[waitinginnj]

I am a single parent. I brought my daughter home 18 months ago. She is now 3 1/2. I think it is the spring cleaning or something, but I feel like I can't catch up lately.

I am wondering what others find that they just can't get to?

I am doing okay with my daughter. It is focusing at work and getting the outside housework done and transitioning winter to spring/summer clothing. Inside it is my bedroom. I can never keep it clean. I straighten it up and within a day there is stuff all over. Getting to the dentist.

I have a cleaning service once every two weeks and I do have someone cut the grass. So I keep thinking - why can't I keep up?

I am trying to determine if I am just not organized enough or if I am normal to feel this way? What do you all find that you can't keep up with? And any great tips?

[2Bulgarianbeauties]

I brought my 4 year old daughter home 2 years ago. Boy, have I had the "I cannot keep up" blues. It seems to come and go. There have been many days I have felt just overwhelmed, and then I get the house clean, and everything seems OK.

I do believe spring has a lot to do with it. There is just so much to do to get the yard and house ready for summer. My solution has been to get a babysitter for 4 - 6 hours, and kick out as much work as I can get done. With my daughter around, everything takes way too long. So, I make a list, in priority order, and work hard and fast unitl my time is up. Also, I make sure that my daughter is taken to the park or some where she is out of my hair.

Lastly, my standards have changed dramatically. I used to like everyting picked up and put away. Now, that is a dream. I try to keep the kitchen and my room neat. The family room and my daughters room is just neat enough so that I do not break a leg walking on a toy.

Kay
Mom to 1 and waiting on a 2nd

[mckenna]

i think the feeling of never being caught up comes and goes also. i have an almost 4y/o son and a 4 month old daughter (currently foster/adopt). i too, agree that spring has a lot to do with it. not only are you doing added yard work, but you are spending more time doing fun things like zoo, park, ect. what really helps me is making sure i do one chore before work. if that means loading and unloading the dishwasher, getting the laundry folded, started, or put away (not all 3 just one or two), dusting one room, ect, i get more done.

with two, i tend to me more organized, cuz i have too. but my room tends to suffer the most. it is actually on my list for this weekend.

i ususally cook meals in the crock pot while i am at work or the night before after the kids go to bed, that way when we get home and everyone is hungry, it does not take long to get dinner on the table.

i would love to hear some of the other single parent suggestions!

[waitinginnj]

Glad to hear that I am not totally nuts. Things are better. Amazing what little sleep can do.

The mulch is down, the tree limbs are cut down - so some of the more overwhelming outside tasks are behind me for now. I don't qualify for the outdoorsie type. I really don't find any pleasure in putting my hands in dirt.

You all shame me with two. Can't imagine it paying for daycare and saving for college for two. But, I love my one.

Let's see tips -

I know one person who has five diaper bags. Prepacks one for each day of the week so she can grab and go for work/daycare. Refills them over the weekend.

I make meatloaf - double the recipe and freeze them cooked - in mini meatloaf size. Get six meals in the freezer. My daughter loves meatloaf.

I honestly couldn't imagine not having the cleaning service every two weeks. I cut back on other things for that one.

I will keep thinking on those.

Thanks for answering.

[michellemartin]

Well, once your child is old enough (like say two-ish) they can "help" you clean. My daughter thought it was the most amazing thing in the world to take a rag and "wash" the floor with me. She thought it was great to "fold" laundry with me. Her end was usually waving a peice back and forth for awhile, but I got my end done . Make housework into a game for your child in some way. Like dishes, take a bunch of dish bubbles and toss them on the floor for your child to squash while you do dishes. Then all of a sudden, the floor is full of soapy bubbles, too and you just quick run a mop over it. Two for one . My daughter (now 7) has a list of chores that she does to get quarters or fifty cents to buy stuff when we go to the museum. Although it doesnt really help me much for her to do a chore, I can get alot done while she is doing her one chore. She can take about a half hour just dusting! And in that half hour I can get way more than that done!


