[PKTrekGirl]

Hello Everyone,

I just joined this board and wanted to introduce myself.

I am a single female (age 46) who is interested in adopting a child, and this looks like the right place to be!

I've only begun my journey - read some articles on the web, ordered a few books on adoption, chatted with a facilitator of a local adoption support group, and joined this board. But I have been thinking about taking this step for a long time, and I think that now is finally the time.

I've always wanted children...but for many years I held out in hopes of becoming a two-parent family. But as you know, there are never any sure things...and after waiting around for several years hoping for a "Mr Right" who never showed (*lol*), have decided to do this on my own.

I guess I started accumulating the courage earlier this year, when one of my single girlfriends adopted a child. I was always afraid that I 'couldn't do it on my own'...but when I saw my friend doing it, I began to get more courage.

Anyway, right now, I am primarily considering adopting a child from China or Russia. As a single person who has done alot of traveling, I have spent a fair amount of time in both of those countries and have a great love of both countries and their cultures. And because I've been both places (I actually lived in Russia for a year), I'm not as intimidated by the administrative stuff and the travel requirements as perhaps I should be. *lol*

Anyway...I have put in a call to Lutheran Services of Georgia (I was directed to them by the phone contact at the support group) and I guess will be going to their orientation at the beginning of next month. I don't really know how to pick an agency though...and so hopefully, I'm doing the right thing. Any advice in this regard would be appreciated!

My other concern right now is my age. I wonder if, at age 46 and single, I have a chance in the world of getting a child. To tell you the truth, I'm not the least bit set on getting an infant. In fact, I think a toddler is kinda more my "comfort level", to be honest. Hopefully, my lack of insistence on an infant will work in my favor. What do you think?

So anyhow, I just wanted to introduce myself to you all and ask for any advice you guys might have to offer an almost complete newbie to adoptive parenting.

I'm familiar with adoption, since I am an adoptee myself...but this side of the adoption equation is a whole new adventure!

Thanks for any advice!

[waitinginnj]

Welcome to the ride. I am a single mom, with a child from Russia. I brought my daughter home in Oct. 2003 at 2 years old. I jumped right into the toddler thing and the terrible twos. My daughter has adjusted wonderfully.

Check out agencies carefully. Make sure the you speak with other single parents that worked with the agency. Some agencies treat singles the same as couples other don't.

There are pros and cons to both countries. The Russian program is a bit unstable right now. If you decide upon Russia I would make sure that your agency is accredited. The wait for girls is longer than boys in Russia and there were beautiful toddler boys in my daughter's play group.

The China program is stable and less expensive generally. The downside is that there is a quota for single parents, so it isn't always easy to find a program with an opening for a single parent.

In the past Russia was faster than China. I don't think you can necessarily say that now. The timing in Russia seems to be running all over the place lately.

Check out the Russian and Chinese boards. Each will offer you a lot of inight and help.

Good luck in your adoption journey. Let me know if you have any specific questions.

[PKTrekGirl]

Thank you for responding!

I guess I do have one question related to what you said about China. What do you mean by "finding a program with an opening for a single parent"? By "program", do you mean an adoption agency here in the States that is willing to take me as a client? Or does China require potential single adoptive parents to 'shop around' in-country for an orphanage that will allow us to adopt?

I don't really understand what sort of progam you are referring to...

Thanks again for your assistance!

[qs mom]

Welcome!

I'm a single mom to a son adopted from Bulgaria. I'm 41 and my son just turned 5. He's been home just over 2 years. He was nearly 3 when he came to his family.

Toddlers are great, but they can be tough. The longer a child is an orphanage, the more delays they may have.

I recommend alot of research - research the child care in the country you are considering, research agencies, accreditation, etc. Read The Weavers Craft, Toddler Adoption. Research sensory integration. Attend any and all classes your agency holds.

And after you do all your research and you think that you're prepared - YOU'RE NOT! But that's the way adoption is.

I love my son with all my heart. I don't remember what life was like before I was a mama. In fact, it wasn't really much of a life, compared to what I have now. All the work is worth it! He's brought so much my life - love, joy, laughs, so much more!

As I often say, the army isn't the toughest job you'll ever love - parenting is!

[waitinginnj]

By program, I was referring to an agency with an opening for a single parent. I believe some people register with several and then see who has a spot open first. I believe the quota is 10% of the adoptions completed by the agency in China. I don't know if it has changed.

I believe the process is China is running about 12 - 16 months now.

Check with the China board for more up to date facts.

[cynthia900]

Hi,

welcome to a very exciting journey. I can't help you with the international questions as my two adoptions have been domestic but I can enthusiastically encourage you. Parenting has been the best experience of my life and it is certainly possible to adopt at 46. And to be a mom at 46 and to have a great life.

You may also want to choose the waiting child program from China since they don't have singles quotas on that and many of the reasons for waiting are manageable needs

Good luck and keep us posted.

