[EelKat]

I am 36 years old. I am single. I have no husband, well, I did once, but he's gone and I've no plans to replace him. We had planned to have children, but it never happened. Though a family was always my dream, and I helped raise 7 of my relative's children, I have no children of my own. I no longer have a "stix-n-brix" house, after a flood took our house in 2006. Today, I live in a 31' motorhome, and I have no plans to go back to "normal" house dwelling. I am a fulltime RVer. My home is where I park it. My car is a 30 year old junky rusted Volvo. I'm self employed as and artist and author and my income is only minimum wage. I was homeschooled and I plan to homeschool. As you can see, my parent profile is far from "perfect".

I was trying to figure out how to write and what to say in my "adoptive parent profile" today, and I was Googling to see what others had written in their's and the results, made me feel quite intimidated about writing my own. Why? Because I went through several dozen "parent profiles" this morning and this is what I found:

Not one single woman - all "happy, loving couples".

They have lots of wedding pictures and family vacation pictures and heck, they just have a ton of pictures!

Oh yeah, and than there are the photos of cars - brand new $64,000 sports cars, and their race horses, and motorcycles, and his car and her car and the second car and...I thought this was a "adoptive parent profile" not a car museum!

Most already have 1 or 2 or more adopted kids and brag at how much fun your baby will have with all these siblings.

Not one minimum wage parent - all boasted of incomes which seemed to be a huge exaggeration until...

Every profile has a section titled "Our Home", which shows a monstrous sized mansion and brags of "2 and half baths, 5 bedrooms, a game room, ...." (I bet I could drive my motorhome in their master bath and still have plenty of room to do a U-Turn!) Are these houses even real? They look like they are magazine clippings!

In short, it's like I'm reading the private lives of Superman and Wonder Woman! They all seem to read as "too perfect" or "too good to be true", and not "authentic" or "real". I'm new to this, I've never read parent profiles before. But has any one else noticed this? Okay, so maybe they could afford to pay for "special" profiles that get top search results, and I just haven't found the "real people" profiles yet, but I got to ask - WHERE ARE THE REAL PEOPLE? You know the folks with 9 - 5 jobs, the single parents, the real cars, real homes, you know - the average Joe?

I tried signing up with several different "free profile" making sites, but so far all the ones I've found only have options for: "Married w/o children" - "Married w/bio children" - "Married w/adopted children"... NOT ONE of them has an option for "Single"! Are they all like this or am I just looking in the wrong places?

*sigh*

How a single woman, on a minimum wage job, living in a motohome, supposed to compete against "the world's most perfect couple", when it seems like every parent profile out there is featuring "the perfect couple"?

Have any of you felt intimidated by the seemingly endless sea of "perfect couple" profiles? How did you make your own profile? Any advice on how an average low-income single woman without a house make her own profile be "attractive" to a birthmother? Any advice?

Thanks!

[vernellinnj]

Single prospective mom here. I make a good salary and have an average middle class home. I would say to just "be yourself" and if it's meant to be the right expectant mom/parents will choose you. I can see how the profile comparisons can be intimidating. I tell myself only one person has to think I'm right to parent their child and that person is out there.

Good luck. Keep posting about your fears/hopes on here. We understand!

P.S. Are you pursuing private adoption or foster adopt?

[Howdy]

Adoption is so expensive I wouldn't think many minimum wage singles could afford it. I'm single and although not minimum wage, I don't think I could have afforded it. So I adopted through foster care, which not only costs next to nothing, it even pays a small monthly amount (for the child to get to enjoy fun stuff).

But, if you decide to do foster-to-adopt, I'd guess you'd have to park in one county for a few years, until the adoption was final.

[Leeah]

For me, it's definitely intimidating having my profile shown along with couples. Truth is, I think couples DO get chosen quicker and more often- that's life.

However, after looking at many of these profiles that seem "too good to be true" an expectant mom may see your profile as a breath of fresh air.

Authenticity counts for a lot!

