[ChgoFAMom]

I'm a Chicago Foster/Adoptive mom ~ a step mom ~ a Multi-mom

I have a question which I can not find an answer for, but I need help..............

My adoptive daughter was my foster daughter ~ she came to us at age 16 days old (she is now almost 3).........she has 2 known siblings - one is 11 years old (she is 12/13 now) and one is almost 18 months older (she is 3/4)

They were not placed together as the system did not know about the others..............(maybe I do too good of research )

Anyway, we have had court ordered and agency ordered visits with the middle sister who is STILL in foster care (even though TPR happened in 2003, her foster family has not adopted her, although there is a petition to do so).

The older sister is not in the system anymore and is adopted - this family has no interest in the sisters at all and denies contact.

When the adoption of Reena happened in November 2004, (recently), the foster family of the middle sister got a doctor to write a letter stating that she (I'm assuming they mean the middle sister) is too ill for visits (she has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome - so does Reena) So basically Reena has been cut off from her sisters due to no act of her own and no act on our part...........

My husband and I are heart broken that the middle sister - our daughter's bio-sister - is not adopted and still in the foster system..............

Here is where it gets confusing : we do not understand how our daughter, who is younger and entered the foster system a year after she did, how did she get adopted first and why isn't there a law allowing the adoption of "legal orphans", who want to be adopted by a family who has already adopted a sibling?

Why is she being allowed to hang in the system and visits are not enforced?

Can you please help us shed some light on this?

[msheartofgold]

Oh I wish i knew the answer to you question, because this is truly a sad case how could someone be in the system first a year earlier (from the same family) and the younger child gets adopted first. By any chance is the middle sis in the same county as your child, do the share both birth parents, have you tried to contact DHS about her. Is the foster family she's with looking to adopt her.

I don't see why there should be a problem in you were interested in adopting her and you have her younger sis why won't they let you.

Sorry i could not be of much help, I hope someone out there could give you some answers.

Good Luck

[ChgoFAMom]

same bio parents (unmarried) - even the same caseworker............but middle child used bfather's last name and my daughter used her bmothers last name so it was not connected until almost a year later.

Middle sister's foster family did a petition to adopt in October 2003, but they have not done so yet.

I HATE to rock the boat............and soemone pointed out to me that perhaps middle sister is sicker than we know..............that maybe she is in this foster fmaily becasue of this and aodption is not an option.

Maybe, but I want to know for Reena's sake.

[lambeausam]

I'm also in the Chicago area, but not sure if we are in the same county. Here are a couple of my thoughts...

1. Since Reena's adoption is finalized, the court-ordered visitation may not still be applicable. It is left for the adoptive parents and foster parents to work out. You didn't indicate the nature of the ordered visitation, whether it or not it was part of each of the two younger girls' case plans.

2. As for why the middle sister's adoption isn't finalized. The foster parents may still be working on a subsidy agreement. With my 5yo, the original petition was filed and appeared in court in March 2002, but due to an inept adoption worker, the subsidy was not signed until February 2004. I finalized two weeks later.

Sam

[ChgoFAMom]

I'm sorry that I did not make it clear: the visits were court ordered and then the court made it the responsibility of the agency. The sibling visits were a part of the foster case plan(s), but when an attempt was made to make the visit continue after Reena's adoption that is when contact was stopped, in fact I posses a refused certified letter from middle sister's home (and it is the correct address).

The letter was to ask how they suggest they keep in contact (even though they do not know who each is - due to their age, they are still 100% siblings and they should at least grown up as if they are long distance friends (long distance meaning only 45 minutes apart).

My thought was a picture exchange once a year and getting together during the holidays...not a weekly thing and it would not even be called visits..........just like what you do with long distance family and friends.

All I want to know is why.

[yanknrebel]

How did the caseworker NOT know these two girls were sisters? If they had the same cw? Did the caseworker NOT have the bio parents names? DId she NOT ever meet the bio parents? HMMM.

