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  #1  
Old 07-16-2007, 12:56 PM
AJV1969 AJV1969 is offline
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Single male adoption

Hi, gang. I just stumbled on to this forum. Looks like a great resource for adoption information. I am a single male (37 years old). Unfortunately, I have not been blessed to find someone to settle down with and raise a family. Sometimes I feel like I've been robbed of that, as most people my age are married and have families of their own by this age. I long to have that, and sometimes it seems as if I've "missed the boat." I especially long for the experience of fatherhood. I've been told constantly by friends, colleagues and associates that I would make a great dad. Adoption never even crossed my mind, until a friend suggested that as an option. After some basic research, I would definitely like to consider adoption, as ther are so many kids in foster care waiting for permanent homes. I guess the big question is if single males have a fair shot at becoming adotive parents. Some of the research I've done indicate that there are lots of scrutiny and roadblocks for single males looking into adoption. Nevertheless, I still want to look into this. I just don't know where to start. Any advice to point me in the right direction would be greatly appreciated. I live in California. Thanks!
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  #2  
Old 07-16-2007, 03:23 PM
DianeS DianeS is offline
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While some agencies do indeed set up "roadblocks" and special requirements for single men who wish to adopt, there are also ones that do not. There are several men on these boards who have successfully adopted children.

Hop over to the Special Needs & Attachment board here, and look for posts by "Original Mike" and "Indy". Both of them are single men who chose to adopt children from foster care, just like you are contemplating. Talking to them would be great for you, and then can help you work through any potential issues and how to deal with those people who will be less than supportive of your decision, even if those people turn out to be social workers.

Good luck to you!
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  #3  
Old 07-16-2007, 03:34 PM
Strawberry_Shortcake Strawberry_Shortcake is offline
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I wouldn't think you should have too much trouble. You might want to contact a state agency to get specifics, but single men are definitely able to adopt through the foster care system. You might find that there are specific children who are not available for you, however. For instance, there was a sibling group I was interested in a while back (I'm a single adoptive mother), but was told that they specifically wanted a couple for these children. I would imagine that a young girl who was molested by her bio dad would not be placed with a single male as well. On the other hand, I know of lots of boys especially that are available for adoption that could really use a strong male role model. That is honestly one of the biggest things these kids lack.

Anyway, from my perspective (single mom, not dad), I didn't have any trouble. I started the process in February of 2006, brought home my son in November 2006 and will bring home my second child this fall. There are so many kids that need loving families, and they really are mostly looking for loving, stable adults who will cherish these kids.

Leah
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  #4  
Old 07-17-2007, 03:05 PM
AJV1969 AJV1969 is offline
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Thanks for the helpful info and advice. I really appreciate your input.
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  #5  
Old 07-17-2007, 07:07 PM
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scandi scandi is offline
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I would just add that each state feels different towards single parents. I was not able to adopt from foster care thru my state - MN as a single parent but TX was great to work with- twice hopeful for a third time soon. In fact, TX for a long time had a family created by adoption on the front of their site that showed a single dad and his kids. I say check out how your state feels about it and then others so you don't spend alot of time spinning your wheels. I spent 2 years before switching to an agency that would allow me to go out of state.
just my experiences
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  #6  
Old 07-26-2007, 01:04 PM
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hammondorgboi hammondorgboi is offline
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Hi..Im also a single male (40 y.o.) in California that is considering adoption as well. I can relate to a lot of the frustrations you mentioned. I've been feeling a strong need to become a dad for the last several years, and since I turned 40, that feeling has increased tenfold. I was always told that the perfect LTR would come along when you least expect it, so I've been patiently waiting doing my best to "not expect", and nada. I've decided if I want to become a dad, I'm going to have to make it happen myself. I frequently work in the labor and delivery area of a hospital, and it just kills me watching people become new parents all day long, and then going home alone that night. I have some nieces and nephews (blood-related and otherwise), and while it's great being a part of their lives, it really only deepens the pain of not having a child of my own (it's also great practice, though). I still have some fears and uncertainties about being a single parent, but those seem to be diminishing a lot the more I research it. I would love to talk with some single adoptive dads about this.
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  #7  
Old 08-01-2007, 08:52 AM
Cuervas Cuervas is offline
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Hello! I am a 30 year old (soon to be 31) single male who is seeking to adopt. Like so many else, marrage seems to have passed me by. And it hasn't passed me by because I am some sort of psyco or anything, but rather because of my own laziness in that arena.

Being single is great, don't get me wrong. I have nobody to answer to. I get to spend all of my money on my toys (computers and home theater). I own my own house (with a roomate who pays me rent), and have a nice car. Despite all of that however my life has a huge hole in it... No one to provide for, nurture, and call family. Who knew that even men can have that need programmed into them?

Most of my friends are married, and are starting to have children of their own. The more I watch that the more I realize that I want a family of some sort even if marrage doesn't find me.

