[Synesthesia]

I'm looking into other countries right now, I got to work on getting a perm job, saving money and a lot of other stuff so it could take years.
Also I must become more mature. I'm not mature enough yet, that's why I'm doing a ton of research on other countries and their programs and sometime in the late future I might try fostering, but that will be a very long time from now.

[DRCSGRANT]

Makarios79,

Reading your post is like reading a page in my own life. I have started the foster care/adoption process in the agency that I am working with and I am at just about the same point as you. I have already been fingerprinted, started my MAPP training classes (but I have to attend one a week over 10 weeks to be finished.) and I have just had my first homestudy visit on 12/27/06. My homefinder/placement specialist told me that she thought I would have placement of my beautiful infant by March or April. I am so excited and I have already been getting prepared for the baby yet to come. I have started contacting daycares so I can have a place set up for him/her when he is 8 weeks old and able to attend (although with much regret). I have found all of the necessitites that I will need for the baby once they come home- my homefinder advised me to have everything in place because when a call comes and I accept the placement may be the same night or next day. I am trying to readjust my schedule to be as efficient as possible with all my other activities so I can devote as much time as possible to the baby. My family is somewhat supportive but feels like I may be biting off more than I can chew - but I feel the same way you do -- I know I am extremely capable and there are soooo many out there birthing babies and making due so you cannot tell me that I cannot care for a young one. Anyway, I just wanted to echo what you said and wish you good luck in your process...

One question though? Do you work? Are you worried about childcare and the amount of time you will be able to spend with the child. I don't know what age you are planning to adopt but I plan to adopt an infant and I will not be able to take off the 8 weeks until the baby is old enough for daycare so I will be paying someone somehow to come into my home and provide childcare to my baby until they are ready for daycare... and even then I am no thrilled about the concept of the baby being in daycare that young, but I have already accepted that this is an unfortunate consequence of a wonderfully rewarding career - I am a doctor and able to help people everyday so I cannot complain. I was just wondering about this because this is my greatest concern and I read that you are planning to adopt two right behind the other and I was wondering how you planned to handle this.

Thanks for any advice!

Cristal

[makarios79]

Thanks so much for the encouragement DRCSGRANT. It's nice to know someone else with a story similar to mine..

My MAPP class was an accelerated one that was done all in one week.. I haven't had my homestudy yet, but I am moving on January 10th so I couldn't have it until after then anyway....

I put in my family profile that I would take in GIRLS 6 wks to 6 yrs but I think when have my homestudy I may change it to birth to 2 yrs....I really want a little baby for my first placement..

I have been given so much stuff that it is ridiculous...A crib, toddler bed and a bunkbed set with matching dresser...I also have just about everything I need including formula and diapers...I also have a whole wardrobe of clothes, a toddler and an infant car seat, and so much more...and I have to say that 97% of the stuff I have was given to me....I live in a one bedroom now (moving to a 2 bedroom on Jan 10th) and my 1 bedroom apt is soooo over crowded..I can't even sleep in my bedroom because there is so much stuff in there...I will be so happy when next week gets here and I will have more space

My family is pretty supportive (except my dad). Some of my church members have expressed concern because they just don't want me to overwhelm myself, but they are generally supportive

As far as my schedule and job, yes I do work...but I am VERY fortunate to have a job with a flexible schedule , as long as the work gets done, they don't really care what time I come in or leave (granted I still have to work 40 hrs a week) but I can work those 40 hrs like I want and I usually take my lunch at the end of the day..I work 8 hrs straight, but I do take my 15 min breaks to eat whatever I brought to eat that day and I generally eat that at my desk...I like to come in, do my job and then leave and I generally only take a lunch during the middle of the day if I have errands to run..I LOVE MY JOB, but I REFUSE to make it my life....