[msheartofgold]

You know the workers can be so funny, here's what happen to us: (Kind of Long)

Mom has a total of 7 children my fd being the 7th all have been or are in the foster care system 1 merged out because of age I thinks that's the term. 1 with the maternal GM and 2 are with a bio dad. 2 live about 20min away from me walking, and i have 1 the youngest of course.

When I joined the agency i'am with I was asked if i wanted to switch to F/A sure it did not really matter I was asked if i wanted to adopt 3 and 4 year old boy and girl who 's TPR in a few weeks I never gave them an answer I had to think hard and had to talk this over with Chuck. Going from a family of 2 to 4 overnight scared the Heck out of me.

I gave them the run around I was told by the Foster care Coord. of the agency that the bio mom is due to have a baby any day now and that i should think hard b4 taking these 2 because of some problems they have.

When we got the call for the baby we did not know at the time she was the sibs. of the 2 we were asked to get. The sibs.TPR was 2 weeks later and they needed a place for them asap bc foster mom would not adopt. And we knew that we could not take on 3 children at one time and none of them potty trained. That really wasn't the problem either not having any of our own 3 would have been to much for my. My Fd works like crazy.

We were told that our fd could not have any contact with her sib. to them she does not exist this was to be a separate adoption and that was a far as it went. They tried to keep for the kids their mom was expecting and she had weekly visits and she told them she was having a baby. I was later told that if i agree to take the other 2 it would be easier for me to keep the baby because they at the time they did not have a perm. placement for them yet.

A few months ago we got a new worker and i called with some questions about LiL Kay the work got kind of nasty "didn't i talk to you yesterday about the this I don't know when I'll get Tay's social. I had to correct her tell her she did not speak to me she must have spoke to someone else my fd's nam is Kay. She and her sister have a similar name 1 starts with a T the other with a K. The worker claim she never know it was more sibs. That had to be the biggest lie she's ever told because all that info is in their system.

Ok let me get to the point of the story, but had to give the background first. Sorry my post is so long.

We went to a party at the agency over the holiday mind you the children attend the same agency. So how do you expect that these kids won't see or come in contact with each other. I saw 2 kids that just stood out from the other kids that were at the party I just could not hold back any longer I had to ask the foster mom because it was a shame how much my Fd and her sibs looked a like. The Foster mom said her 2 asked her if their sister was here, we talked let the kids bond it was really sad.

My main concern is we live very close to each other and the kids are so close in age, kids do grow up may end up going to the same school who knows my fall in love and then it could be to late. What's the big deal why can't they have any contact with their sib. Most of the time once the child is adoped the parents change their names so you may not know who they are or the child may not even know he or she is adopted.

The things these children have to go thru in life. Sorry for such a long post.
I hope everything goes well with you and your family.

[Wanting2help]

Sounds to me like the other foster parents are afraid that they may loose the sibs if they get attached.

[ChgoFAMom]

"if" we were the girls's foster parents....but we are the adoptive parents now..............this happened when the TPR was done on both girls and our petition to Adopt Reena was in the family courts.

We tried again - 3 weeks ago I sent another letter (adoption is way over) - and again Reena was ignored.

(And last we knew they had a petition to adopt the sister.........but that was a while ago - not sure what has happeend since the cw is now different)

[L-A-J-C-R-C]

Hi,

I'm adopting children 6 and 7 of a sibling group of 7. We also have the oldest with us (we're not adopting him at this point).

Our children's TPR and adoption was handled first because it was felt that the older 4 (it was 5 at the time) already knew who their family was, where they come from, etc. and it was more important to get my 2 into a stable home and on with their lives. The State is now in the process of doing the TPR on the other 5 (including the oldest one that's with us). He was asked what he wanted and he asked for permanent placement with us instead of adoption and we agreed.

I think it's horrible that the other parents won't allow contact. There is no reason unless there's danger involved to deny children their siblings. Our children's 4 sibs are with an aunt and uncle in another state so they don't get to see each other. I'd love for them to have a true sibling relationship.

Michelle