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Originally Posted By Unsuccessful Single Dad

It is almost the beginning of a new year. Since January 1999 is when I decided to become an adoptive parent. I took the classes required in my state and through some ridiculous mishaps the Home Study finally was completed the beginning of this year. (Anyone ever had the problem of getting their fire inspection appointment taken care of over a 4-month period?!!!??!?!?) I kept pushing along to get it completed like walking through a snow storm in the Alaskan terrain. I finally got it done. :-)

     While taking the classes we were encouraged to search and identify children. Phone calls were placed, but only 2 were returned over almost a year's time. I chalked that up as to not having the official Home Study completed. Once that finally got done I thought the "no return call" response would go away. It's stronger than ever. I've had 3 phone calls returned. I just don't get it. It is so frustrating. I don't know if it's because I am single, but I can't help the fact I haven't walked down the aisle yet. Perhaps it will happen, but I'm in my mid-30s and I don't really want to waste time looking for Mrs Right anymore and then settle into the marriage (more time going by) and then I'm suddenly in my 40s starting a family. I want to be a relatively young dad. I did not think it would be this difficult, or should I say disappointing?

    I then figured the no phone calls being returned was because I had no foster papers signed. Perhaps being "strictly" an adoptive parent might have been too inflexible. I got the foster license on the underlying notion for adoption only and the phone calls still don't get returned. UGH!

    My social worker does not seem to look for chldren. She only seems to notify my when she needs something (like a quarterly visit). I've already decided I will not renew the foster license because it hasn't done me any good. What's the point? I got my Home Study done through my county's Social Services Department. I began to think that agency in itself wasn't good enough so I began searching through the agencies they recommended as alternatives. I was appalled at the astounding amounts of money they required. All requiring funds which exceeded pricing for a good used car. In addition to that I would have to do all the paper work and Home Study stuff all over again. I did it once. I could not see doing it again and paying thousands of dollars for something I already had.

     I thought rooting for my son on the weekends at his games would be so grand. It still has not happened and here comes another holiday season with an empty house...just me and the animals. I just don't get it. I don't honestly know what the problem is and after all this time I am beginning to take it personally. I am surprised I haven't given up sooner, but I guess that shows my passion to be a good father.

     My only source is adopt.org and the photolistings and the photolistings of the other offered links. I've recently decided to stop looking in-state so searching out of state might be a different experience, but if the phone calls still don't get returned then I've had it. All I want is a boy right now. I want to cheer him on at his games. Watch him graduate high school and college and make a good life for himself and then get married (or vice-versa LOL). I'm single so I know I can't go "too young" nor "too old" but somewhere between 8 or 9 up to 14 would be nice. I hope it happens some day soon. Looking at that empty childless bedroom is getting unnerving.

Unsuccessful Dad in North Carolina.

P.S.: I want to thank Jay in Michigan for steering me towards this forum. :-)

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Originally Posted By Sharon

Quite a few single men are adopting internationally. There's greater certainty of getting a placement in a reasonable period of time.

China is one choice for single men. Men who want to adopt boys need only to be age 30 or over. Men who want to adopt girls have to be at least 40 years older than the child they are assigned. China does have a policy against gay and lesbian parents, and the homestudy usually has to indicate that a man is heterosexual for him to be approved.

The process for China is very ethical and straightforward. You must work through an agency that is licensed in the U.S. and accredited by China. You need an approved homestudy, INS clearance, and a dossier of documents with various seals. Once your dossier goes to China, it takes about 7-8 mo. for a referral. Once you accept your referral, you travel about 8 weeks later. The trip is 10-14 days. Fees are moderate.

China has more girls than boys available, though singles as well as couples have managed to adopt boys. Some other countries that accept male applicants, such as Vietnam, actually have more boys than girls available.

So don't despair of becoming a parent. Just begin thinking about all the possible ways of doing so.

[Archive]

Originally Posted By Pam

So many people automatically think "pedophile" when they hear of a single man wanting to adopt. I would agree that international adoption may be your best bet. However, I find it astounding, that if you are able to take an older child, that you haven't had better luck. There are thousands of boys in this country who grow up without families just becase they are male and over 3 years old. Please don't give up!

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My experience has been a bit different than yours. I am a gay single male. I have worked with three adoption agencies so far and do not yet have a homestudy. The most recent agency was very positive about approving my homestudy until Wednesday of this past week when they found out I am gay. They didn't ask so I didn't tell. The interveiws had been completed including a battery of 3 or 4 psychological evaluations, the home inspection was completed, the physical and background check. All without any significant reservations. As I write this I am considering fighting. I am civicly active (United Way, Big Brother, board member with civil rights group) and a regular church goer. I am an employed professional and in nearly impecable financial shape. Yes, discrimination does exist but we don't need to quietly tolerate it.

I don't understand your problem with unreturned phone calls. For the most part my phone calls are returned. I have a three ring binder with about a hundred kids I have gathered information on (I have been at this for one and half years so far). I have watched them be placed in what I felt were less than ideal placements as I lingered in homestudylessness. One of the reasons I think my calls are returned is because I call until they call back or until I get a hold of them. Many of the people I have talked to are very willing to provide me with information about the kids behaviors, school performance, reasons for coming into care, placement histories, etc.. Some will not. Do not waste your time with these people unless you are really attracted to the kid. If they are particularly obstinate speak with their supervisor or their supervisor's supervisor. There is no need to treat these people gently when they are hindering you in helping them do their job. Others often try to steer me to other kids if the one I am interested in is placed. If you would like, I could provide you with some contacts. They will mainly be in Michigan and Ohio.

Thicken your skin and go after what you want. Do not be deterred by silly stall tactics. These people's jobs are to place kids without permanent famlies in families who will enjoy their company.