My biggest tip, set an egg timer for 20 min each day. I used to work 50 to 70 hours a week (managing a restraunt) and I'm sure the egg timer trick saved my home from being labeled unliveable.

I'm not into keeping up the outside either, and when I was single, the lawn just getting mowed was enough for me.

[Shoshana]

Okay, what gives - I had a major push to not only get winter clothes to basement and summer to closet, but I had to move my clothes to the guest room b/c my parents are coming for a long visit. That extra stuff really was tough to work in.

On a regular basis what gives is the dusting. It makes me sneeze so it's easy to avoid. I dust when the furniture changes color. (Honest, I'm not a slob My house seems to stay neater - I try to keep on top of the "picking up" which helps a lot. Neater is not necessarily cleaner, but the laundry and dishes are done!

My garage and basement are suffering - there's no way I'm motivated to clean either after munchkin is asleep.

This year I've finally hired someone to do my lawn. He came on Monday evening for the first time. I was overjoyed, and in awe. What took him 1 hour would have taken me 4.

I think what gives the most is my productivity at work. Not good, I know. I spend fewer hours at work, and fewer hours working from home. Instead of a 35 minute commute one-way, I now have a 60 minute commute. The extra time is to drive Xiomara to day care.

Although I love my house, and my little city, I think I need to find the time and energy to move this summer. 10 hours a week could be better spent sleeping.

[waitinginnj]

Elizabeth - you crack me up. I keep thinking every day that I need to run an emory board over my nails. Still haven't done it. I did get my hair dyed so that I don't look like a hag at a family party this weekend. And, the guy just left and the lawn is cut again. It is a shame that the bill has to arrive.

I also made dentist appointments - they are for July, but they are on the books.

Too bad we don't live closer to each other. We could rotate 3 hours at each house and miracles could occur.
I will try the egg timer for 20 minutes a day. Nothing like a ticking clock to motivate you.

Keep at it ladies!

[mckenna]

i file my nails while on the phone at work! paint, that is another story.

i have been contemplating a lawn service or cleaning service. i think it would really help.

we have a busy night at our house. i don't know how old your kids are but wait till the bday party invites start happing!! my son has a party sunday early afternoon, then his family bday party at our house is sunday evening, next friday night he has a bday party for his 2 buddies and then at the end of may he has another party for his "best" friend at school. so, tonight, after both kids have checkups (4mo & 4y) we have to grab dinner and shop for 4 birthday gifts!!

so lets find out a litte more about our single parent familes!!

i have 2 kids tommy (4y) and ava (4m)

the toughest part of being a single mom is when my son asks for a dad.

the best part is parenting the way i want without having to agree or disagree with the best way to approach every situation.

who is next!

[Shoshana]

I don't know any single-moms-by-choice. It would be great to be able to share - anyone wanna move to the upper midwest? (I didn't think so!)

I pulled a really 'bad mom' move this morning. I have to be really careful not to criticize other parents because, invariably, I always eat my words. Like today. My parents are arriving this afternoon. After I got up this morning, I changed sheets, cleaned bathroom, did dishes, made Xiomara's breakfast, took a shower, took the trash out, and ran out of time! I packed Xio's clothes and brought her to day care sans bath and still in her PJ's. Aaargh! (Of course, I've looked askance at parents bringing their kids to day care without being dressed - at least Xio had breakfast & a clean diaper.)

I just keep thinking of my mother's cooking and I hope it will all be worth it.

[waitinginnj]

Elizabeth - my name is Ginny, remember? No actually it is Tara.

I have a beautiful and very strong willed 3 1/2 year old. I adopted her at 2 years and 6 days old in 2003. We celebrated 18 months as a family a couple of weeks ago.

I live in NJ. Work in HR. I do work from home 2 days per week, which helps. I commute 1 1/2 hours to work. I do have a cleaning service every two weeks and I do have someone cut the grass.