I am kind of concerned about the time I will not be spending with my child, I want to spend as much time with my child as possible, but unfortunately only having one income, I have to go work and I CANNOT take off more than a week after placement because I have only been on my job a little over a month and have not accrued enough time and because I am a contractor, I can't get FMLA until I have worked like 6 months....but hey I have to work or we all be without a home. I only plan to take off a few days to get WIC and get my daycare voucher (WE GET FREE DAYCARE!!!) and everything set up because by me being single it is just going to be impossible to take off every time I get a foster care placement and still be able to keep my job...Here there is no "foster to adopt program"..It is only foster (with the hopes of adopting but the possibility that the child may go back home) or straight adoption (in which it is virtually impossible to get an infant), SO I CHOSE FOSTER. because the chances were greater of me getting a younger child... so every child that is placed with me will not stay permanently..unfortunately it's the "luck of the draw" I do however plan to take off once the adoption is finalized....by then I will be able to utilize my FMLA. Yeah it sucks that it has to be that way..but 'tis the life of a single parent...To be honest most working parents don't get to spend the majority of the day with their child during the week either and I know a lot of people who didn't take their full maternity leave allowed (due to financial reasons)..so 'tis the life of a working parent....

Here kids can go to daycare at 6 wks.....but I am fortunate to have a lady at my church who is a licensed foster parent who also owns a home daycare, so she can watch my child prior to her being 6wks old because she is a licensed foster parent. She will be my full time day care provider while I am working.. She is GREAT!!!!! She loves kids!!!! She's like a mom to me and will be more like a grandmother to my child...I even spend the night over her house with her and her daughter and we hang out and watch movies..they are more like family than a regular daycare provider...so that gives me more comfort than if I had to leave my baby with some stranger I barely know. Plus her daughter has been background screened, so she can provide care for my child if her mom is unavailable...

I thank God for my job and my soon to be daycare provider.... I can go to work really early in the morning as early as 4:30am or as late as 10:00am and still be able to drop my baby off at the daycare whenever I want..It is a 24 hr daycare...and with my job....if I had a rough night... I just go in later (without penalty-providing we don't have a meeting, but I usually know about these a few days in advanced) It was like God orchestrated it all so perfectly.....

Originally Posted by DRCSGRANT

Makarios79,

Reading your post is like reading a page in my own life. I have started the foster care/adoption process in the agency that I am working with and I am at just about the same point as you. I have already been fingerprinted, started my MAPP training classes (but I have to attend one a week over 10 weeks to be finished.) and I have just had my first homestudy visit on 12/27/06. My homefinder/placement specialist told me that she thought I would have placement of my beautiful infant by March or April. I am so excited and I have already been getting prepared for the baby yet to come. I have started contacting daycares so I can have a place set up for him/her when he is 8 weeks old and able to attend (although with much regret). I have found all of the necessitites that I will need for the baby once they come home- my homefinder advised me to have everything in place because when a call comes and I accept the placement may be the same night or next day. I am trying to readjust my schedule to be as efficient as possible with all my other activities so I can devote as much time as possible to the baby. My family is somewhat supportive but feels like I may be biting off more than I can chew - but I feel the same way you do -- I know I am extremely capable and there are soooo many out there birthing babies and making due so you cannot tell me that I cannot care for a young one. Anyway, I just wanted to echo what you said and wish you good luck in your process...

One question though? Do you work? Are you worried about childcare and the amount of time you will be able to spend with the child. I don't know what age you are planning to adopt but I plan to adopt an infant and I will not be able to take off the 8 weeks until the baby is old enough for daycare so I will be paying someone somehow to come into my home and provide childcare to my baby until they are ready for daycare... and even then I am no thrilled about the concept of the baby being in daycare that young, but I have already accepted that this is an unfortunate consequence of a wonderfully rewarding career - I am a doctor and able to help people everyday so I cannot complain. I was just wondering about this because this is my greatest concern and I read that you are planning to adopt two right behind the other and I was wondering how you planned to handle this.

Thanks for any advice!

Cristal

[makarios79]

I was just wondering about this because this is my greatest concern and I read that you are planning to adopt two right behind the other and I was wondering how you planned to handle this.

