[renegade]

I am still considering my options (adoption vs. being a single, teen parent)... I am really craving a good social life because I haven't had one in years. I really need that. I'm just wondering... how much DOES your social life really suffer and for how long when single parenting? Is there any way to stay social and make friends while raising a child on your own? Is it possible to maybe meet other parents, etc., how old does your child have to be for you to maybe bring him or her to small social gatherings? Are you really truly isolated while being a single parent? I can't bare to not have friendships. I don't need to be going out to bars.. but what about bringing your kid to community events or religious gatherings or things along that line? Please, any stories you could give me would be GREAT!

[Yash]

Renegade,

I think all depends. I've always been a low key person, along with my friends. We enjoy going out to decent restaurants or doing potlucks at someone's house, going to the movies, renting movies, etc.... So for me, my son just fitted right in. I'm the first of my friends to have a child.

My son enjoys going out. My friends enjoy having a little taste of babyhood for a few hours.

I even took him to the movies with us, I always had us all go to the movies around his naptime so he would sleep through at least half and usually sat quietly in my arms through the rest of he wouldn't take his bottle.

I've been blessed with the greatest baby!

He's gone to Christmas parties with me. We went early before the party really started and stayed for about an hour.

When my friends and I want to do really adult things like the theatre and such, my mom is kind enough to watch him.

My son is only 16 1/2 months old so I haven't really had a chance to meet other parents to socialize with. He's the youngest kid by years at his daycare. Though his arrival in my life does have me talking to other mothers in my office that I hadn't really talked to before.

You get used to sleepless nights. Right now I'm struggling to stay awake. He thought 3AM was a great time to wake up ask for food, milk, and to crawl on mommy. He didn't go to sleep until 5AM. Ugh! It's been a long time since he woke up in the middle of the night to play.

Waking up every four hours to feed him when he was an infant was just something I became used to. I was ready for him to come when he came, and I adapted well to the changes and so did he.

Best of luck with your decision,

Yash

[Boulderbabe]

I can tell you that my social life has changed DRAMATICALLY since I became a single parent. The biggest issue is that you simply can't be out after like 8 pm when you have a small child, unless you get a sitter, and that is expensive.

A night out now can cost me upwards of $100, if I get a sitter from 6-12 and then go to dinner and a movie. That means I just don't go out very often.

I do go and see friends and take my son along. But those opportunities are also limited, since many of my friends without kids have sort of dropped away.

Single parenting is a big, big HUGE commitment. For me, it's been like "I can have a job, a child, or a social life, but only two of the three." I've given up my social life willingly, but it's been a big change.

[hotspice58]

Boulderbabe: same here. I gave up on a social life. I go out 2-3 times a year: 1 being a boatride my cousin gives and another being my company Christmas party. Sometimes I go out once or twice but usually, I do things with people with kids. I can do respite but I don't want my kids to have to get used to strangers.

[screaminrieman]

I am a single father of a now 8 year old boy. My social life took a drastic hit when I adopted him. I never really went out to the bars but I played a lot of indoor soccer and softball and did play in a band at one time. For the first 3 years after the adoption, I basically quit everything but since then, I've gottenback into the band and have started back going to concerts and sporting events again. It is hard doing the early bedtime but you have to do what you need to do !!! Good luck in your decision. I just recently joined a single parent dating group but no luck so far. I do hope to get married some day but untill then, it's the boys night out !!!

[kretzklan]

I was a single parent to my first child for 3.5 years. I felt very strongly that I wanted to continue my social life and that my son would just "fit right in". I can say that it worked at the time. BUT, I see the effects of that on my son now (he's almost 10). My husband step-parent adopted R and we've been in a very traditional family setting for over 6 years. I still see residual effects of his early life. While it's 'cute' that he is very self-aware and independent...well, sometimes it's not.

I'm not sure I'm making my point - and most here have already made my point for me. If you choose to have a child, your life will need to change - if it doesn't, the results for the child could be detrimental.

Make sense?

