[desertmom2b]

I am in the process of finishing my license. I just have one more homestudy and my licensing visit! This Saturday is my final homestudy visit and my SW says it will be spent telling her what I see my adoptive children as....ages, m/f, multiples, etc. I have been going nuts all week trying to figure out the answers.
When I first started the process I was set on a little girl in Kindergarten/1st grade age, thinking that as a single mom this would be easiest to start out with. Everything I've researched and the sites I've looked at for available children tend to lean more on boys being available. I have heard that it takes longer to get girls. So, now I am thinking of putting down either sex. And, I am considering up to 2 children, also. I know I want at least 2 children so am thinking siblings would be the way to go. I only have one bedroom so they need to be the same gender.
I have also heard that with siblings, if the oldest is older then 8 years old there could be issues with that child trying to always be "mom" to the younger ones and bonding is more difficult.
With all that being said, do you have any suggestions or input to help with my decision?

[Yash]

You just have sit down and decide what you could handle. If you get an older child and they have behavioral issues, do you have the type of job that will allow you to leave every time the school calls or to take them to various doctor and therapy appts? Does your agency do any transporting, if the child or children have visits?

I went into the fost/adopt program only wanting to adopt and I wanted to experience every moment I could so I requested either sex, after an adoption matcher told me the wait for a girl could be 9 - 18 months, and a child under 1. I was licensed for 2 kids, but I thought I could only handle one at a time.

My son came home at 5-days-old, younger than I expected for some reason I had it stuck in my head I would get a baby 3 months or older. Did I get phone calls from my boss sometimes as we waited forever and a day at the peditrician's office? Yes, I did. So sometimes I had to do a little work, while we waited, but I figured that was all par the course.

Yes, more boys are waiting than girls. Best of luck with your decision.

[wellnow]

But you sound like me...I haven't even started my PRIDE training yet but I am also going back and forth on this issue...

I have 6 nephews and thought that a girl would be fit me so I can do girly things with them..but then there are days where I throw on a warm up and tennis shoes and play video games all day so a little boy might be better!!!

What ultimately will be my deciding factor, I don't know...I do know that reading the case file on the child will definitely help me decide...

All the posts I have read from other adoptive parents indicated that they all looked at their current lifestyle, hobbies, ages, physical abilities, finances, how much space they have, etc. when making a decision...

And I have read posts where the older "child" has taken on the parenting role and while it does take time to help them become a "child" again, I haven't seen where it really hindered the bonding with the parent...they just have to trust and know that you are there and that their needs(and that of their siblings) are being met...they may never totally relinquish control but that "co-parenting" behavior becomes less frequent as time goes on....

I have thought about adopting a sibling group myself and I do know that here in Tx, they can share a room up to a certain age(forgot what that is)...which depending on the age received, could give more time for you to move to a bigger living space if that is your desire...

Best of luck in your decision!!!!!!!!

[desertmom2b]

Thanks for the info. You both mentioned things I didn't even think about!! Definitely very helpful.

[DannieAS]

I'm going back and forth as well. I have a double master suite townhome so I can take up to 2 same gender....want them preschool age...but I'm sure I'll make up my mind as to whether I'll go with 1 only.

I guess as an only child, I want to have a child with a sibling...but I am also going to be a single mom, so I do need to think of the best interests of the child(ren) over any selfish or sentimental reasons. (for the record, I loved my childhood...but sometimes do wish I had a sibling)

[desertmom2b]

I decided to go with 1-2 children under the age of 8. Either sex. I'd prefer for the first one to be between 5-8 so they are in school and I only have to do daycare for the 2nd one. Although, now I that I made that decision and had it put in my homestudy, I am seeing all kinds of toddlers/infants and suddenly have the desire for younger.

I am trying hard to trust my faith and believe that God has my special child(ren) already picked out and waiting for me. I know I will be blessed when the time comes.