Oh yeah..about the second adoption..it will take at least 9-18 months to complete that adoption and I don't plan to start that one until around September/October of 2007... it will be well into 2008 and possibly 2009 before child # 2 comes along..and I expect to have child #1 by March or April 2007.. so I will have over a year.... quite possibly 2 yrs to bond with baby #1...

My sister has kids that are 18 months apart and although life can be a little hectic sometimes..she managed just fine with 2 small babies....They are now 5 and 6 now and ARE REALLY CLOSE..they are best friends....one good thing about having kids close in age is that they keep eachother entertained...(lol)

[Missandmike]

If it is in your heart ot adopt, then do it. If you find a man that is ready to become a father to your child, then you know he is a TRUE man.


GOOD LUCK and GOD BLESS.

I will hold you in my prayers.

Mike

[makarios79]

Thanks Mike!

Originally Posted by Missandmike

If it is in your heart ot adopt, then do it. If you find a man that is ready to become a father to your child, then you know he is a TRUE man.


GOOD LUCK and GOD BLESS.

I will hold you in my prayers.

Mike

[DRCSGRANT]

I understand completely what you are going thru.. and i mean completely. I have the blessing of having 2 weeks left of vacation but it would be impossible for me to take more than that as I am just not permitted any more time- I have patient care responsibilities as well as responsibilities to my coworkers and it would be unfair. Unfortunately in new york you are only able to put a newborn in daycare once they reach 8 weeks old but I am arranging my schedule anyway so that all the months that I would have long hours (7am to 5pm) are finished prior to my new arrival. Most of the time I am sooooo very fortunate to only have to work from about 7 am to about 1:00 or 2:00 at the latest and I don't have much of a commute. But I am so sad that I will not be able to spend more time with the baby as a newborn but like you said it is the unfortunate breaks of being a working single parent. My schedule is very comfortable from that standpoint however, and it is truly a priority for me to be a parent now and I am SOOOOOOO

[DRCSGRANT]

OOOPS... EXCITED to be on the path. I wish I had as many things prepared as you do but I have a little time to get things ready as my homefinder expects that I will finished being licensed in late february/march and that I will probably have a baby by march/april. The fortunate thing about the agency that i am working with is that they have a program called Babies Can't Wait which is for babies from newborn to 1 years old only and it is strictly for parents looking to foster to adopt. This program was developed a few years ago and it has been a great success especially due to the fact that over 80% of the babies in the program are abandoned and have already had termination of parental rights signed so most parents are able to complete adoption within a year and a half. It is an amazing program for people looking to adopt infants that do not have the financial ability to go for a straight adoption. I also have been told that there are many times where they don't even have homes for the babies they have available. I mean if anything could break your heart more than the idea of a baby laying in the hospital with nowhere to go.

Anyway, my family is somewhat supportive but they are also worried about me overextending myself and putting too much on my plate. I think that they worry that it is just too much to handle alone and my mother also fears that I will decrease my chances of meeting a "good" man to which I reply that a good man would love me and my child and would have to be open to adoption and a house full of children in order to be with me anyway since that is my hearts desire. So I so understand all that you are going thru - I just moved myself and I am so happy to have just purchased my first home but it is a financial challenge and I am doing all I need to now to ensure that I am financially stable before the baby comes- now that I finally have a stable home environment and all the space I could ever need.

I am also interested in adopting again probably in 2009 or maybe having another child naturally at that point depending on my personal situation which was my reason for asking how you plan to manage. I want to have children close in age and as well and like you said most times this allows the children to be very close in age. Several of my sisters had children who were only 2 years apart and for the most part it has fostered the relationship between the children.

Anyway, Keep in touch - it is so nice to not feel ALONE in my endeavors and to have someone to share my excitement with as each stage approaches.

Take care and good luck.

Cristal

[DRCSGRANT]

Oh, I hope you didn't take this the wrong way. I meant that I am concerned about this because I am also interested in adopting another child hopefully in about 2 years and I was wondering if you had a plan so I could try to make one for myself. I noticed that you were planning to look into international adoption in Haiti. It this expensive? Do they have strict requirements? etc.. I was wondering because I was looking into adoption in Ethiopia and I wanted to see if the process was much different in Haiti or less expensive, etc...Anyway, any info you can offer --- much appreciated.

