[Blacktulip]

I don't know if there are any individuals who work with the "system" here, but here it goes. I live in Chicago my best friend has a son who was taken and put in foster care since 6 months (he's 5 now). He accidently fell out of the bed and incurred physical damage as the result (a situation that could and probably has happened to more parents that are willing to admit!) 4.5 years later he is still in the system. She fights to no avail every week, jumping through the unreasonable hoops placed by the social workers, therapists, and lawyers that work on her case. Let me say there's no loyalty issue. If I thought she was a danger to this child, I would no only tell her, but actively work to make certain he stayed in foster care. But this is not the case. The foster mother works diligently against her to make sure her son doesn't want to spend time with her. She went so far as to give him a fake birthday party, change his birthday and tell the child the mother "didn't want to come and celebrate his birthday." I see in the system every day that crack babies are returned to mothers within days, children are returned to bad families and murdered within weeks, but a truly wonderful mother is kept from seeing her child. Every week she looks forward to seeing him and every other week, she is faced with some new obstacle why she is prevented from doing so. WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOU PEOPLE! What does a person have to do to get their child back. Why do you actively against parents? GET IT TOGETHER! YOU ARE PLAYING WITH PEOPLE'S LIVES HERE! OR HASN'T THAT THOUGHT OCCURRED TO YOU ALL!

[browntap]

It is sad when the system doesn't work the way it should. A few years ago in Chicago, a family friend's sister murdered her little girl by beating her to death. The little girl had been to the ER on different occasions with broken bones and a social worker had been sent out and they found no reason to remove the little girl. After an autopsy was done they realized she had incurred other broken bones that were never treated. Even family member called social services to have them investigate when things didn't seem right. Sometimes I think in bigger municipalities it is easier to fall through the cracks unnoticed.

[Blacktulip]

AND NOW IF THE ABOVE ISN'T ENOUGH... they are trying to force her into signing over guardianship to the foster mother... who only is fighting to keep Jonathan because she gets extra money to take care of him. If there is anyone that has attorney contacts in Chicago or the system, please respond!

[JuliannaTeresa]

I work in Childrens' Services in California. I am not very familiar with the laws in your state. I know them a little from talking to people, but I am willing to learn them fast!

In California, all 4 parties in your case would be assigned free Legal Counsel. Each separately represented, and I am not including the Foster Parent/s/Family as a Party.

The child is one Party has either a Guardian Ad Litom or .

Mom and Dad if divorced or separated each have Counsel.

The County has their own Attorney for representation.

Advise Mom not to sign anything until she has been given this option!

[JuliannaTeresa]

Sorry, I left a word off the Child should either have a Guardian Ad Litom or separate Counsel.

[Blacktulip]

Originally posted by Blacktulip
AND NOW IF THE ABOVE ISN'T ENOUGH... they are trying to force her into signing over guardianship to the foster mother... who only is fighting to keep Jonathan because she gets extra money to take care of him. If there is anyone that has attorney contacts in Chicago or the system, please respond!

Basically the same here... the attorney for the child wants the foster mother to have guardianship. the attorney for my friend is not aggressive enough to make a difference in the case.

The therapist who sees the mother and child (both separately and together) thinks that the 5 year old child should decide when he wants to see his mother.

This complicates things because every Saturday when Lara is supposed to pick up Jonathan the foster mother will plan some activity to entice Jonathan to stay with her. Now if you were a five year old would you rather stay with othe five year olds for a pizza slumber party, or go with your mother! She works directly against Lara at every turn. She plans events for Jonathan and never invites her then tells Jonathan his mother didn't want to see him. She gave him a birthday party (NOT ON HIS BIRTHDAY) and told him that that was his new birthday and his mother didn't want to come. I watched Jonathan throw a tantrum when his mother tried to explain he was 5 not 6! IS THIS APPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR!?!

The only thing they continually say is that Lara has to stay in therapy and that she may be an additional hour or two with Jonathan. If she's responsible enough to have him in overnight visits for 3 years! WHY CAN'T SHE HAVE HER SON BACK! Especially when there is no definitive proof that they ever did anything wrong!

[wendolene]

Black tulip - I'm a foster parent and a CASA /GAL in WA state.

I don't agree with some of your opinions posted on this BB, but in this case, I believe this foster parent is way out of line in what she is doing. I would advise your friend to contact a local member of congress and tell them what is going on. She also needs to write lots of letters to the various levels of social services. If she has a public defender who is not representing her, ask for another who WILL help her. Your friend certainly needs to get legal support behind her. Additionally, social services have to prove that what happened to the child was more than a one-off accident. In WA state, we have an Ombudsman that you can also make complaints to. If her child doesn't have a CASA/GAL then demand that one is appointed.
The CASA does not work for social services, but the court, and independently investigates the case. If the CASA disagrees with the social services plan he/she can file a motion to have the case heard in court and will present evidence to have the case dismissed. Good Luck

[Mary RamireZ]

I can tell you how the system in califorina was in 1983 was. my daughter is now 25 and you can not talk about the system or the CPS will put you in jail . I have tried to talk about my story at CPS Public meeting and the Chairman stoped me I was upseting Judge. My daughter was taken away she was told to lie about me and she feels bad and never had a mother and she had two babies at 17 and 19 to be mother I am a learning disabled person and I was treated as rertarded. This system make a lot of money off its the hurt of family in its system. This system will not changes only if the public wake up.


