[AKfire25]

Hey all,

I am a firefighter in Alaska and have been doing this for the last 8 years. I work a two week on and two week off schedule. I work 325 miles away from home. My bride to be left me about 2 years ago because she said she was just too independent. We have tried to work on our issues and resolve our problems but I can’t handle the fact that she likes to hang out at the bars till the wee hours in the morning. We both have separate house holds and are currently not living together. My son has had some kind of sickness for the last 4 months. I have offered to take him to see a doctor but she gets mad every time I bring it up. Over the past month she has dropped off my son either with me or my parents to watch him over the weekends. She then hooks up with her girlfriends and parties all night long. She is 28 years old so I thought that this phase of her life was done. Apparently not. I guess my question is should I have a talk with her about her lack of concern for our sick son or should I find a lawyer to figure out my options for possible custody. I believe when a child is sick he or she should be the mother’s priority of concern not the alcohol and night life. I was told by her many months ago that this is what normal parents do. Is this true? Can anyone shed some light on this?

[Luvbeingmommy]

AKfire25,

You have every right to be concerned about his health and well-being. First thing you need to do is TAKE him to the doctor -- you do not need her permission to do this. He is your son too. If he has been sick for four months it is past time to ask permission. Take him to the emergency care over the weekend if you have no other alternative, but get him to the doctor.
Then do whatever you have to do to make sure he is safe, healthy, and well-cared for. That may be to seek custody.

[hotspice58]

Your wife isn't ready for motherhood. Talk to her about either joint or you having physical custody. She may be in agreement since she still wants to party.

[scandi]

If I read your post right you said "bride to be" meaning that you are not married yet. If that is the case do you have any custodial rights? If not, if you take your son anytime other than during your visitation time you could find yourself in some legal trouble. However, you could take him to the doctor during your visitation time. I would encourage you to seek custodial rights if you do not already have any. If you care concerned for your sons welfare when you are not around you can also report the concerns to your local social services agency. In my state if there is concerns with the mother and there is a noncustodial father the child maybe then placed with the father to see if the mother will seek to make the changes necessary to parent her child. ( with your work schedule your parents would also be a good option to help you out) If she does not the father can make a request for a change of custodial rights.

As a child protection worker I have worked with several fathers who were not married to the mother and under a misconception that they had custodial rights even when they did not. In my state, just having your name on the birth certificate does not give you custodial rights.

I would be very careful if you do not currently have custodial rights because she could turn on you legally if she wants to ( I have seen that too) It is not right and hurts the child but unfortunately it happens.

PM if you have any further questions I have been doing child protection for over 5 years and have dealt with this kind of situation quite a bit.