[kimmom]

Have either of you considered Ethiopia, it allows singles at 25, and is considered one of the less expensive countries to adopt from?
I don't think that I am alone in the way that I was raised, even with married parents my mom was responsible for us. My dad cared for us when she was at work, but mom had a full time job, did all of the shopping and finances, single handedly cooked almost all of our meal, did all of the house work, and cared for us a huge majority of the time, not to mention had a complete interest in everything that we did while we weren't home. Between families like mine was and the plethora of single moms out there it is no wonder that we have the attitude about parenting that we have. Our moms did it all, and not becoming pregnant is no reason that we can't too. Why should we wait? I think that it is great, to choose being a mother the way that you are! There is no reason that you need to wait for a man that may or may not hold up his half of the responsibilities. Anyone who is worthy of being your spouse will recognize how lucky he is to have found a wonderful woman AND child. You eventually want husbands that are interested in adoption, right? So why wait to actually adopt, while your baby sits in wait for you? Anyone who deserves you will celebrate you and your choice to change the future through voluntarily parenting. Kudos, ladies (and gentlemen, if you are reading this)!

[makarios79]

I wish I had as many things prepared as you do but I have a little time to get things ready as my homefinder expects that I will finished being licensed in late february/march and that I will probably have a baby by march/april.

The only reason I am so prepared is because I have literally been planning for this for years and I have bought stuff SLOWLY over time and A LOT was given to me from FREEcyclers.. You should see if they have a Freecycle group in your area...If you PM me I will give you the link....

I also talked to my cw last week, she seems to think they can get all my info submitted to the state by the end of this month and the state has 30 days max to respond...and they have been taking less time from what she told me So it will most likely be Feb or very early March for me as well.


The fortunate thing about the agency that i am working with is that they have a program called Babies Can't Wait which is for babies from newborn to 1 years old only and it is strictly for parents looking to foster to adopt. This program was developed a few years ago and it has been a great success especially due to the fact that over 80% of the babies in the program are abandoned and have already had termination of parental rights signed so most parents are able to complete adoption within a year and a half. It is an amazing program for people looking to adopt infants that do not have the financial ability to go for a straight adoption. I also have been told that there are many times where they don't even have homes for the babies they have available. I mean if anything could break your heart more than the idea of a baby laying in the hospital with nowhere to go.


WOW ..that is great.. I wish they had something like that here....There are however many infants placed here in my county, due to the VERY unfortunate drug problem we have here, but the majority are not TPR'd at time of placement....


Anyway, my family is somewhat supportive but they are also worried about me overextending myself and putting too much on my plate. I think that they worry that it is just too much to handle alone and my mother also fears that I will decrease my chances of meeting a "good" man to which I reply that a good man would love me and my child and would have to be open to adoption and a house full of children in order to be with me anyway since that is my hearts desire. So I so understand all that you are going thru

WE ARE SO MUCH ALIKE!!! I also want a house full of kids..MOSTLY adopted! I WILL NOT marry a man who does not share that vision....If he can't love my kids and be open to the idea that there IS GOING to be a house full of kids, then I don't want to marry him anyway...



I just moved myself and I am so happy to have just purchased my first home but it is a financial challenge and I am doing all I need to now to ensure that I am financially stable before the baby comes- now that I finally have a stable home environment and all the space I could ever need.

I plan to purchase my first home later this year once my lease is up..I am moving to a 2 bedroom in the same complex I live in now on this coming wed... It's not where I want to live, but it will do for now...I understand the financial stability part.. I have an EXTREMELY tight budget....I did get a MUCH higher paying job in Nov , but I also will be increasing my expenses by moving to a larger apt and I am trying to have all my debt (except my student loans, cause that will take a while) paid off by the year end....add that to the fact will be bringing in at least one new child this year....so you can imagine my dollars have to get stretched as far as possible....

