[Eighty8Keys]

Hello! My husband and I have been certified as foster/adopt parents for 5 months now. We have been actively pursuing adoption through foster care for over a year, but the training classes were delayed due to state budget cuts. Here are our dilemmas and questions:

1. After all the training classes and talking with foster/adoptive parents, we decided the course we most want to follow is adoption. We have been involved in 3 staffings - 2 of them the foster parents changed their minds to adopt at the last minute; 1 of them a family with a stay at home parent won out. Here is our question: Is it realistic to be think we might be selected for a child or sibling group without fostering first? Everything we have ever heard says this is possible, but we are beginning to doubt. We are beginning to wonder what is "wrong" with us. We are willing to take a sibling gorup of up to 4 up to 12 years old, yet still nothing...

2. How willing are caseworkers to place kids in a family of a different culture or race? Does that happen failrly often? Should we even be considering children from other races/cultures?

Thanks for any advice! We are ready to just give in and say we will foster, but we are afraid that if we foster and then the "perfect" adoption situation comes up, we will be passed up because we already have foster kids in our home. Does that make sense?
Any suggestions? Thanks!!

[Kay-Ray1]

I too am just looking to adopt. We told the worker that we will only take children that have trp already. I know me and my heart and I couldn't bear to loose a child/children the way so many here have. If that worker isn't will to work with you, you may want to go over there head or look into private foster care.

[praytel]

You are a wonderful resource for the system - willing to take up to 4 children!

We were told by our county that they would not place another race in our home unless we had a role model of the same race for that child...family member, friend. Although I believe it shouldn't be for them to decide who you can adopt, it is only fair that the child learn, know and live their roots.

Don't take it personal that you haven't been selected as an adoptive resource. Your time will come. I will keep you in my prayers.

One word of advice...make sure TPR is in the process, if not complete when they place a child(ren) with you, otherwise you will get your heart broken.

[DianeScraps]

Our girls are bi-racial and were 4 & 7 when they moved in. They weren't 'quite' legally free when they moved in - but the writing was on the wall so we did take a bit of a risk. In our case the former foster mom had given notice for personal reasons and because the chances were so high for adoption they wanted them in a preadoptive home.

What I found worked for me (and I know this availability varies by state) was I started calling the different counties and asking if they had any children that met our criteria, and if not did they have someone that I could have our homestudy forwarded too.

Also, do your best to make yourself visable (as much as you can without being a pain in the back side) to your agency. Inquire if you can attend foster parent trainings, review child listings etc . . .

HTH

Diane

[hotspice58]

Try adoptuskids.org. The ones that are legally free are noted on their profile.

Praytel, where are you that they won't let you adopt a child of another race?

[knjordan33]

We also chose to adopt rather than foster as we didn't want our hearts broken either. Finished classes and homestudy in March of 2005 and were placed with sibling group of 3 in December of 2005. We weren't looking for more than one child at first, but wanted a young child and so far nothing had been approved. My state also doesn't like to place other races, but will do so. The kids are 3, 5 and 6 and doing great. My husband and I are still adjusting! Just hang in there. We also wouldn't take them unless the TPR was done. Good advice to go to adoptuskids.org as we looked on that site a lot and sent off homestudies. Stay in close contact with your worker and ask her to stay actively looking on your behalf. It will happen.

[hotspice58]

When you applied, did it ask what races you were open to? I'm light-skinned black and I put down all races and religions. My cw also said I could take anyone. So far, I've had AA and BR but I'm open.

[Eighty8Keys]

Thanks for all the words of encouragement! I guess we needed to hear that this all really is possible. We found out we are currently being considered for a few sibling groups, and we are trying to be patient while we wait for a word about any of them. The waiting is so hard!

[WhoKnew]

If you are only open to kids who have already been TPR'd, you may reduce your chances in some ways. The courts generally don't TPR kids until an adoptive famiy has been identified. Otherwise, the kids become 'legal orphans'. The ones that are already legally free will tend to be sib groups, much older kids, and kids with significant special needs. If you are open to all that, great! I second the statement that you are a great resource, willing to adopt up to 4 kids!

[Eighty8Keys]

We live in a small town about 20 miles from a major urban/large city area. Our community is predominately caucasian, (we are caucasian), and the first sib group we attended a staffing for were Hispanic. The staffing team expressed a lot of concern about the kids feeling comfortable in our community, and the culture differences were an issue for them. We put on our Homestudy that we are open to any race, but we wonder if that is even an option. We do understand the need for a child(ren) to feel connected to their culture and heritage, but we thought our proximity to the resources of a major city would compensate for that.

[hotspice58]

Are there resources for diversity or other races near you? You may want to look into AA/Hispanic/Asian churches; this way you'll broaden your horizon, so to speak. Let the cw's know that you'll be able to handle a child of a different race.

[LeighM]

I am a foster mom who has adopted thru the system. We did go into fostering to adopt. Now we foster just to foster. My dh doesn't want to adopt anymore children.

Here is my point of view. Straight adoption is tough through foster care however their are foster parents like us who do not plan to adopt. We care for children until they either go home or an adoptive family is found.

I have been in staffing - where they choose the family for children. Foster parents usually win if they have interest. However some of the red flags that came up in the process of finding my little guy a forever family where - adoptive family unwillingness to share with the child their history, unwillingness to work and keep a connection with the former foster family, concern that the family already had 9 children in the home. There where other things but those are a few that pop into my head.

I would look over your photo album and see if you need any changes made. Did it include pictures of your community resources? For example did you show the school the children would attend, the sports options, your church, your neighborhood? Try and look at your information through an objective point of view. Does it really tell your story. Remember the team that is selecting family only has your photo album, your homestudy and your lw speaking for you.

Also ask your lw for a list of all adoption workers in your area. Send each of them a note with your information, what type of family you are open to.

Also it is very important to network with other foster familys. Get to know families let them know what type of situation you are interested in.

For me I keep a list of families and information in my purse of families I have meet. It includes the contact information and what type of child/children they are interested in.

I don't know if this helps. If you want to pm feel free. OH and just so you know we did pick a family that was adoption only for our little guy.

[Eighty8Keys]

Hello! Thanks again to all who replied to my original post here. It is now early June, and we have 3 staffings coming up the 2nd half of June - two here in Missouri and one in Nevada. The first one is June 16th, and only our caseworker will be involved at it on our behalf. The second one is June 22nd - a phone interview with the Nevada adoption team. The third one is the last week of June in northern Missouri - we will actually be present there (if neither of the first two go in our favor that is!) Please think positive thoughts and prayers for us, as we would be delighted to be selected for any of the sibling groups we will be interviewed for!

[hotspice58]

Good luck!!!