[Dhewco]

You single moms are great. But, to be honest, I wish there were more single dads on the boards. Indy's a great man and so is Mike, but two regular posters can't really show what I'm facing. I just got another 'dang near impossible' response from a query I sent to a private agency. I asked them their opinion on single dads adopting through them.

More and more, it's looking like I'm going to need serious money if I want a kid in the age I want. (physically and mentally healthy 5-9 and caucasian or caucasian-hispanic mix or asian-caucasian). I've yet to ask the state agencies, though.

Every person I ask about the state agencies say they tend to give the children under the age of 10-11 to couples and families and that the kids in the system can be afraid of men (due to some trauma a father or father-figure put them through) and probably wouldn't trust a man who wasn't married. Of course, it could be the person I'm talking to. I want to know what you other single dads are going through.

I live in Georgia, btw.

David

[Trophy Husband]

The county of San Diego was great for us. I've been as good as single in terms of childrearing since my wife is a physician.

My guess is that they wouldn't discriminate. Maybe don't rule out taking a kid with a few problems. Our son has Down syndrome and while we want other kids in our family to contribute different things, he adds to our family in many special ways.

www.adoptingemma.blogspot.com
www.downwithgabe.blogspot.com

Take an AA boy maybe. There is lots of them and a dad with a single focus on a boy in that age range could do a wealth of good.

There's that bible verse about "in as much as you've done it to the very least of my breatheran, you've done it unto me." something to think about.

good luck

[Indy]

Thank you for the kind words.

Two of my sons were 8 and 9 when I started visiting them. I was selected over two married couples and another single dad. The state liked my background and level of experience. Those two are now 13 and 14.

I was called by my home state to take a 7 year old. Now mind you, I have always said I wanted older. I took RA, as the state was desperate. I don't think they really tried real hard.

RA is fun. However, there are things that I have to consider now that I didn't before. Things like PG-13 movies. All of my sons are 13 or older. I didn't have to be real careful with going to movies. Star Wars, Fantastic 4, and Batman were all PG-13. RA felt bad going to the other movies when the older boys went to see the "cool" movies. I have to have a "real" babysitter for RA if I am going out for an evening. Before, I could just go. RA has to have an earlier bedtime, whereas the others get to stay up later. He hates that! RA cannot wash his own clothes...and I HATE THAT! All of the other boys do their own laundry.

If I were you, look outside your state. It has been some time since I have run into an agency that would not work with single parents.

Best of luck to you in your endeavors.

[Jackobanzi]

On the laundry issue, something to think about:

I remember being about 6 and my mom calling me out into the kitchen, where the washer and dryer were. She pointed at the knobs on the washer and she said, "Can you reach up here?" I said yes and showed her. Her response was, "Good. You do your own laundry from now on."

Good luck. I think single guys who want to adopt are wonderful. You are amazing for trying so hard, and once you get your child s/he will appreciate you for it.

[2Bulgarianbeauties]

Have you thought about adopting internationally? I am not sure which countries allow single men adoptions, but I am sure there are some. If you go to http://travel.state.gov/family/adopt...ption_485.html you could brose the country requirements. Also, a lot of areas run kid save programs where they bring the older kids (6 - 12) over for the summer. So, you could spend the summer with a child and see if it is a good fit before you commit.

Kay

[Dhewco]

Thanks for the responses. Indy, you're right, I might have to adopt out of state. I'll definitely look at them. Did you use a private agency? If you did, could you send me an PM about which ones you've found work with single guys? I'd like to have all my ducks in a row when I start the process at the first of the year.

If any of the rest of you know of agencies that aren't prejudiced against single guys, you may PM me if you want. The agencies I contacted were mostly for international. Even if the above site said the country did single men adoption, the agencies told me no. I am considering trying locally first.

The few Georgia agencies I contacted said I could adopt a severely special needs, or a much older kid...but I was unlikely to get a 5-8 yo who was a physically healthy caucasian. I know my limits, emotional/pysch problems I can see myself helping them through, but I don't see myself taking a kid who'd need adult supervision past the age of eighteen. I hope that doesn't sound too harsh, but I know my limits.

David

[Original Mike]

In the almost five years since I started this process, I've made inquiries to a number of states. Both of my boys came from Ohio, which has been great to work with.

As a single guy, I ind that I'm usually steered towards older boys, which is fine by me. I'm not as brave as Indy!!

I've also made inquiries to Washington, kentucky, and Maine. All three states treated me very well and were very open to single dads.

Fortunately, the climate for single guys is changing for the better.

[Dhewco]

My thinking is this...I want to be a father, not a temporary custodian. Mike, I'm sure your son C considers you a father. He came home at twelve, right?

But if I get a child and don't have him at home for at least a decade, I worry that I won't get a true 'fatherhood' experience. Look at all I'd miss...onset of puberty, first day of kindergarten, first day of Junior High, cub scout meetings...stuff like that. That's why the ages I am going to shoot for is 5-9.

I don't mind missing toilet training, four AM feedings, and the like. LOL


David

[Indy]

Each of us chose our own poison...

The youngest I wanted was about 8 years old. JA was 16 when I got him. I know this is way out of what you are looking for. But JA calls me "dad" and "runs" to me most every time he is in over his head, which has been quite a bit lately. He is 22 now. JA is developmentally disabled, but very mildly. Most people that meet him think he is the sweetest kid. Man, if they only knew!

As far as getting the "fatherhood" experience, you are correct about going younger. I chose older, as there were just some things I didn't want to experience. So, I cheated (my brothers tell me that all the time). My sons have given me the "FULL" experience of being a father, jail warden, doctor, tutor, counselor, and shoulder to cry on when the girl friend dumps them.

Dave, something to think about. The children that you adopt from the system are usually behind their emotional age. For example, my 8 and 9 year olds maturity wise were 5 and 6. JO was 16 when he moved in, but acted like he was 12 or 13. The children are sometimes stuck in a time warp as far as developmental development. Does that make sense?

Besides, if you want the "full effect", adopt a sibling group! You will reconsider your "decade" thinking...quick!

I adopted all of my sons from the state foster system, except one. I will PM that agency to you.

Best of luck!

[Dhewco]

Thanks for the quick reply. It makes sense. So does that mean a 5yo will end up acting 3yo...or does it slow down the younger you get?


David

[optimus]

You and me are in the same boat. I am a single man trying to adopt a child between the ages of 5 to 9. This board has been an inspiration in not giving up.

[JAMEST57]

and will be taking my orientation in Nov. I can hardly wait. I am a 48 Christian male and will be a Foster Dad for the 1st time. Never married[ took care of my dad for 3 years, mom for 10 years then a disabled brother for abut 2 years] Now I miss that "purpose" I had taking care of others. I want to experience fatherhood. I want to adopt one day, siblings if possible.

You guys are amazing. I was so inspired as I read this board. Man, some of you have 6 or more kids. I think that is awesome and God bless each of you. Blessings.