[nancynic]

In 1970, if you had gone to an adoption agency as a single person and applied for an aoption, you would have been turned down. Some states had laws against single parent adoption. Now thousands of children in the United States and other countries are living with single men and women. In the last 20 years there has been a steady increase in single parent aoptions. Approximately 25% of adoptions of children with special needs are by single men and women. (National Adoption Info Clearninghouse).

We'd love to hear your experiences with single parent adoptions. Tell us why you are interested in adoption and what the adoption process and/or single parenting has been like for you.

Nancy

[mckenna]

i became a single foster parent first. then, one of my foster children became available for adoption and decided that we belonged together. being a single mom to one child was breeze compared to being a single mom of two children. however, the rewards are great. i have two foster children (ages 1 & 2) the older will be adopted (by me) soon, but the 1 y/o will most likely be reunited with her bfamily.

one of the biggest challenges, for me has been when one of the kids does something new or cute there is not another adult to share the experience with.

i do however get all the kisses and hugs! also i don't have to clear parenting decisions with anyone else, so that makes it easier on me.

single parenting has been great for me and my kids!

[afdonn]

I am also a foster parent, single, and in the process of adopting one of my foster kids, a 3 yr. old, I also have another 3 yr. old who is moving to another home soon, and I am waiting for a newborn. I have enjoyed kids and it can be hard doing it alone sometimes,, but I'm lucky to have lots of family members to help out. Anne

[nancynic]

Hi,

Thanks for your posts. It seems important to have lots of support as a single parent ... from friends and family members and from the community (and society).

The research states 'Single parents lead lives and seem to manage the demands of jobs, home and parenting with a sure touch ... single parent homes may be particularly suited for children who need intense and close relationships and thus particularly appropriate for older children in foster care who are now being prepared for permanent homes, as for some children, such a close bond may meet a need and be a path to normal development.'

Do you agree?

Nancy

[nawlinsmom]

Hi just read your post and wanted to get in on it, I initially looked into trying to adopt throught the State and was even open to adopting an oder child, however through other connections I signed up with an attorney and then eight months later with an adoption agency and in about six weeks was on my way to California to pick up my new born son. My Son Ryan was born to a controlled Methadone user. According to my son's birthmom she had been on Methadone for the past 14 years, so of course I was scared to death, but after seeing her medical records as well as getting information on my son faxed to me at birth I had physicians tell me to go for it. It was the best decision I have ever made in my life. The last 15 months have been the best an dmy son has no residual affects from the drugs. It has been very demanding but I have learned to slow down a bit at work and to enjoy going home. Prior to my son I worked probably 60 hours a week, now I can't wait to get out of here. I have alot of family support and male influences around for my son and have been lucky enough to have my mother come into my house each day to watch him so I have not had to put him in day care. I am in the process now of trying to find play groups for him to join once or twice a week so that he can get into some additional social interactions. My biggest problem that I deal with is the guilt when I am away from him, I don't experience it as much throughout the work day but if I am away from him at night or on the weekend I just feel terrible, any thoughts on that? and will it get better with time? thanks

[nancynic]

Hi ~

Thanks so much for your post. It's wonderful to read your story! Sounds like a wonderful situation - a loving home for your son, with your mom caring for him while you are at work and male support and role modeling.

I know that feeling of guilt. It is difficult to leave our kids! I think it helps to talk with other parents and to realize that you are providing a home for your son which will help him feel secure and able to trust (the most important thing for infants - getting their needs met i.e. being held, fed, changed, being stimulated by voices and gazing and playing and talking etc).

So as long as you know you are with your baby as much as you can be, while still providing what he needs, it's not really productive to be feeling guilty. What is important is to make the most of your time together.

Please do keep in touch with us about how you all are doing, OK?

I would also love to hear how other parents deal with the 'g' word!

Nancy

[sk8rgrl2]

Is there financial assistance available for single adoptive parents? I would think that with all the children out there needing homes, that there'd be something for single parents, along the lines of child support. I very much want to adopt, but financial demands seem daunting.

I'm wondering about after school care, how most single parents provide for that, how to provide for the 'extras' like sports or music or other specialty activities a child might want to do. I'd hate to see any extra money getting sucked up in day care expenses. I'm considering an older child, so this may not be a huge issue, if at all.

I'm also reluctant to give up too much of my lifestyle. I want to keep up figure skating, which is not cheap. I once was a Big Sister to a foster child, and she would accompany me to competitions, and would end up playing with all the other mothers' kids, and had a great time. I got her into lessons, and would have eventually gotten her into competitions, but she got placed with a foster family who terminated the match. I would love to be able to share this sport with a child, as I think it has a positive impact on behavior and academics, and physical health, not to mention unspeakable fun.

BUt, however selfish that sounds, that's the one thing I don't want to give up for myself. Anybody else have a hobby-gone-wild that they were able to continue after adopting?

[nancynic]

Hi ~

Check out the web site for the National Council for Single Parent Adoption ... and you'll find some information on financial assistance!

Let us know how you do ~

Happy New Year,

Nancy

[Mistymouse]

Where did you find that research?

I am not married, nor do I have any prospects for that at this point. I am considering becoming a foster parent/ and or adopting. I am especially interested in international adoption. I feel more drawn to those with more severe issues. My thinking is that these would need more one on one attention.

Thanks so much!