I have a great network of adoption friends - all but one are two parent households. I moved in the middle of my adoption to be closer to my mom/dad and sister (hence the commute) but it really helps to have them close for my daughter. My dad helps with a lot, but I try not to ask for too much help. (Thankfully, I am still Daddy's little girl.)

My daughter was obsessed with the idea of a Daddy but it is in a calmed off stage right now. Every time Dora was Explorin' - it was, "she is looking for the Daddy." I am sure that the phase will be back soon. She doesn't seem to understand the idea of a birth family at this point. She knows that she was born in Russia and that we flew home on a plane. She points to Russia and the US on a globe, so things will fall into place for her over time.

Best part - is that my daughter thinks that I am her best friend (do you think that this will be fact when she is 15?) and I get all of the "I love yous".

Worst part - guilt for babysitting beyond the scope of daycare.

As for living in the midwest - I grew up outside of Chicago and lived through enough horrible weather. I hate that snow that I have here! How about the Jersey Shore?

[Shoshana]

I remember you from the Russia board (I started with Guat, switched to Russia, then Xio was born) and I remember misreading your name as Ginny. Anyway!

I am a semi-native Floridian, grew up in Fort Lauderdale, but moved "some place more serious" for grad school. I ended up in Delaware (ugh) and now am about 3 hours north of Chi town. I'm not thrilled with this part of the country, but I surely do not miss the traffic on the east coast.

I know what you mean about non-day care baby-sitting guilt. Basically, unless I must be at a function for work, I don't have babysitters. And if Xiomara isn't invited to an event with me, we don't go.

I've met lots of adoptive families but none are single parents! I wonder when the "daddy" issue will come up for Xio. I remember being aware of adoption when I was your daughter's age but I know I didn't have a clear understanding.

Yeah, Tara, I'm convinced we'll be our daughter's best friends when they're teenagers (LOL!)

[michellemartin]

Though I'm no longer a single parent, I have an embarassing single parent story .

I had been dating a guy for a while, and I decided that it was time Karma could meet him since I was pretty sure this relationship was going somewhere. We went to his house to watch a kid movie and for pizza.

Note: Karma was learning to use a potty around this time.

Midway through the movie, Karma goes to use the potty. I asked if she needed help, she says no. Few minutes later she comes out.

She looks at me and says in her most excited voice, "MOMMY! Come look at my poopy!!!"

Needless to say, I turned bright red, wondered if it was possible to sink into the couch so as not to be seen. I was already nervous since this was the first time him and my daughter were going to meet, and although he said he didnt mind that I was a parent, you never really can tell until a guy meets your child. He took it well. Laughed it off while I went to go flush her poopy for her.

My family was just me and Karma for quite some time. Josh entered my life about 3 years ago and we've been living together for a bit over 2. Even though I am no longer a "single parent" I STILL feel SOOO guilty for asking for a sitter any time I'm not working. I hate leaving her with anyone else.

THe ticking of the egg timer IS tons of motivation in itself! When I'm feeling unmotivated some days, I still use it.

[spitzlvr]

Have you ever tried Flylady? I can send you the link if you want. (I am not sure if I can post it).

If you want to vent, I live in NJ too (northern) and my commute is 1 1/2 - 2 hours each way.

[mckenna]

elizabeth, looks like you might be the closest to me, i am in mo.

michelle, i got a good laugh out of your story!

elizabeth, there will be many more times your child goes to daycare in pjs. tommy went 2 days in a row when he refused to get dressed. by the 3rd day he realized i would follow through so got dressed all on his own.

i agree with baby sitting outside of work. i have narrowed weekend obligations to one "have to" a weekend. that way it really limits if any the extra baby sitting. now that tommy is older, i can't drag him to baby/wedding showers or weddings anymore. ava still has to attend with me!

[waitinginnj]

I lived in Manchester, MO for a few years as a young child. My father worked in St. Louis.

Ah the commute. People in NJ get less sleep than any other state in the country because of our commuting. Between NYC and Philly. I don't have to cross the river or I would be at 2+ hours easy.

Oh well, talk soon.