[Stella1985]

I am new here and don't know where to get help and i have a lot of problems. i am looking at other websites and maybe someone on here can help me or tell me where to go to get help.

I changed my mind about putting my baby up for adoption. I am not very far along and have the whole summer to plan. i was planning on starting college in the fall fulltime but now am going to go part-time. What i am worried about is the time until I deliver.

I found a couple in january, pretty much when i found out I was pregnant. my bf told me to put the baby up for adoption or else he was going to never talk to me again. the couple had an agency and i called the agency and ever since then, i had only been talking to the agency. i started feeling really bad about this whole mess and I broke up with my bf because he was not spending any time with me and he told me that he didn't want to be around me b/c our friends felt uncomfrotable with me being pregnant and it is not that fun to be around a pregnant girl. i won't even talk to him now. He said he thinks that the baby is not even his and he tells his friends to make fun of me or not talk to me.

anyways, the agency sent me an email about two weeks ago about getting together for a meeting. But they didn't realize they sent me a forwarded email from the acouple and the discussion between the agency and the acouple. i guess i feel pretty uncomfortable because the agency was kind of "training" the couple to say "this" or "that" and make sure they keep telling me "this" in order for me to go trhough with teh adoption. So, i really started looking at myself and realized that I was alone in this. i am really embarrassed that i got this email but on the other hand, i feel lied to. i don't know if the social worker pressed the wrong button to send it or what. but i called her and told her that i was not interested in putting my baby up for adoption.

since then, i have gotten emails from the couple saying that i have caused a lot of stress in their lives and hurt them beyond belief and they are concerned about my well-being. I told the agency that i don't want to have anything to do with this anymore. the agency calls me 2x a week or so to see "how things are" and they have even called my mom and left messages to give to me so i am scared they are trying to talk to her or to get her to get me to put the baby up for adoption. the saddest part of all is that i was talking to another bmom that the agency told me about (they gave me her number) and she was really supportive until i told her that i was not putting my baby up for adoption. i was talking to her like every day and now she doesn't answer her phone or my emails. I thought she was going to be supportive of me no matter what!

i work part-time but will be fulltime during the summer and then i will be starting college and working the best i can. I just have a lot going on and am mad that this happened because i feel used. i feel like my bf used me, i was treated like a fool by people because they wanted a baby, and now i am trying to find out how to fix this and take responsibility for what i have done. Even another birthmom won't talk to me becuase i am not putting the baby up for adoption. i guess i just felt like when eveyrone says they will support my decision no matter what, that they really would be there no matter what. how do i get the agency to stop calling me? how do i go on by myself knowing that all of my freinds are not my friends anymore because my bf told them about getting pregnant?

[debsdone]

Stella, I am so sorry you are going through all this! Especially as being pregnant in itself is an emotional roller coaster! If you don't want the agency to call anymore, write them a letter and send it registered mail. tell them you do not want to be harassed anymore. They will stop. As for your friends, kids this immature won't be there for you when you are a mother with a baby, so it is just as well you find out now. You will have totally different responsibilities as a parent, and will make new friend who can help and support you. Once you go to childbirth classes you should meet people! I wish you good luck and a healthy pregnancy and baby! Love, Debi

[lucyjoy]

You have nothing to fix or take responsibility for. You have every right to ask about adoption and then decide it's the wrong choice and to parent your baby. The agency and the parents who wanted your baby have no right to harrass you or your family.
It sounds to me like your making good decisions. YOu owe them nothing.

[lucyjoy]

If you read the original post it tells you the bfather claims the kid isn't his and pressured her to put baby up for adoption.

She also didn't change her mind because of the couple, whe never wanted to give up her baby in the first place, she just felt pressured.

She's old enough to be starting college and old enough to decide to raise her child.

There is a lot of assistance available for young mothers. My mom always told us if she'd waited to be able to afford kids, she'd never have had any. There's six of us and we never felt like we were doing without, but we weren't geiven everything we wanted either.