[Hoping2adoptsibs]

I'm adopting from foster care. Single mid 30's, never married, never wanted to. Good job, nice house and still pick up the vibe of couples preferred, even though the state doesn't discriminate. But the state is run by workers that come with ideas and preferences already. They might even do it subliminally and not say straight out couples only.

But my agency did take a picture of my house from the outside. Not really sure why. I can compete on all levels except for the couple aspect and not having a SAHM that many feel kids should have. My agency has checked in about once a week asking if I seen sibs on the photolisting site they can help me with, so I see that as a big plus. But it's the state workers that pick. It's like they might think they are placing kids in an already "broken home".

[vernellinnj]

I'm active with a private agency but have also had a profile open for straight adopt with my state since 2006 (which honestly I forget is there as I fostered a child from March 2006 to August 2010 so it hasn't been "top of mind").

Believe it or not, last week I recvd a call from the STATE adoption placement office saying I was one of 6 families being considered to adopt a healthy infant baby boy born the day prior. All 6 families had homestudies from 2006. Later that day I was called and told I was one of 3 families still being considered. Ultimately another family was chosen. A few days later found out the mom decided to place with a relative. My heart was aching for the family who was told their dream had finally come true only to have their hopes shot down!

But, it reignited my faith that it COULD happen - at any moment and not necessarily in the way I thought it would!

[Fe2002]

Eelkat, I just wanted to assure you that there are birthfamilies out there that prefer single parents. I know this because I was actually chosen over married couples. Both birth parents were involved in the decision. I asked DD's birthmom about this after I felt comfortable enough to ask and she said that the couple profiles seemed "fake" to her... and that I seemed "real".

If it's meant to be, it will be... With all the drama of the housing market coupled with the overall decline of the economy, your lifestyle seems almost idyllic! An artist roaming the countryside in an RV? I can only dream!

[ruth74]

I was pretty intimidated by some of the online profiles, too. I have a professional job, but am probably somewhat lower end of middle-class in finances. When I actually did my profile (I went through an agency that did hardcopy profiles only, nothing online) I felt like my life looked rather fairytale-ish compared to what it really is. We all show our best aspects in profiles - no dirty socks on the floor, no stories of arguments, etc. My son's bparents told me that they picked me because of some pretty specific things, and they weren't "perfect" things, but the things that make my life unique that they identified with or wanted for their child. It took longer than it probably would have for a couple, but if it had taken less time I wouldn't have my son, I'd have some other baby, and that is incredibly scary to me.

[tweetybirdus]

The normal everyday people can't afford the profiles that get top billing and don't feel the need to flaunt what they've got. I handmade two scrapbooks to give to my agency for emoms to view; one for the VA office and one for the MD office. We were matched twice within just a few months. The first one failed but the second one took.

[tweetybirdus]

Originally Posted by tweetybirdus

The normal everyday people can't afford the profiles that get top billing and don't feel the need to flaunt what they've got. I handmade two scrapbooks to give to my agency for emoms to view; one for the VA office and one for the MD office. We were matched twice within just a few months. The first one failed but the second one took.

I guess I should have said that I'm not a single.

You don't have to have a lot for someone to think you are the perfect parent for their child. I don't necessarily think couples are more capable of raising children than single people. I think that if you've got love to give, and a roof over your head, and can afford to raise a child without government assistance (except in the case of special needs), I'm sure you'll make a great parent. You just need the right situation to come along.

[Leeah]

Tweetybirdus, I think you worked with the same agency I'm working with!

