[6furbabies]

Hello,

I've been considering adoption for years now. Last year, I finally took a step towards adoption by becoming a foster/adoption parent. I got my first placement in May, and she's been so perfect for me and my family, it's unbelievable. I'm so in love with this little girl, I can't imagine losing her (which may be happening sometime around November). So... as much as I know foster care is important, and I definitely want to continue fostering, and hope for a child who can stay with me forever, the uncertainty of foster care is driving me crazy!

I've looked into domestic adoption, but it seems like in the majority of the cases (not all), pregnant bmoms are mainly looking for couples to adopt their babies. I've also looked into International adoption, but the costs (including trips to the country) is a bit overwhelming. And, like I said - I'm currently fostering. Although I know it's worth it, the emotional cost is a lot to deal with.

What made you decide to go the route you went, and what have been your biggest obstacles and rewards?

[sugarandspice697]

I wanted a healthy baby without any birth parent contact or the risk that he/she might change her mind. Therefore, I did embryo donation and I believe it was the best decision for me.

[parenting-over-40]

I just followed my heart. I had been talking about adoption for a few years but never took a step forward. Finally someone told me about the Foster to Adopt program and that sounded interesting. So, a year and a half later I decided I was ready to at least go to an informational meeting. Once I started hearing about these children, my heart told me I was in the right place.

I am very blessed that my first placement became my forever daughter. My plan is to adopt one more thru the Foster to Adopt program but I am not active right now. I plan to go active again in early 2010.

[Asha0314]

I wanted an infant with no special needs so I chose private agency adoption

[stllc116]

I'm currently applying for an international adoption. I was worried that with domestic adoption I would sit on a waiting list for years as most mothers chose couples. In my state it is extremely difficult for a single mother to be chosen for younger healthier children as there are usually plenty of couples waiting for that age group unless you foster. I decided not to foster at this point of my life because of the emotional rollarcoaster of caring for children and then having them go back to their family. I also have a lot of personal ties to the country I'm adopting from.

[cynthia900]

I chose adoption through the state for my first adoption because I thought I was a good fit for older child adoption and didn't want an infant. I wound up adopting an infant after a long wait. Second time I did independent domestic adoption and adopted within 9 months. I adopted my third through an agency since I did not have the time to devote to finding a birthmom on my own. From my experience, if you go with an agency that has success with single parent adoptions you may have to wait a little longer than a young couple but there are plenty of birthmoms who are comfortable choosing single moms. I'd be happy to share more info if you are interested in this path. Feel free to pm me.

[vernellinnj]

Originally Posted by sugarandspice697

I wanted a healthy baby without any birth parent contact or the risk that he/she might change her mind. Therefore, I did embryo donation and I believe it was the best decision for me.

Was that expensive? Can you give a range (if you can't here, PM would be great).

[jenijj]

Originally Posted by cynthia900

I chose adoption through the state for my first adoption because I thought I was a good fit for older child adoption and didn't want an infant. I wound up adopting an infant after a long wait. Second time I did independent domestic adoption and adopted within 9 months. I adopted my third through an agency since I did not have the time to devote to finding a birthmom on my own. From my experience, if you go with an agency that has success with single parent adoptions you may have to wait a little longer than a young couple but there are plenty of birthmoms who are comfortable choosing single moms. I'd be happy to share more info if you are interested in this path. Feel free to pm me.

Hi,
You sound very blessed! How did you find agencies and your independent placement as a single? It seems harder to network as a single and I am in a similar quandary as vernellinni!

Although I had hoped to meet my husband by now, God has a different plan for my life apparently and I trust His heart and love for me. However, I have prayed for many years and want to start my family. I have been a teacher my whole life, in both general and special education and can't wait to have children of my own to teach and to love. I am just starting the process and already have plenty of questions and confusions! :cutelaugh:

I have attended two orientation sessions, one with an agency placing domestic newborns and one with an agency that places foster kids and children with special needs. I long for a baby but don't know if that's possibly - it seems pretty unlikely since I'm single. I have a heart for kids with special needs and skills as a special educator, but I also know the resources necessary to support children with disabilities and especially since I eventually want more than one child.

