[irishluck]

Hi,

I’m hoping to become a foster parent and I have two questions about references I’d like a social worker’s opinion on (anyone else is welcome too, of course). I haven’t begun the process yet; in fact, I’m still waiting on the application. But I’ve learned that my state requires four references. One must be from my supervisor, and the other from my minister. It’s the other two I have questions about.

First, who is best to use? Would my best friend be okay, or should I choose someone else? If so, would it be best to choose someone I know from work or socially? Should they have kids or would it be okay if they didn’t?

The other one I have more problems with. They want a reference from a relative. My parents are deceased, and the few other relatives I have I am not on speaking terms with. There are various reasons for this, but I’ve dealt with it and it no longer bothers me. I know I am going to face questions over it, and I’m ready for that. I have a close network of friends, co-workers, and members of my church as a support system. I consider many of them to be my ‘family’. My question is, is there anyway around the relative requirement, or am I out of luck? I could provide more references from my friends without a problem. I am also worried that even if they will accept alternatives, that this may be the final strike against me, as I am single as well.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks!

[Wanting2help]

I really wish that I could give you the perfect answer to your question, but since I also am just starting my paperwork I am in no position to give you credible advice. with that said and out front let me state my feelings on the issue since it hits really close to home. I also am not very close to my siblings. we do not argue or fight but we also do not talk very often. My dad calls me about three times a year and he lives about 30 miles away.

Remember you are looking at adopting a child, it is not the same as blood relitives but rather a very kind thought of giving a child a better chance at life. your friends are not kin to you just like that child will not be. their is no difference in letting the agency know that family is the people that stick beside you through thick and thin not the blood relitives that do not care. you have built a very supportive adoptive family through your friends and know that your only wish is to give a child a good loving home and all of your adoptive family are their to support you. then talk with your best friend first and let her know what you are doing and that she will be called upon as a reference. explain to her how you feel like she has been an adoptive family member to you since you have no real family member that has been better to you then herself. ask her if possible to stress the point that she thinks of you as an adoptive sister. if she is indeed as good of a friend as you say so she will be very convincing on her own.

P.S. I did not use family members as references. I did notice in the wording on my application it stated that three of my five could not be family members. it di not state that I need them. look over the wording really good and see if the wording may be misunderstood.

Good luck