I am also cutting out a bunch of stuff for a while, like buying DVDs( although I mostly buy prewatched from Blockbuster) won't be buying anymore for a while, Also eating out, unless it is a Special Occasion or somebody else besides me is paying

I am debating on whether or not to get my internet/cable(I have VERY basic cable already though) cut off for a few months....but I need the internet for my business, although I can go to the library and use their free wi fi with my laptop, it is highly inconvenient....but it would save me $720 year which could pay my rent for a month...

My sister was gracious enough to buy my groceries for this month, just cause she was being nice....so I saved a little there..

Also I have 2 cell phones with the family plan (one for my business and one for personal use...I just recently gave my sister one of my phones and she will be paying half of the bill..so saving even more...

Don't get me wrong, I'm not broke, but I REALLY want to be better off financially for my kids, and I want my own home and I REALLY want to reduce my debt, so I am cutting as many expenses as possible.

I am also interested in adopting again probably in 2009 or maybe having another child naturally at that point depending on my personal situation which was my reason for asking how you plan to manage. I want to have children close in age and as well and like you said most times this allows the children to be very close in age. Several of my sisters had children who were only 2 years apart and for the most part it has fostered the relationship between the children.

My original plan was to adopt from Haiti first, but the Haitian gov't is very unstable and change policies all the time... now I have to wait to see if they are going to ease up on the policies for me to adopt. But I am ready to be a mom now, so I decided to go ahead with Foster/Adoption. I planned to adopt from FC also, but I always thought it would be later on....But since things are going like they are going...I am doing FC first...

But I expect Haiti to ease up soon..Hence the back to back adoptions...If they ease up I want to go ahead and start the process again before they change their minds about the policy...

Right now the policy for single women is you have to be 35,have no more than 3 or 4 (I can't remember) bio kids, Don't think that care about adopted kids and meet the 125% above poverty level requirements depending on your family size. The only thing I don't qualify for is the age requirement...

The expenses range from 13k-20k+ depending on your homestudy and travel costs and whether you decide to do an independent vs and agency adoption. (some states don't allow independent adoptions) I think NY may be one, please someone correct me if I am wrong...

So it is about the same as Ethiopia

For me, I estimate my costs to be between 14-17k including travel, homestudy, ins fees etc... My travel isn't as high since I live in Florida ( not that far from Haiti.)...my homestudy is only $1200..already know who I will be using and they charge not travel fees....the Haiti fees will be around $8000 and is not all due at once...

If its God's will, I plan to also adopt from:
Jamaica (Apprx. 6-8k total expenses)
India (Apprx. 15k-20k+)
Ethiopia (Apprx. 14k-18k+)
Liberia (Apprx 10-13k)
Vietnam(Apprx 17-20k)
(The total expenses including travel and homestudy are what it will probably cost me. However it maybe higher or lower for others )

How do I plan to do it?..Praying and Saving! I also have some fundraising and business ideas and will be applying for grants.. I will solidify my exact plans once the time approaches for me to start each adoption as to how I will get the necessary money, but other than that I have no formal plans, other than saving, as of yet


Anyway, Keep in touch - it is so nice to not feel ALONE in my endeavors and to have someone to share my excitement with as each stage approaches.

I will DEFINTELY stay in touch!!!!! I'll PM you my email address....

Farrah

[makarios79]

Thanks Kimmom for your words of encouragement!! I have considered Ethiopia and hope to adopt from there one day too...Yes I do want get married...and I totally agree with your philosophy about not waiting for kids until after marriage....

Originally Posted by kimmom

Have either of you considered Ethiopia, it allows singles at 25, and is considered one of the less expensive countries to adopt from?
I don't think that I am alone in the way that I was raised, even with married parents my mom was responsible for us. My dad cared for us when she was at work, but mom had a full time job, did all of the shopping and finances, single handedly cooked almost all of our meal, did all of the house work, and cared for us a huge majority of the time, not to mention had a complete interest in everything that we did while we weren't home. Between families like mine was and the plethora of single moms out there it is no wonder that we have the attitude about parenting that we have. Our moms did it all, and not becoming pregnant is no reason that we can't too. Why should we wait? I think that it is great, to choose being a mother the way that you are! There is no reason that you need to wait for a man that may or may not hold up his half of the responsibilities. Anyone who is worthy of being your spouse will recognize how lucky he is to have found a wonderful woman AND child. You eventually want husbands that are interested in adoption, right? So why wait to actually adopt, while your baby sits in wait for you? Anyone who deserves you will celebrate you and your choice to change the future through voluntarily parenting. Kudos, ladies (and gentlemen, if you are reading this)!