[nawlinsmom]

Just wanted to say welcome, I also adopted my son at birth thru domestic adoption, when I was 40, he just turned 3 last week, so can't help on international front, but again good luck with your journey and may you have your child home with you soon.

[maevyn]

Hello. I'm a 35 year old woman, also adopting as a single. Our stories sound very similar.

Not to scare you, but when I recently explored adoption from China, I was told that single quotas were booked for as much as 5 years. And with the unrest in Russia, I decided on the Ukraine instead. There are some questions there right now as well as the National Adoption Center is moving under a new ministry at some point this fall, but the premise is to improve the system, which has been fairly painless so far.

Good luck in your journey!

[sienna5]

Hello.

I certainly hope 46 is not to old because I am 47 and in the middle of an international adoption. Actually, almost no one in the process has commented on my "advanced" age as a problem. I have completed all my home study paperwork and (drum roll) the home visits! My home study should be done in about a week. I am about 2/3 the way through my dossier work.

Although I had been thinking and reading about adoption for quite a awhile (and share the view to read, read, read) I started my paper work in earnest in May. I would recommend trying to determine a country and agency before you are too far down the road on your home study because it can save you some time - especially if you end up having two agencies (one for home study and a placement agency) and I found that I needed some specific requirements in my medical documents for my specific country.

I choose Kazakhstan to seek my child. I originally looked at China, but the new quotas are pretty problematic. I've heard percentages between 5 and 10 percent. Agencies I checked with had a waiting list of at least 2 years for singles (and I'm not getting any younger while I wait ). Kaz is a bit more expensive, mostly on travel because of the required bonding period, but it seems to have a good program, less risk of some issues, etc. Feel free to PM me for more info.

I also started by thinking about toddlers. But as I've thought and read more, I think I will pursue a younger child (Kaz starts at about 7 or 8 months since there is a six month time that they seek in-country parents). It all comes down to the relative challenges of young age verses the risk of more significant transitional issues. But of course, once you choose parenthood, there are never any guarantees about what you might experience.

Whatever you decide, good luck and welcome to the group!

I wish all of you good luck...
for I am older than all of you but in the same boat.
I hope my dream will come true too.

[mckenna]

can't help you on the international front, but i am a single mom to two. i adopted my now 4 y/o son and am in the process of adopting my 8 m/o daughter. i love being a mom. while at times it can be stressful not to have another adult to leave the kids with when i want a break! i would not change how our family was formed. we were meant to be together. good day care, a great pediatriacian and babysitting are very important and make my life much easier. good luck!

[MargieMe]

I am a 37 year old single AA female who is anxiously awaiting a match. I mirror your comment, "I've always wanted children...but for many years I held out in hopes of becoming a two-parent family. But as you know, there are never any sure things...and after waiting around for several years hoping for a "Mr Right" who never showed (*lol*), have decided to do this on my own." I have been slowly telling folks around me (work, church, etc) and have been happily surprised by the positive response I have gotten.

I can't help with the international side, but I can offer my prayers and support to all of us out their creating the families we were meant to have through adoption.

[Mary Ann Bednar]

Just want to say that you're not to old. I too am a single mom to 4 and I began my adoption journey at the age of 40. My twins arrived when I was 52. They were 4 and have been a challenge, although I think the worst is over with them. My 13 y/o is now the big challenge. I'd add more to the family, but with my job, I can just meet my childcare costs as is. My twins were fost/adopt through a private agency,so I get no help with anything, altho my agency tried very hard to get assistance for me. The boys were premie twins and neglected by their birthmom. Came to me with lots of anger and very little speech. At least after 2yr of speech therapy we don't get our wires crossed to much. Good luck to you and hang in there. Your child is out there waiting.

[SnglFmom]

I just wanted to share quickly that I am too a single female (33) and started considering adoption last year. But instead of looking at international adoptions, I looked at the foster care system and I would encourage you to do the same (I also live in Georgia). Benefits of DFCS are not as long a wait on a child and many, many children needing homes! I started my training in January have since become a single foster parent (which fostering was NOT my initial intent). My first child placement was in March! And now have recently been placed with two adorable children (5 yo and 2 yo) which whom I will be able to adopt in six months or so.

Just wanted to throw out another option. Best of Luck!

[whiterhino42]

I'm 33 also and approved and waiting through my state's DSS program. I don't know too much about the international, I looked into it but it seemed much too complicated and expensive. DSS has been a breeze so far....they treated me just like they treat the couples and I know age isn't an issue with them (A couple in my class were 58 & 60). You have to be able to take legal risk in a lot of cases which I know some people can't bare but there are soooooo many children waiting in this country for good homes that it's the way I decided to go. I also didn't have a lot of money for this pursuit and going through DSS I havn't had any costs. Any way you decide to go though, 46 is definately NOT too old, don't worry, you will do fine.