Mary Mumby Ramirez
daughter of Leticia Ramirez Married. living working in Fresno,CA

[Mary RamireZ]

what I mean is it is against the law to go to the Meda News I was a member of Los Angeles VOCAL years ago and we were in the Meda all the time and laws started to change. things have back worse and the public belives only one side!

my two cents
Mary Mumby
Ramirez

[BunkyPa]

Social workers, foster parents, courts and the whole rest of the world just don't act in pathological fashions just because they feel like it. There's probably a reason that your friend doesn't have custody right now. Birth parents are almost always given too much say in what goes on, not too little. The child "just fell out of bed?" I wonder how many times they've heard that one.

It's up to these people to make sure that this child is cared for. If that upsets a birth parent, tough. I wish that everyone in these situations could see that, unfortunately, that is not the case. In those cases, its up to the sw'ers and fps (who probably love this child very much) to protect this child against both the birth parents, and anyone who would return these children into harms way, their relatives and their friends.

If this child is returned to the parent and ends up dead three months later from "falling out of bed," it will be too late then to second-guess.

End of story.

[SoulWhisper]

BunkyPA and tulip,
About a year ago an EX friend of mine had her two little boys taken by SS's....I babysat her boys a lot and never saw any physical indications that she was abusing them. I went to court with her and stood up in front of the judge and spoke on her behalf as both friend and babysitter. I ended up chewing on my foot!
It was her 16 yr old daughter who called the SS's, it was her daughter she was beating with electrical cords and even pushed her out of a moving van. I also learned that there were dead animals in her house, animal waste and garbage all over the place and this woman's entire focus was on what man she could find next.
She lied to me, operated on pretense and I made an a$$ out of myself and was horrified to learn the truth. She was made to attend anger management, have a psyche eval and get counseling for her horrendous neglect and abuse of all her children and when she completed the classes, they gave her back the boys. She never wanted the daughter back and hates her.
Three points here:
One is, friends lie and unless we sleep with them, we cannot know all that goes on.

Two, the system does not always work. It fails the innocent over and over again.

Three, abuse does not always have a physical mark and when it does the people who view the injuries are trained to know how they happen. For instance, a fall from a bed, unless it is the top bunk, will not produce specific types of injuries. Abuse shows in where and size and shape of the injury. A child hit with an object will have a specific type of injury and Dr's and SW's know the difference.

Tulip, I feel your heart and appreciate your fire and cause but be cautious, think this through. We passionate types often fail to see the one thing staring us in the face.

I don't know about the propriety of the foster mom but my guess is that she too cares for this boy, however interpreted or seemingly off. Think before you go sounding alarms, moving a child to another foster home will harm him more emotionally. RAD is very real for some children and this little boy's safety and well being should be at the forefront and not his mother's desires. At least he is loved where he is! Our children are not our posessions but people in their own right, please think of him.

You will all be in my thoughts...


Love

[cartergr]

Thank you Soul Whisper. Tulip, please don't be offended but consider the above post and the following.

We are concurrent foster parents to two beautiful girls. We love them and do our best to care for them. We went into this agreement knowing that they will likely go back to their father, but if that isn't possible, we're ready to adopt them.

We work hard to accomodate the BF's wishes and work to help him get his kids back.

If you were to listen only to the Bio Father, the story would sound very much like your friend's story. He complains that we don't tell him anything, are conspiring with CWS to "steal" his girls and so on. He's even gone so far as to suggest we're planning to kidnap his kids. Nothing could be further from the truth. We keep him informed about everything to do with his girls. He "doesn't remember" the things we tell him, and "loses" the medical documentation we provide him. His girls were removed for neglect. There is ample documentation to support this. They have been diagnosed as "failure to thrive" by a recognized authority on high-risk children. The father claims that there was no neglect, he had simply fallen on hard times and CWS is trying to steal his kids to give them to us. He has many people convinced that it's the truth. The truth is very different. We are very accomodating to his wishes, even cancelling trips we've had planned for months because he's uncomfortable with us taking the girls out of state.

For what it's worth... there are always two sides to every story.

Please accept this in the spirit it was intended, not as an accusation against your friend, but as an example of what the same story can look like from different perspectives.

[mumstribe]

speaking as a mother who has four kids just out of foster care and 2 still in. i just want to say that sometimes the system does get it wrong i went to the system for help and there help was taking the kids away and not only putting me through hell but putting them through hell. i thought i was doing the right thing that was were you went if you wanted help but for them it was easier to take the kids then help. then when the foster parent couldnt care for them anymore and they couldnt find anyone else they decided i was good enough to have them back despite a meeting 2 days beforehand were they told me i wasnt good enough yet.
The system stinks and needs a lot of work.