[seanbeck]

Hi! Last week, we had to return our 12 month old foster daughter (who we'd had since 7 weeks) to her birth Mom. This was, of course, heart wrenching for all of us. Luckily, the birth mom had been around since the begining and so there wasn't any stranger anxiety. It has only been 1 1/2 weeks and we may have the opportunity to see her tomorrow - although it won't be a long visit. Is this a bad idea? We desperately want to see her, but not if it's going to upset her. Do kids this age feel abandoned by their foster parents when they are taken away from us? There's no doubt that we were her Mom and Dad, and suddenly we're gone. We know it's going to be very hard on us to see her, as we've just begun our grieving process. But we miss her so much and just want to see her. Plus our 5 yr old really misses his sister and we think it might help him to see her again- to see that she is okay and not very far away. Are we off our rocker for even thinking about doing this so soon? We have to take some paperwork to her Mom so have to go to their house regardless. Any advice would be very appreciated.
Thanks and God Bless every one of you!
Becky

[Jensboys]

I think that it might be upsetting ... but also be prepared for her to be VERY angry at you and not want anything to do with you during the visit. That is the normal response of a baby that age when their parents have disappeared. I think it might be hard on her to see you so soon ... Its very hard to say but I can certainly understand how it would be good for your son to see she is ok.

Jen

[newkid]

I too had a young (18months)fd that went back to family. I waited about 3 months to go to see her, and it broke my heart when she reached for me and cried when I left. I cried more when she did that than when she left our house. My older fd also saw her (a couple of months later than me) and the young former fd didn't recognize or remember her. We told her that maybe she hadn't seen her. She still talks about her "little sister". Our counselor didn't think that we should try to keep them in contact and I have to say that she was right although at the beginning I thought she was wrong.