[momm2be]

Anyone done it? Any advice?

Started dating a friend, who has seen me through the entire experience. He adores my dd. She on the other hand is hot and cold about this. We are letting her set the pace (in a manner).

The child who begged for a father and a husband for me, is now saying "i was just kidding" She gets constant reassurance from me that she will always be first on my list - he comes second. He has also given her the same talk - she is first priority.

In return we get 'don't touch my mom' and her 'threatening' to sit between us on the couch (okay by me). I know her biofather was much kinder than her biomother, so can't really mark this as past history against men.

Anyone have any creative ideas to loosen this situation up besides be patient.

[BrandyHagz]

I don’t know that this is really strictly related to adoption, so I hope you don’t mind me jumping in as a former single parent to a bio-son, who was five when I met and married my husband.

First, my husband and I met in a non-traditional way…via the internet. After talking on line for a long time (two years) we finally decided to meet in person, so he flew to Texas and stayed with me for two weeks…during that two weeks, he got a crash course in parenting 101…and my son got a crash course in Sharing Mom 101…it was hard, on all of us.

John knew coming into the relationship that I paced myself based on Jerrett’s responses…I hadn’t dated anyone in the five years since Jerrett’s birth, and this was all new for him. Jerrett wanted John to go home, and he said it over and over again, the WHOLE time John was there.

After John left to go back home, things went back to normal…but John was worried about how Jerrett had reacted to his visit and I was too!

At the end of September, John invited me out to North Carolina to attend the Marine Corps Ball as his date, and I accepted…Jerrett stayed back home with my dad and stepmom, so this was really our first real alone time…little did I know I’d come back home (after having spent a total of 18 days with him face to face) married.

We packed our stuff, I listed my house and we moved to North Carolina. It was the hardest thing I’d ever done…Jerrett did NOT respond well to the move…he started wetting the bed again, acting out at school and rebelling against EVERYTHING! By this time, he was six…and it was really frustrating!

Eventually, things settled down…and I say eventually, because my son will be 11 this year, and things still get hairy around here from time to time…but it took a while for us to get to this point…the point where things are “normal”.

Jerrett is still very possessive of me…but he has also become possessive of John as well…its taken a while…but I realized early on that I couldn’t allow Jerrett to own my life…I could certainly take queues from him, but I couldn’t let him keep me from doing things that almost ever single person does…it was change, and kids don’t typically like change a whole lot…but he finally realized that I wasn’t leaving him for John and that life with John was pretty cool…so all in all, I think it worked out ok.

Have you talked to your daughter about the way she has acted (the threats)? I think her reaction is pretty normal…and while I don’t think you should ignore her feelings, I do think you need to consider your own feelings as well…and just reassure her that you aren’t going to run off and that things aren’t going to change because there is a man in your life.

Good luck!

[waitinginnj]

He singles - any input on this? I would really like to hear what you have to say. You are all insightful Not in this situation, but hope to be some day.

Thanks.