always did. maybe later down the line after getting to know mom and her seeing for herself the conversation about adopting will come up IMHO its too soon to be bringing up adopting her baby to her regardless of the fact that she's lost others and it may backfire

[fpsupporter]

With the last post. Some biomoms when told that you would love to adopt their child can go into "oh-heck-no-am-i-going-to-let-that-happen" mode. They could false allegate, complain to the world, or do everything in their power to get their child back more out of spite than love.

The moral of the story is that it should be fine for you to talk to her (although I would run it by your case worker(s) first), ask her for a picture of herself to put in the baby's room/scrapbook, let her know that you love her child and will keep her child safe.

Keep in mind that it's not over til it's over, and you need to support reunification with her mother until the judge says not to.

[wantaskinbaby]

I have had similar questions withour current situation.

I agree with previous posters, though. It has never seemed like a good thing to say directly to the bmom, but I have restated it to our fs's cw several times.

The other advice posted is also great advice. I've tried (sometimes successfully, sometimes not) to ask the bmom for her input on several decisions. I've also tried to be very respectful (which I'm sure you are too) of her position and thanked her for allowing us to take our fs on vacation with us since it meant that he would have to miss a couple of visits with bmom.

It is difficult, though, because I do want her to know that, if she should decide to place him, we would love to be the ones she chooses to parent him and we would love to continue contact with her so that he grows up knowing how much she loved him and that she wanted him, but that she just wasn't able to parent him.

I don't know how our fs's bmom took it, but I started a baby book for our fs and took it to one of the visits and had bmom complete any part of it that she wanted. It was hard on me, though, knowing that we want to adopt our fs if bmom is unable to parent him, and seeing her information filled in as mommy, but now, even if we do adopt him, he'll have at least that from his bmom.

The uncertainty in all of it makes every move difficult. I keep examining my own motives because I sometimes get caught up in trying not to rock any boats so that if bmom is leaning in the direction of placing her son for adoption, that I won't do anything to change her mind for the worse. My motives are not always as pure as I would like for them to be. Not proud of it, just honest.

I've been thinking of you and will continue to pray for your situation.

[Mkap]

thanks to all for your valuable input. I will follow the suggestion of not saying outright, "hey, I want your baby!". I met with fd's cw yesterday and she said the same thing. She encouraged us to develop a repoir with bmom and see where it goes from there.
thanks again!

[AngelArrow]

I would not tell as so many all ready said that you would like to adoped the baby. I would try to build a commen ground with her. In order to keep these kids safe we need to work with the parents if we like it or not and even if we dont have they values and views. It's hard but it can be done. Hope everything works out.