[manatee]

We are legal risk foster parents in the state of VT. We are interested in foster care for 2 girls then hopefully adopting them. They are 3 and 5. The foster mother now only wants the 3 year old. She is the more intellent one of the two. We want them both. We are having a team meeting on the situation and was wondering if anyone out there has information on splitting up siblings? Please help us. Thank you Alleson

[Love_um_all]

it does not work that way. They can't just want one and not the other. I would not worry too much because- that makes them look bad. I would go to that meeting and be ready - that is not what is best for the children. There is a bond between the siblings that some people don't understand and with out a really good reason to separate, the state does not separate siblings, esp when they have always had each other. It would be cruel to separate them like that. All the girls have left is each other. You are willing to take both girls, makes your home a better placement. Don't worry, this is on your side.

[sammiesosa]

um.... i was spilt up from my siblings it was hard not haveing any real family with me to relate to try your hardest not to have them split up yes the mother ca decide only to put 1 up for adoption but it wont be fair to the child... please try and get both the children!!!

[willowhawk]

The first two boys I adopted were in a foster home together and the same situation happened. The foster parents wanted the 7 year old and not the 9 year old. They insisted that the boys should be separated and they even got to the point where they were making up stories about the older boy. Fortunately everyone saw through their game and did not listen to them. Both boys were moved into our home and actually that foster home was shut down.

[sammiesosa]

i was in a 3 foster homes that was shutdown due to things that went on there!!!

I forgot to say that my adoption and my life would of been alot easyier if i was with at least one of my 3 siblings!!

[shanzelka]

The 10 year old girl we are adopting was split from her brother because he was abusing her (he is 11). He has gone on to abuse two more children.
We are now in a position where we may be adopting an 11 year old girl. She has three younger brothers, ages 1, 3 and 3. The three boys all have the same father and look very different from their sister. They are in three different foster homes. The foster mother of the 1 year old would adopt him, but the foster parents of the twins do not want to adopt. Because of the needs of our daughter and this new little girl, we feel we need to focus on them, and not adopt the boys, because they would require a lot of care due to their age, and the health issues of one of them. I know a lot of people may feel it is wrong.

[sammiesosa]

Try and keep them together..

or at least supervised vists and what not.. theyll need each other as they get older.

[shanzelka]

We won't allow our daughter's brother to see her. She does not want to see him. He is a predator. Even when they were being watched at a previous home, he still found ways to get her alone and abuse her.
If we are able to adopt our new daughter, we will be open to visit with her siblings and keeping in touch.

[willowhawk]

sammie.....I hear what you are saying. I definately feel if it is at all possible, siblings should be kept together! When the situation is a dangerous one for one or more sibs, it just isn't right. I have an adopted 15 year old daughter from a family of 9. I have 2 of her brothers also. When social services was splitting up the kids, they placed her with a brother and split her from her 2 younger sisters, one who was only 10 months younger than her. I'm not sure why they did this. WHen I came along, the 2 younger sisters had already been adopted with 2 of the younger boys by a family one town over from us. Even thpugh she has contact with her sisters and sees them regularly, she will never get over being separated from them. She is doing extrtemely well, but there will always be the fact that she is not with her sisters. Good luck to you!!!!

[mrbeansmom]

I don't think it is always right to keep sibs together. We have a situation right now where one of the three sibs we have is a half sib to the two full sibs. The half sib has a serious handicap that deserves and requires a LOT of 1:1 attention and it is simply not possible to give it to him when taking care of the two others. He would thrive in a home that could focus on him alone and meet all of his special needs, where here he would always just be getting along and could not progress as far as he is capable of progressing. It's also not fair to the other two in that they must be ignored much of the time in order for us to deal with their brother. He can be dangerous around them too and has, in fact, nearly suffocated the youngest. In this case, I think it would be the best thing for all of them for the half sib to be placed in an other home, providing it's an appropriate placement for him.

[Betti]

When the siblings are bonded, of course everyone wants to keep them together which is usually best. But I do believe there are times where separating children allow each one to receive much more attention. Sometimes one child needs so much and craves that extra attention and may thrive in a home where they don't have to compete with other children. We knew a family that separated a sibling group of three into two and one and they are doing extraordinary now.