[screaminrieman]

No question and great post !!! Thanks

[scandi]

social life what's a social life. Mine revolves around my son if he can't go I can't go. My son is 8 and I am lucky enough to have friends who have kids close to his age. It was 1 1/2 years before he stayed with grandparents. Having a RAD child makes it difficult to find providers that are willing to follow the program with him. If they don't then I have bigger problems to deal with at home. I have recently been able to go out scrap booking with friends but that is due to change since my son's little brother will be coming home soon. Again, social life what's a social life



screaminriaman - would love to know where you were able to find a single parent dating group - is it online? I have been looking for one in my state but haven't had any luck.

[screaminrieman]

www.singleparentmeet.com You have the option of what state ect..... As always though, be careful. Oh yeah, I'm from Cincy Ohio ;o) LOL

[waitinginnj]

Once a parent, your goals for a social life change. However, I became a parent at 38 years old and did the social thing already.

You can have a social life as a single parent, but it is more targeted. If you have a support system for babysitting, you likely will save your use of that support system for critical things - sick days, crisis at work and then maybe for an occassional social outing.

Babysitting is at least $10 an hour where I live, so even with a decent salary, I really have to want to spend that money, to go out to dinner or to a movie. And there is a challenge in finding someone that you trust and is dependable.

A lot of my social interaction is in family oriented scenarios, where my daughter can attend. It has gotten more flexible as she is approaching 5.

Nothing overly new, but perhaps another prespective.

[musemoon]

I made sure that I did all the going out and having a good time I needed to do before the baby came. BUT I still have fun with my friends, the only down side is, I have to be home by 8pm to put my daughter to bed, sometime I put her to bed at a friend's house and move her to her crib when I get home, but she is really little still, in a few years it will be harder.

Also most of my friends without kids want to just play with her, which is great, but she fusses when anyone else but me holds her right now, (which is one of the downsides to single parenting, your kid only knows you) When they get tired of her not wanting their attention, they move on and talk amoungst themselves and sometimes I feel left out.

I would never trade being a mom and I plan to still socialize, but it will get harder and I will always have to honor her needs first, but truthfully I am really glad I lived a full life before she came.

The good news about being a teen single parent (which I am not, I'm almost 40) is when the child is in their teens themselves you still have your adult years ahead of you to play. The downside to it is, parenting is really wonderful and hard, and tougher if your peers aren't doing it with you. However if you have a stong family support network, and are willing to commit to your beautiful child, you can make it all work, it just takes effort.

[teen_mom_1989]

I just recently found out that I'm pregnant. Luckily, my manager 1) has 4 kids of her own (ages 3, 5, 7, and 8), 2) is pregnant again, and 3) is a single mom at age 27. I'm a teen, so I quess I kinda just got attached to her kids, then found out I'm pregnant and it all just kinda fell together. We still go out to eat every once in a while, while her kids are at daycare, but mostly we just hang out at her house. I've never really been one for going out, but I know she used to be. She used to live in a bigger city, and had lots of opportunities to do things, but in our town, there's not a lot to do, so she doesn't really miss it. It just depends on what you're used to, I guess.

[loveccl]

I checked out this site because I am 14 weeks preg and now recently found out I would be a single parent.

I have another side of what everyone else mentioned. I was 15 when I got preg the first time and 16 when my son was born. I thought that all I had to do was give my son up for adoption and I could go on and be a "normal" Junior in high school. I remember the home comming dance...there I was all dressed up with friends and everyone was happy. I called and got a ride home early. I then dropped out of school and my "social life" turned into me getting involved with shady people. The only thing that kept me from getting preg again as a teen and being a statistic was the wonderful old form of BC the Norplant (my 5yr plan). Yes I had freedom to do things and I was not tied down with a baby...but as a birthmother I think that you should know that you don't sign the papers and walk away. My life is a complete mess right now, but nothing will ever be more painful than being a bmom. I don't regret my decision and as crazy as things are I am happy almost 14 yrs latter I am preg again.

I just wanted you to know another side of things and maybe just maybe you can make an informed decision.

I have been there and I know its the hardest decision of your life and no one can make it for you. You will survive either way...I guess my question is what kind of support system of friends and family do you have. I was a foster kids so back then I had none. Now I have created the most amazing family and I know I'll be ok.

Great Big Hugs!

loveccl