[sspete]

Hi Stella--It is awfully hard to be a young girl and pregnant. This last thing you need is the bf treating you cruel, and the adoption agency harassing you! I am like Debi--send them a registered letter telling them you have changed your mind!! Make sure you hang on to your copies. I admire and respect you for deciding to keep and raise your baby. I hope that you will find real friends in your journey that will be of great support to you. It is sad to find out who your real friends are in time of tragedy, but that is the way it goes. Hang on to hope, and remember what comes around goes around. Remember you are not alone--You will be in my prayers!! I have been in your shoes when I was only sixteen. I remember that feeling. Although I chose adoption for my baby, I still went through the nine months of pregnancy. I know how people can be. Hang in there!! It will get better!!

[Flick]

not to be a jerk or anything, but are you really willing to do this knowing that the father is NEVER going to want anything to do with the baby? even if he said it wasn't his, if it is, then what? he is forced to live paying support and looking bad because he doesn't want to be a father. i don't understand why this is always the girl's choice. if she wants an abortion, she gets one. if she wants to keep the baby, she can, if she wants to give it to a better home, she can do that, too. but a guy that is having a kid has no rights to nothing. it is hard to know that someone else can control some guy's life and pretty much wreck it you know?

i have seen this happen to my buddies and it is so unfair because a lot of my firends get told they are going to have kids, then the girls are having abortions, and then they change their minds, then they want to give it up, then they don't. it is too much to handle when you just want a life of your own. yeah, he probably did pressure her to put it up for adopton. when you are young you shouldn't be having kids. you should be living your life and HAVING a life.

[sweetgolly]

support her and her decision, please. and if you cannot then please don't post. i, too, changed my mind because i felt my reasons were not right to put my baby up for adoption. to not have support hurts. she sounds like she is doing what is right for her and her baby.

[Stella1985]

thank you for all of the responses. i will send out the letter to the agency tomorrow registered mail.

[mintshastagrape]

you should report this agency for harassment. they could be in trouble for this.
you should keep your baby because you would make a good mom and becuase its your legal right to do so.

[Stella1985]

my bf wants to get back together and he said he was sorry about everything!!! his parents still hope that i put the baby up for adoption (they don't like me), but he says that he doesn't feel that way. I told him that i don't want to be around our friends anymore and he said that we can still spend time together, just not at the places we usually hang out if that makes me feel more comfortable. so we are going to be just dating and he is just going to come over to my house and me over to his and then he will be going out with our friends without me. I love him so much! I hope that this works out.

[Sharon]

I hope it works out too. Best of luck to both of you...oops! I mean, all THREE of you! You have every right to be happy and hopeful. Please don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Sincerely, Sharon

[tincan]

Of course mothers have rights to parent her child just like the men do. I think if a dad doesnt want to pay child support or have anything to do with the child he should give up all his rights to the mom.

If you want to keep your baby you should do that. No one has a right to tell you that you have to give up your child for adoption or have an abortion.

Just concentrate on being the best mom you know how. The child will love you for what you did for him or her. I know I would. I am thankful for what my parents gave up just to parent me and to keep me.

[tincan]

If you want a life of your own dont have sex or use birth control. some people just tick me off.

Some people think they can just get a girl pregnant and have no responsiblity.

[mixedup]

Stella,
As an adoptee I find it apaulling that anyone would pressure you into giving up YOUR child! My bmother knew in her heart that giving me up was the right thing. SHe was pressured by a judge to not give me up and even scolded for it. But she followed her heart and it was the right thing for me. I am sorry you have gone through so much pain during your pregnancy. Just remember the baby growing inside you has no voice. Everything going on in your life does effect the child in everyway. Take care of youself and your baby. Your bf sounds pretty selfish and I am not sure if you want that type of guy as your baby's father. I hope he changes his attitude. Just follow your heart and you can't go wrong. Best of luck.
Christina

[KatieMill]

Stella--

I am a waiting adoptive mother...and I am appalled at the lack of decency and support you've been shown by the agency and the adoptive couple. I cannot imagine why you've only had internet support all these months from the agency..(unless of course that is what you wanted.)

I hate that you heard things from the potential parents about their stress--because that is their issue to deal with...not yours. My husband and I have experienced a change in decision from a mother...and never once did we consider that "she" put us under stress with her decision. Just know that they are human...and in their humanness they have erred in where they shared their feelings.

I encourage you to follow your heart -- because you know what is best for the child you are carrying...I will keep you in my prayers...and keep coming here for support!! Lots of love and encouragement on these boards.