[TeenyPeanuts]

I understand your frustration, but I think you're looking at this the wrong way. I think the fact that you are so "different" is to your advantage....you will stand out in a sea of couples. It all comes down to how you present yourself. I think you need to embrace your "differences" and really talk about why're they great. For example, you talk about your old car.....be proud of your car and say something like, "I proudly drive my retro 1982 Volvo (I affectionately call Betty) which is reliable, great to drive and is easily found in every parking lot!" That shows you're practical, not ashamed of it and have a sense of humor. As far as living in an RV, talk about why that is good and what are the upsides, for example, "My home enables me to have a life of adventure. As a result, I plan to incorporate continual trips in my child's life around the region and US to show firsthand our country's history, natural beauty, regional differences, what this country has to offer and to demonstrate the freedom that we are blessed to have as Americans." To me, this is a much more wonderful opportunity than annual family vacations to Disney World. As far as homeschooling, that can be a really great educational avenue, so talk about why it was so great for you and what you believe the benefits will be when you do it. For example, "With the flexibility of my career, I am fortunate to have the time to homeschool my child. As I was also homeschooled, I believe the world is our classroom in which we will often incorporate trips to the local museums, walks in nature and all of the discoveries found outside of our walls. I believe that homeschooling will......."

And the fact that you're an artist and author should really make your profile book stand out!!! Incorporate a lot of your artistry in putting it together which would give a lot of insight in to who you are and what you do. Tap into your writing skills, too. As far as the photos you mentioned....yes, I believe they are important to tell your story, so get out your camera or borrow one. Show photos of your everyday, of you doing your artwork, of you interacting with friends, of the nearby park, of you with the kids you helped raise, of the things you'll do with your child, etc. The photos don't have to be staged or of materials goods....they have to show who you are and the story you're trying to tell. You're trying to help the expectant mothers picture their babies growing up with you. I think you've got an amazing story to tell! As far as your income....money can't buy everything. I think you should talk about what you can GIVE your child....not what you can BUY your child. Great parents aren't made from money. I think one mistake you're making is assuming that every expectant mother is looking for a married couple with money....that's just not the case. And did you ever think that maybe you're not seeing the "real" people because their profiles are being selected??

I, too, am a single mom and have gone through the adoption process. It is definitely a test of patience and faith (in whatever you believe in). I had a good friend, Linda, who was in your similar situation as a single mom looking for an expectant mother. She came to me for help to design her adoption profile book (I'm a graphic designer with an MBA in marketing). It took a few rounds of doing it because I didn't understand what we were trying to accomplish, once I got it figured out, we put together a great adoption profile book...and within a few months she was selected as a single mom out of a whole bunch of couples. You can view her before and after profile at Domestic Adoption Profile Book & Website Designs | Teeny Peanut Designs. The expectant mother said she chose her because she liked her independence and adventure.....both things that were highlighted in her book. We honestly believe that it was how we presented my friend's life....we stayed positive and highlighted all of her key features. Doing that for my friend inspired me to continue to help others who are putting together adoption profile materials and started my business Teeny Peanut Designs. I have a blog to give insightful tips on developing effective profile materials and outreach plans which can help you: Domestic adoption profile, outreach and adoption announcement insights | Teeny Peanut Blog | Ideas to create effective adoption profile, adoption outreach and adoption announcement insights. I'm also wrapping up an ebook, Teeny Peanut Insightful Adoption Ideas, which goes into much more detail about putting together a great profile and finding an expectant mother. If I can figure out how to e-mail you, I will send you a complimentary copy once I put the finishing touches on it. I honestly think you just need to take what you think is potentially a lemon and present it as lemonade in a real, honest way. Good luck!

Greta

[vernellinnj]

I am now the proud mom of a newborn son. I received "the call" last week, TPR was signed yesterday.

I was one of seven families presented. 2 singles and 5 married couples - Bmom chose me!

Good luck to all those still waiting!!!!! It will happen!!

[Fe2002]

OMG VERNELLINNJ!

HOW FRIGGIN AWESOME!

CONGRATS CHICA!!!

Originally Posted by vernellinnj

I am now the proud mom of a newborn son. I received "the call" last week, TPR was signed yesterday.

I was one of seven families presented. 2 singles and 5 married couples - Bmom chose me!

Good luck to all those still waiting!!!!! It will happen!!

[SavannahGirl]

Vernellinnj, How exciting. Congratulations! Enjoy every minute with him.