[sparkle1908]

Hey everyone..I was just wondering how did you single parents decide which gender was right for you to adopt?

I have 7 nephews (oldest is 23, youngest is 6) and 2 nieces (17 yrs old and 6 yrs old) so I was leaning towards adopting a little girl...however, in recent days I have been looking more and more into adopting a little boy...I think with the age range I want to adopt (6-9 yrs) either would fit into my lifestyle...it is a lot to think about and I am just wondering how others made their final decision....

[ocracoke]

Keep in mind that you do not need to decide. You can leave it up to fate and see what you are referred. At least with international adoption more people request to adopt infant girls then boys. Not sure why. Even with older kids girls are easier to place. Some agencies will not let you pick gender. Some agencies will not let first time parents to pick gender. You probably have a lot more say with older children then with infants.

That being said -- I did pick gender. Initially I was going to leave it up to fate. I knew I could parent either one. I thought it was unfair to pick. But the deeper I got into adoption the more I realized that I was dreaming of a little girl. I just wanted a daughter. If I adopt again I will again ask for a girl but for different reasons. Now it is because I have a daughter and a 2 bedroom house -- and no plans to change that.

Just do what is right for you.
Samantha

[sugarmuffin]

I agree with sparkle you may not have a choice. My agency will not be gender specific(I cannot turn down a referal because of gender) so I am ready for whatever God gives me. But with your age range in domestic you shouldn't have too much of a problem.
Wishing you the best of luck

[Asha0314]

My agency would not let me specify gender.

[sparkle1908]

thanks for your responses...does it matter if you go through a private agency? I am going through the state...I didn't see anywhere on their website that you aren't able to select gender so I assumed that I could...I will find out more details though...thanks again!!

[krisrose]

I went through the state, and going through the state you can decide exactly what you want as far as gender, age group, everything. I knew early on I wanted a girl because one, I don't know a whole lot about boys, and two, I am a girly-girl who loves shopping, make-up, etc. and felt a girl would fit better in with my lifestyle and who I am. I also decided to go for a school-age child because being single and working I knew I wouldn't have the time and energy to devote to an infant or toddler. Good luck with everything!

[sparkle1908]

thank you Krisrose!!! Your situation sounds exactly like the one I plan to pursue...I may be "bothering" you with some questions regarding State adoption...

[krisrose]

Absolutely, you can ask me anything. You can PM me if you want and I'll send you my e-mail address.

[Yash]

I knew I wanted a girl until my very last foster class when I was told by the adoption matcher that the wait for a newborn baby girl was 9 - 12 months. I thought to myself is this little girl the second coming of Jesus? She then told me if I was open to a boy, particularly a minority boy, I would have a placement quickly. I knew before I walked out of the building that I would have a son. My homestudy did say I was open to either gender after that conversation.

[kerrib]

I adopted internationally and did not specify a gender. I decided to leave it to fate and whoever was referred to me would be the right child. I was referred a baby girl who is fabulous! I think my agency assumed I wanted a girl because I saw an email that said they had a client who was looking for a baby girl. It's ironic because I thought as a single I would be more likely to be referred a boy and had to adjust my thinking when my daughter was referred to me.

To answer the question about international adoptions, most of the people, even in couples, who are driving the adoption process are women and most women seem to want girls. Given that thought (theory?) since boys are requested less often there are often shorter wait times for a boy. Also, you could very well end up with a very tomboyish girl who hates to shop!

In the end, just go with your instinct - it will be the right one!

[Dhewco]

While I'm not yet ready to start the process (life keeps throwing things at me and now I'm in school and going to wait until after), I thought I'd put in my two cents.

I doubt I'd have a choice as a single man. Not sure I'd want a choice either, but who knows what I'd get if I left it open. I can't see myself adopting a girl by herself. I could see a brother-sister pair, but I doubt it would happen.

I couldn't see a girl by herself for the simple reason that I wouldn't know how to talk to her during the 'important' discussions like puberty. I'd probably freak. I realize that with a bro-sis pair I would still have that problem but it seems like it wouldn't loom quite as large. Weird, eh?

Of course, I doubt that a first-time adoptive father would even be allowed a daughter in this day and age and wouldn't want to face the inevitable questions about why a single man would even think of a daughter.


David

[desertmom2b]

I am going thru the State too and was told to decide what I want before my next homestudy visit which is this Saturday. I am more of the "Tomboy" type girl, jeans, tennies, outdoors, camping, off-roading, etc. Originally I was thinking girl because it would be easier as a single mom, but now I am thinking more toward boy because of my hobbies & outdoor lifestyle. All my friends and family say to put "Either" on the sex because when you have your own birth children you do not get to choose. Makes sense to put it in Gods hands. Now the biggest choice is age range....