I have started the process to become licenced to foster/adopt in my home state of Missouri as of mid June and I am already well on my way to be licensed. So far it has been rather easy. My local family services office has been quite open to the idea of single and male and have not thrown me any road blocks. I have noticed however that I need to be a little more proactive when communicating with them.

Quote:
I still have some fears and uncertainties about being a single parent, but those seem to be diminishing a lot the more I research it. I would love to talk with some single adoptive dads about this.

I had that for quite sometime myself in the 3 years leading up to this decision. Once I came out into the open about this and got the overwhelming support of my friends and family those fears have largely subsided. Now I am finding myself in almost a constant state of excitment. The only fear I really have anymore is the question of how my social life will be affected. I do have tendencies to get lonely quickly unless I am out and about with friends. So far my best answer to that question is to let go of that need, which I am working on now.

Anyways, I have probably rambled on enough for one post. I hope to hear from other single men around the country or in my state who have or are looking to adopt.
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  #8  
Old 08-06-2007, 07:27 PM
Strawberry_Shortcake Strawberry_Shortcake is offline
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Hi there. I'm not a single dad; I'm a single mom, but I wanted to respond quickly regarding the social life issue. I was pretty much a homebody to begin with and would actually rather stay home most evenings. However, I have found that it is important to give myself some breaks from my son (as much as I love him). My parents watch my son a couple evenings a month while I go out; also, since my son has special needs, we qualify for habilitation and respite care. I mostly use those for when I work though. Anyway, I think it's all about finding a balance. You won't be able to go out all night every night with your friends anymore (and will probably be too tired for a while anyway), but it is important to get out every once in a while. You'll find that you're a better parent when you get some "you" time every once in a while.

Leah
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  #9  
Old 08-23-2007, 06:29 AM
anneo anneo is offline
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If any of you single guys are interested in international adoption, Estonia is open to single men.

Cuervas -- as to your social like. Since you said a lot of your friends are starting to have families, you can still hang out with them and have everyone bring the kids along.
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  #10  
Old 09-20-2007, 10:49 AM
pnewcombe pnewcombe is offline
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Single Dad

Your post sounds like something I could have written. I stayed married to a career for far too long and finally woke up that at age 58, to see that if I did not do something soon the father role would never appear on my resume. So at age 59 I adopted four boys and it is without a doubt the best thing I have ever done. I love being Pop and my kids are great. While I clearly am too old to do some of the things my kids would like, we still do a lot together and the happiness that I see in the eyes of my boys when they know that they have someone who loves them no matter what, and who can help them get prepared for life is priceless. I would be happy to share my experiences with you if you would like. Good luck.

Pete, Pop to four great kids.
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  #11  
Old 09-22-2007, 07:12 PM
Indy Indy is offline
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Single dad here

Not sure if AJV is still around, but I wanted to chime in on single parenting by dads. It is possible and there is a need for them, as there are so many children in the system who need a home.

I wish you the best in you journey and it is possible!
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  #12  
Old 01-18-2008, 02:25 PM
davidt263 davidt263 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by scandi
I would just add that each state feels different towards single parents. I was not able to adopt from foster care thru my state - MN as a single parent but TX was great to work with- twice hopeful for a third time soon. In fact, TX for a long time had a family created by adoption on the front of their site that showed a single dad and his kids. I say check out how your state feels about it and then others so you don't spend alot of time spinning your wheels. I spent 2 years before switching to an agency that would allow me to go out of state.
just my experiences
I live in texas, can you recommend any agencies? also interested in international adoption.
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  #13  
Old 01-18-2008, 04:47 PM
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scandi scandi is offline
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I don't know much about agencies in Texas but I would recommend checking the TARE site because it may have some information on it. I know of one agency that does foster care down there but not sure if they do adoption or not. I will pm you with that name. Good Luck
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  #14  
Old 08-10-2010, 08:40 PM
BIGKGentlemen BIGKGentlemen is offline
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Im a 22 Male Looking To Private Adopt, Just Like Others I Have Not Been Blessed With Finding A Significant Other And Not At All Worried About It, Im Looking Towards Adoption Because I Know I Will Become A Great Father, I Already Pretty Much Raised My 3 Nephews At The Age Of 15 Until Now,Ive Also Watched/Taken Care Of Family Friends Kids At The Age Of 12, I Am Great With Kids, I Am A Really Nice Person, I Know Everything That Goes Into Raising A Child And I Am Definently Ready For Everything, This Has Been My Biggest Dream, And I Know One Day I Will/Hope I Will Be Able To Adopt A Child
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Old 08-11-2010, 07:31 AM
millie58 millie58 is offline
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Cuervas:: As a single fost/adoptive mom, I can say with alot of certainty: the social life you now have will CEASE TO EXIST!! Your social life will evolve your kids and their lives. Good luck!!
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L, came home 5/05; adopted 6/06
P, came home 2/06; adopted Adoption Day, 06
J, came home 5/07; adopted 1/09
B, came home 5/07; adopted 1/09

Respite to D and J
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