[Synesthesia]

Originally Posted by makarios79

[i][color="Red"]
If its God's will, I plan to also adopt from:
Jamaica (Apprx. 6-8k total expenses)
India (Apprx. 15k-20k+)
Ethiopia (Apprx. 14k-18k+)
Liberia (Apprx 10-13k)
Vietnam(Apprx 17-20k)
(The total expenses including travel and homestudy are what it will probably cost me. However it maybe higher or lower for others )


Farrah

Dude, you are the coolest person ever!
I plan on one day having a very unusual multi-cultural family. Each day I get more strongly drawn to this idea.
Right now, I have a long way to go, student loans to pay off, this novel to try to write, a perm job to get, a new place, possibly a house, but I plan to adopt from several parts of the world including foster to adopt when I am older and more mature.
There are quite a few countries I am considering besides China (who has made their rules a bit strict), but I seem to also be leaning towards Russian and other Eastern European countries, which I think is a bit... unusual, but they have large amounts of orphans that need homes, and where ever I am called to adopt, if I can get the money someday I want to have at least 3-5 adopted children and maybe one biological child.
But it will be a bit of a challenge to find the sort of man who will be on the same page as me and will want to give homes to children that need them...
It will take a lot of thought and research and I find myself asking myself why a lot...

[DRCSGRANT]

Thank you so much for your encouraging words. I have looked into ethiopia for a place to consider international adoption. For me I just purchased a home and so my finances are a little tied up in that right now but I plan to adopt again (if fate doesn't say different) in 2009 and I am seriously looking at Ethiopia as the place where my next adopted child would come from.

I do though want to echo what you said about adopting as a single woman. My mother had a business that she ran full time, had seven children, picked us up, dropped us off, cooked, cleaned, and travelled and always looked good while doing all this. My father was working and added stability but by no means had the "hands on" roll that my mother did. I feel 100% how you said...like my baby is waiting for me and any man who wasn't interested in adopting a child either now or in the future is simply not the right man for me. So my child will not have to wait much longer as it seems that by March/April I will be recieving my little bundle of joy...

Thanks again for your kind words,

Cristal

[makarios79]

Well, I just completed the last step that I had to actively participate in with the Foster Care process.....My last homestudy visit!!! She just had me go over my homestudy......she took a few pics of my apartment. I asked a few questions and she left. It took all of about 20-25 min.

I am so excited! She just has to make one small change on my homestudy-my date of birth- and then it is off to her supervisors for approval and then to DCF..... My licensing worker said they should be able to submit tomorrow, but no later than Thursday...

I did however, find out that one of the people at DCF who approves FC Applications had a death in the family this week...so everyone else is having to take on his caseload...so that may be slowing down the process...but I am ok with that....Whenever I am approved is ok with me....

I am having a hard time finding a before and after school care provider that I like that will also take the daycare vouchers without having to pay extra money.....So until I do I won't be taking in any school ages girls (5 & 6 y/o), which kinda bumbs me out, but I'll get over it...cause hey I have to go to work.....and I can't go pick them up..probably could drop them off, but definitely couldn't pick them up.....

My small kids day care provider isn't doing before and after care right now cause she has too many little babies and doesn't have space in her van for all the car seats and the school kids....and I already promised her that she could keep the kids and she is kind of depending on the money, so I don't want to renig on my promise..and besides she is AN EXCELLENT PROVIDER...one of the best in my opinion,. She has a licensed daycare provider and she is a licensed foster parent......

Boy I am so tired, I have been up since 4 something this morning....but so excited too!