[lilacsinmay]

I am a single parent by choice and adopted my 1st daughter from China at age 10 months a little over 2 years ago. I am now going back for a second- Lord willing. I was told about 3 months ago that I would likely be able to start my paperwork in 1-3 months which came as a bit of a shocker. With the current quota system in China I was figuring on a good year or more to wait. It seems that those who have used the agency before to complete an adoption somehow get pushed up the list quicker- though this remains to be seen as I am still waiting. Here I am at 3 months patiently (some days) and not so patiently (other days) waiting for the call to begin. Waiting can really mess with your head. I experienced this the 1st time around and am encountering fears and many "what if's" again. I don't mean to make light of the importance of this decision and weighing things out carefully, but it gets to a point where you just have to surrender all the what ifs and press on. Number one wasand is the hugest blessing in my life. If every child were like her I'd go for a great big nest full. But each child has their own personality and their own little set of special needs so I am just fearing the unknown- as any new parent- single married or whatever the scenario.

All that being said I am just looking for any tidbits of wisdom that those of you who have adopted multiples have to share. How did the younger siblings adjust to the change in attention. If you traveled internationallyy did you take previous children with you on the trip etc...

Thanks, Kay

[Indy]

I have not adopted internationally or a baby, but I just wanted to say congratulations. I have adopted "several" children though. I will tell you that some of them took some time to adjust to not having all of my attention, especially the first two.

Good luck with your journey.

[cynthia900]

Kay,

I adopted two children domestically as newborns. My first was 2 1/2 when I adopted the second (now 3 and 6). I think the things which helped it go smoothly were that my oldest was involved and wanted a sister, I made time alone with her a priority when the second arrived, I involved her in the care of the second, and gave her a "World's Best Big SIster" reward for doing so well. I also started her in preschool and hired a live in nanny so I had more time for both children (my nanny does housework and childcare both). It was the same price as daycare for two. It went wonderfully at first, then as the youngest learned how to get her sister's things, we experienced some strong rivalry and now we are back in the supportive, loving sisterly relationship (which sometimes does not appear to be so loving!!) which I dreamed of when I made my plan. I have strong relationships with both my girls but not as intense as when it was one on one and I think that is healthier for her in the long run. It is more than made up for by the strong bond she has with her sister.

I hope that that helps.

Cynthia (who is going for number 3 and hoping to be as lucky as she was with 1 and 2)

[lilacsinmay]

Thanks Indy and Cynthia for your little pearls of wisdom and words of encouragement. If I had a nickel for every time someone said- "you don't know what your getting yourelf into." I'd have a nice college fund started for my daughter. They're right- I don't and I didn't before I adopted my daughter either, but she is a huge bundle of joy (trials too- it's not all rosey, but worth it!!! so worth it!!!). I've tried to tune out the neysayers and tune in to The Big Guy. God bless you both for the parents you have chosen to be for your family! Kay

[moelladeville]

You may want to join the Yahoo group called single with two. It has been a great source of information for me. I have to admit I've also joined the single with three site. Yikes! Welcome to the club!
Marjorie
Proud mother of two wonderful boys from Guatemala