[sunsetsky]

Mass mom can I Pm you about your attorney search? Or anyone else?
I just received contact from bios ... they are wiling to drop appeal if I agree to 1-2 visit and 4x mail contact. The letter was very nice. I feel so guilty because they have always been so nice to me.

[Denny20]

i am a 'birth mum' my children were taken from me 13 moinths ago because of domestic violence, me and my partner split but i still did'nt get my boys back because a psycologist said i was in a bad relationship because of aduse that i sufferd when i was younger. i always looked after my children and the courts recognised that but still they won't allow them to return to me. your foster sons parents must have been doing something fornominal to stay in the running to get there son back. you must understand that social services have targets to meet each year for adoption and i have proof that they will tell people anything to meet those targets. if they do meet the targets then they get £1million plus a year. i think that you should realise that it isnt you who should be fighting to get this child it should be his parents. And if they are fighting which let me assure you is the most pain you will ever go through, then you should respect them for that and not judge them for what you have been told by the social services. if they were that bad the social services could of fast tracked the adoption and they would'nt of had a chance.
if some of that came across a bit harsh it was'nt meant to im just very passonate about what im talking about. can i advise you to look on "Birth"-Mothers Exploited By Adoption (BEBA) and www.fassit.co.uk/fassit.articals also search John Hemming mp who is a liberal democrat trying to raise awareness about our corrupt social services please educated yourself befor you lable people drug addicts and bad parents

[EZ2Luv]

Denny, I understand that some Bparents feel as though DSS have removed their children unjustly and I do agree that this may very well be true is some cases. However, the fparents that have posted in this thread have been caring for children who were living in situations where it was clear that they were not being cared for properly.
I work with drug addicts and can tell you first hand of cases where children have suffered because the parents were not able to provide them with care much less care for themselves.
I also understand that once CPS is involved in a familiy's life they are bound to feel "targeted". I think it is wonderful that some parents seriously do follow their case plan and I am overjoyed when I see families reunited, but there are alos some parents who sadly are unable to follow such plans despite their attempts.
Also, sometimes parents do in fact follow their case plan and do get their children back but are unable to continue in a lifestyle that would allow them to parent their children properly.
Most of these parents do love their children, there is no denying that at all, however being a parent goes beyond love. It means putting your children's needs first and foremost and before ANYTHING else, be it a drug, habit or another person.
I try not to paint all situations with the same brush or make blanket statement and I will be the first to admit that CPS is flawed in many ways. But, I find it VERY hard to believe that CPS is out to just go out and basically steal children that are well cared and provided for just to get an insentive. I am sure any insentive they recieve are for cases of actual abuse, neglect or inadequate parenting.
I know for certain that in MA judges tend to give the parents innumerable chances for reunification. So many chances that many have shook their heads in disbelief. Many have even gotten their children back only to have then right back in care because they were unable to continue parenting properly.
One last thing, judges are VERY careful to exhaust every avenue of reunification before TPR.
As I said, I work with drug addicts and have witnessed attitudes of "CPS being big bad guys who just want to take babies and children from their parents"
CPS will work with a parent IF the parents is willing to work with them.
Who will keep these babies safe if the parents are unable to?
Thank God we have loving foster families who truly do care and open up their homes and hearts to these little ones.

EZ

[Mom2blessings]

Originally Posted by Denny20

i am a 'birth mum' my children were taken from me 13 moinths ago because of domestic violence, me and my partner split but i still did'nt get my boys back because a psycologist said i was in a bad relationship because of aduse that i sufferd when i was younger. i always looked after my children and the courts recognised that but still they won't allow them to return to me. your foster sons parents must have been doing something fornominal to stay in the running to get there son back. you must understand that social services have targets to meet each year for adoption and i have proof that they will tell people anything to meet those targets. if they do meet the targets then they get £1million plus a year. i think that you should realise that it isnt you who should be fighting to get this child it should be his parents. And if they are fighting which let me assure you is the most pain you will ever go through, then you should respect them for that and not judge them for what you have been told by the social services. if they were that bad the social services could of fast tracked the adoption and they would'nt of had a chance.
if some of that came across a bit harsh it was'nt meant to im just very passonate about what im talking about. can i advise you to look on "Birth"-Mothers Exploited By Adoption (BEBA) and www.fassit.co.uk/fassit.articals also search John Hemming mp who is a liberal democrat trying to raise awareness about our corrupt social services please educated yourself befor you lable people drug addicts and bad parents

