[amanda818]

Hello, I am new to this board and I just wanted to say hello to everyone, introduce myself and ask a few questions:

My name is Amanda, I am 22 years old and I am on active duty in the Navy. I have been seriously considering adopting a child, but I would like to get some more information and see if anyone has any suggestions for me. Right now I am overseas for a military deployment, I will be back in Maine in June, and then in January I will be moving to California where I will live for 3-4 years and I will not have to move or be away from home during those 3-4 years. So I would like to possibly start my homestudy when I return in June. But I need to know if I can do that in Maine during the last 6 months I will be there....(I would be adopting in California probably). Does it cause problems when the homestudy is done in a different state? Would it make sense for me to do the homestudy in Maine if I will be moving in Dec/Jan and never moving back there?

I am concerned that it will be very difficult, if not impossible, for me to get approved for adoption...I am young and single and in the military and I think that all of these factors may be looked upon negatively. I also will have no family in the area, as they are all in Pennsylvania. However, I am very mature for my age, I have no criminal record, I am financially secure and make around 35-40k a year, and I think I would make a great single mother. I have always been very independent and I feel confident that I can raise a child without a man.

Here is the other issue: After my 3-4 years in California are done, if I choose to stay in the Navy I will need to go out to sea. Depending on how long the adoption process takes, if I am able to adopt, the child will probably have been living with me for 2-3 years and then I will have to go to sea for 6 months and leave her with my parents during that time. My parents live in Pennsylvania and because of the distance they probably won't have much of an opportunity to bond with and get to know the child while we are in California. I worry that if I adopt, then have to leave my child with my mom and dad for 6 months, she may think that I left and I am not coming back. Of course, I also would have the option of getting out of the Navy at that time, which may be the best option in that situation. Any suggestions?

Does anyone know how long the adoption process takes (homestudy-finalization). I plan to adopt a girl between the ages of 5-15. I believe the process is faster for older children, but I could be wrong about that.

Last Question: I am willing to adopt a child between the ages of 5 and 15, mostly because I realize that it is very hard to find families for teens. However, I wonder what it would be like to be 23 or 24 and have a teenage daughter...would she even think of me as a mother with that small of an age difference? If anyone is in a situation like this, I would love to hear from you!

Thank you for reading my post :-)

[Pinkie]

Hello Amanda, congratulations with your decision to consider adoption. The only advise I can really offer is to call some good agencies and ask them if they have offices in different states or if they are associated with agencies in different states. I personally can't see what difference it makes where you live but I'm not american and didn't process my adoption from america.

I do know some countries have age restrictions so you would have to have a good look at your options as to which countries would accept you.

Adopting an older child is a wonderful experience but takes up your time 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The only time you are away from each other is during school time and these children (all children) need to know that mummy is coming home at night. There are plenty of books that you can read on adoption and attachment issues just to give you some ideas.

Once again - good luck, regards Pinkie.

[rindava]

just to wait until you get to California....and if you want to do straight adoption, and not foster care, then maybe you could get some of the work done before hand such as your finger prints, physical, pick who your references will be, ask around at agencies in California and see if they'll send you a packet of the questionairs, etc... that you have to fill out...see about getting CPS check completed, etc...maybe even take the first aide and CPR classes if required

many places (actually I think every agency now requires at least 9 hours of training) sometimes with some agencies you can do this on line (not so much training is required for infant or international adoptions, but if you are adopting older children from US foster care, then they want to see training)

adoption as a single parent in the military may impact your job.....I have had 2 students over the years who wer classified high special needs and their parents were "stuck" in a rank and had to stay state side (but they did let them stay in the Navy)....

it is still very much a doable situation...

most agencies, especially those with foster kids, want to see you have a support system, so you would also need people locally willing to help, like a church or something..

they deployments are hard on any child....lots of phone calls, visits, etc... before would make it easier if the child has to spend that much time living with her grandparents...

good luck!