I'm struggling with these decisions. I feel God's leading but it's hard to know which is the right direction to head. :dontknow: I like the idea of a facilitator but haven't found one in my state yet. And there are quite a few other agencies I haven't even been to yet! I don't know anyone who has adopted recently so I'm looking forward to this forum! Thanks! Jeni :bye:

[parenting-over-40]

Originally Posted by jenijj

Hi,
You sound very blessed! How did you find agencies and your independent placement as a single? It seems harder to network as a single and I am in a similar quandary as vernellinni!

Although I had hoped to meet my husband by now, God has a different plan for my life apparently and I trust His heart and love for me. However, I have prayed for many years and want to start my family. I have been a teacher my whole life, in both general and special education and can't wait to have children of my own to teach and to love. I am just starting the process and already have plenty of questions and confusions! :cutelaugh:

I have attended two orientation sessions, one with an agency placing domestic newborns and one with an agency that places foster kids and children with special needs. I long for a baby but don't know if that's possibly - it seems pretty unlikely since I'm single. I have a heart for kids with special needs and skills as a special educator, but I also know the resources necessary to support children with disabilities and especially since I eventually want more than one child.

I'm struggling with these decisions. I feel God's leading but it's hard to know which is the right direction to head. :dontknow: I like the idea of a facilitator but haven't found one in my state yet. And there are quite a few other agencies I haven't even been to yet! I don't know anyone who has adopted recently so I'm looking forward to this forum! Thanks! Jeni :bye:

You sound like you might be a good fit for Foster Care. I am a single Mom who adopted a baby girl thru Foster Care about a year ago. She came to me at 4 weeks of age. I plan to adopt one more (younger than my daughter who is now 22 months old).

Foster to Adopt agencies seem to be in need of Parents who have experience with Special Needs. As for the expense raising them long - term . . . look into your states Subsidy program. Typically states will cover those costs thru Medicaid. I don't know if they will cover all of the costs but you can get help. Just a thought! Good luck with your decision.

[sugarmuffin]

Like you before starting the process and sometimes during the process I was nervous that noone would pick me over a two parent family. BUT i was picked within two weeks after completing my homestudy. When asked why me over all the other couples the bmom's response was "There is something about her that makes me know she is the one." So journey on with confidence and even though its hard try not to fret about being chosen.

PM if you have any questions.

[cynthia900]

Jeni

You sound like you will be a great Mom! I looked at agencies online and then called them with a list of questions and talked to references after I had it narowed down. I asked how many parents they had, how many placements in the previous year, how many singles in the past year, how many failed adoptions, what their philosophy is, when and how they match etc. I asked for feedback about my short list agencies here and a couple of other places too and checked them out on the Better Business Bureau. Foster to adopt is certainly an option but if you decide to go this route I would definitely connect with others in your region to get helpful advice and I would be very strict about setting your requirements up front - with your background there is a good chance in many areas they will try to take you out of your desired preferences to take some harder to place children. I have a daughter with special needs and while I do not regret adopting her, it is many times over the work of my other children and her needs are fairly mild compared to many in care. I certainly don't mean to convince you that it is the wrong path but I would enter that path with my eyes wide open. I do think if you want a newborn that it is totally doable. If you would like suggestions on agencies please pm me and I'll get you started with a few I am aware of.

Cynthia

[stilldeciding]

I wanted to go International and DH wasn't ready...when he became "ready"...he was laid off from his job two years in a row. FINALLY we are BOTH wanting to adopt and now we couldn't afford it. When he found another job, we began to talk again about adopting...then our chosen country we heard was rumored to close. Frustrated, we waited and sure enough...they closed. We then began to discuss other options...getting pregnant again...we have 2 biological boys, foster care adoption and maybe another international country. Well we have tried to get pregnant twice, sort of at the end of my cycle and nothing yet as well as began the process last year to get licensed to adopt from foster care. We had one foster son that wasn't a good match for our family and chose to end that placement. We then took a break from adopting after T left. We just recently contacted our agency to begin talks with them. Our current homestudy is due to expire next month..so we either have to re-new or move on. So for us...we are STILL in a bit of a limbo. While I really do want to adopt...it has NOT happened! I think at some point, we will understand HOW and IF we will have another child..but for now...our route STILL isn't clear. My feeling is just try and open up a door and see what if anything happens..Good Luck!