Denny, foster parents are constantly educating themselves. Most, (not all) spend many hours each year educating themselves. However, EVERY child that has come to my home has had at least 1 birthparent who was a drug addict. Every one. I've SEEN the drug tests myself in some cases.

While I think the BEST place for a child to be is with his birth parents, when they are drug-free, and have gotten the therapy they need to parent their children with abusing them, that frequently does not happen.

Drug tests don't lie. It's not a conspiracy.

You said that you don't mean to sound harsh, you're just passionate. Well, I feel the same way.

[Emmesmom]

I am hanging on every word in this thread looking for something that will ease my anxiety. I had my FC from three days to 5 1/2 months and had to pack her up in two hours after the judge ordered RU. In reading all of the above, I am somewhat fortunate that the BP let me have her for a weekend just after they got her back and they are letting be have her again this weekend. I pick her up tomorrow at their house which is in a drug neighborhood and their little row home is dark, dirty and smoky. I'm taking change of clothes and bath stuff so I can bathe her at my sister's home which is closer to them then my home. I hope she still remembers me and wants to come with me, but I guess if she dosen't that will be a good sign that she has bonded with them. She is only 6 months old. I, too, am looking at statistics as they have abused drugs for many years and lost a previous child TPR. I pray I get the call she will come back into care. I don't know how this system got to point where the parent's rights are more important then the health, safety and well being of an innocent baby who cannot speak about the discomfort, anguish, pain and heartache they experience. How did this society become one where children are treated worse then their biological parents, some of whom only became parents because they know how to have sex. It is so frustrating!!I guess I needed to vent.

[henderfive]

Emmesmom,
I feel your pain and the anxiety that comes along with all the unknown that the future holds for your FC. I had my little Angel for 2yrs. and to see him go was the hardest thing my family has ever been through. I was just as nieve to how the system works first for the parents then for the children, I to believed it was what is best for the child. Please count your blessings there are so many of us that never get to see the child again. I would be soooo happy to have an overnight once in a while. you have a great advantage that allows you to see if she is being taken care of properly. Keep the prayers going you have done a wonderful thing for that baby and to continue being there for her is a HUGE gift from the heart. Good luck
Henderfive

[AngelArrow]

One of the post mentioned that the birthmom was very polite. She is afraid to loose her child, which is very hard to understand for some of us when we take care of these children. Once the case is closed and CPS no longer follows up the family leaves and moves to a different state, because they so afraid of loosing again I know it may sounds like an excuse, but it is reality. i seen it many times and some of the other people I go to school with have seen it many times as well. In order to return these children safe to the they bio parents these parents need to be rebelitated as well not by just given them all the service possible. They also need to be able to make it with out the services provided to them in the mean time so the kids dont go in out of foster care. Some how I think we need to keep track of that, that these kids are safe like they do with sexual offenders or least try to do, but of course CPS does not have the man power to do so. One post also mentioned that birthmom is sad if I read this correctly of course she is sad she has to make it with out the service that was provided to her all this time and she does not know how ones the service and the case is closed. Well I hope the baby stays safe and continues to do so and that is all you can hope for as well easier sayed then done. The system is not just parents first. The system does its best with what they can to and with the man power they have in the end you can only try the rest is up to the judge.

[rifostermommy]

Dear Massmom,
I am in RI and my child came directly from the nursery where the mom had to leave her. She had a child in care already for neglect/abuse. The child is no 7 months and she has become my world and my families world. There is no date to RU but I think it's going that way. They don't have a place to live but suddenly "they are doing what they have to do". The pain is consuming me and I really don't know how to get through it. I wish you some peace somehow! I just cannot imagine being in your situation but I know i will be.
How have you been doing?
RI Foster Mommy

[MassachusettsMom]

RI Foster Mommy-

Thanks for checking in. We're doing ok. It has been almost four months and we still think and worry about our former FS constantly. I can't really say that it gets easier -- but we're finding a way to get through. We have found it very therapeutic to share our story with anyone who will listen. We're also in therapy. Meds have not been ruled out.

We have been able to get very little info on our former FS, but the info we have is that he's not doing great. But apparently not badly enough to place him back in foster care.

My thoughts are with you. Others have been down this path and somehow we have to hope that there is a master plan. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat more.

PS - And while you still have your little one, document, document, document. Your little girl should have a GAL or attorney or even a CASA advocate who is supposed to be looking out for her best interest. Make sure you know who they are and talk to them. Get your pediatrician, therapists, Early Intervention, day care, whoever involved in documenting your little girl's progress and what the professionals believe is in her best interest. Feel empowered to advocate, as appropriate. Good luck.

[hrisme]

Originally Posted by EZ2Luv

II also want to add that unless we actually witness abuse or neglect or have a client actually tell us what is going one we cannot report them. We are mandated reporters though and have called an clients in the past and will continue to do so if we see or hear(from the parent) there is a problem. We just cannot pick up a phone on suspicion.

Where do you work, where as a mandatory reporter, you have to have a confession before you can report??? As a preschool teacher/child care provider they drum it into your head that if you have any concerns you must file a report, whether you have proof or not. It is not our job to determine if it is abuse, that's what the social workers are for. If we do not report we can be charged as an accesory to the crime, fined up to $1,000, and even be looking at jail time if they can prove we knew it was happening and didn't report.

I actually came very close to this--waited too long with a family I was doing respite for because the children were very challenging and I felt they were doing the best they could. There were concerns, but only one incident I should have called on & didn't (child was bound to a chair, in a cold garage in the winter--mom assured me dad had lost control & it wouldn't happen again, so I let it go). Low and behold, within days after the adoption was finalized & they could legally spank they began physically abusing the children. When I reported them the family initially attempted to charge me with slander, when that didn't work they tried to point fingeres at me as an accessory because I hadn't reported sooner. Fortunately for me the case "went away" (that's literally how the caseworker put it when they called to let me know I wouldn't have to testify), unfortunately for the children they are still in an abusive situation. Everyone knows about it (parents have divorced now, and dad has even reported several incidences of abuse), but nobody has proof.

I have a family I am working with now I've called on four times in two months. The case has been opened & closed twice, and the caseworkers get tired of me calling (I had one tell me straight out not to bother, there's nothing she can do), even so I'm not taking any chances. They won't open the case again unless there is something new, but I want every incident on file even if it's not enough for them to re-open the case. These kids are severely neglected, house is filthy, they hoard food, were without electricity for a month, and we suspect physical abuse (in the last 18 months the two older boys have been to the ER 5 times), but again there is no "proof".

It can be frusterating how the system works, but I'd hate to see it going the other way as well--children being removed without that burden of proof. I've seen families torn apart because an over-excited DCFS worker misinterpreted the situation and removed the children without the proof. Parents do change, too. One family I worked with adopted two children whose mother was addicted to drugs & had actually sold one of the children for drug money. The children were returned, one of the girls came back into the hospital with severe burns (left alone in the apartment with the stove on, fell onto it when climbing to the cuboards to try and find food), and her rights were finally terminated. A couple years later mom had another baby, she's completely turned her life around and has been a great mom to this little one.

There are no easy answers in this business, and unfortuantely it's the children who are stuck...