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Originally Posted By Kathy G

We are definitely a big family, we have one bio-son, have adopted a sib group of 3 from foster care and are fostering (and hoping to adopt soon) another group of 3. We never planned to have this many, we thought maybe 3 or 4 kids total, but the bio-moms kept having more and the state kept wanting to put siblings together. So we either took the new ones or were faced with loosing the ones we have had and formed attachments with, so here we are. Now the problem is we keep getting "smart remarks" from idiots who say "Why would anyone ever have so many children?"

I think we are doing fine although we do have our struggles. However, it is most difficult to deal with these people when they make these comments in front of the children. Part of the difficulty lies with the ages of our kids, the oldest is 8 and they all stairstep down from there. So it really does "look" like we need to learn about birth control.

Now the question, how do we keep people from looking down their noses at our family without making the children feel an worse? For instance when we go to the grocery store and use our WIC vouchers which are provided for the children by the state. We get comments about having so many children and we "can't even afford to feed them".

If any one has any great come-back for these people please let me know. Otherwise can you please educate your family and friends that things are not always as they seem. We are merely tring to give these kids a family, be it a big family, that they otherwise would not have had. And yes, we do have more children than my husband and I ever dreamed we'd ever have, but when it comes to "too many children", the sad truth is there are still too many children that will always want for a family (big or small) that they wmay never have. So please educate others that there are families like mine that do not need comments about birth control etc. We truly want and love all 7 of ours, and work to care for and provide for each of their needs, then to get these comments from people who have never stepped out of their perfect glass houses into the real world just gets under my skin.

Thanks for letting me vent...
Kathy

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Originally Posted By Catherine

I think you're doing a wonderful job, i never knew my birth parents but have only recently found out that I have 6 or more brothers and sister that i didn't know existed and Im nearly 42, so forget what these people say to you. Have they ever done anything so caring in their life, i bet they haven't. You're very special people for not only taking in the children but keeping them together. I personally wouldn't listen to comments don't forget you're far better than they'll ever be, don't stoop to their level because you don't have to expalin yourself to them. I wish you both all the luck and happiness in the world.

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Originally Posted By Dearest Kathy and Family

You guys are a primary example of what true love and caring are about. I have a suggestion; however, regarding the horrible comments that your family has to endure: Instead of allowing anyone to interrupt the pride that comes with making the selfless effort that you and your husband have put forth with your wonderful family just feel a little pity for the bestower of ill. What I mean is that not everyone will have the priveledge of loving and being loved by your children, and I feel pretty sure that you guys @ times have felt pretty darn good about rescuing them from a worse fate, separation and eventually failures of society....so to wrap it all up I BELIEVE THAT GOD IS SMILING ON YOU AND YOUR BEAUTIFUL FAMILY and is providing you a little assistance so that you can continue to care for them as any true parent would so lovingly and selflessly do....we are allowed very little pride as mommy and daddy, but the dignity of being the best parents for our children, at all costs, is priceless....Peggy

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Originally Posted By amom

people are stupid, ignore them and enjoy your family. Only we know how precious all of our children are

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Originally Posted By Joyce

I think that those moments are opportunities to teach your children that it is unwise and can be hurtful to make remarks without knowing the details, and then ensure your kiddos that you are indeed lucky and blessed to have them, and thank God for the system which provides a means of feeding your children well.

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Originally Posted By SARAH

KATHY,
I ALSO HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM. WE HAVE 7 CHILDERN JUST LIKE YOU. WE ALSO FOSTER A DID SPECIAL NEEDS ADOPTIONS MY 10 YEAR OLD HAS A LIFE THREATING ILLNESS THAT WE DEAL WITH EVERY DAY. SO I HAVE PEOPLE ASK ALL THE TIME WHY DID I ADOPT HER WELL BECAUSE I LOVE HER AND HAD HER SINCE SHE WAS FOUR MONTHS. WE GET LOOKS ALL THE TIME NOT ONLY DO WE HAVE LOTS OF KIDS BUT WHITE,BLACK AND BIRACIAL.I AGREE THERE ARE TO MANY CHILDERN WAITING TO BE LOVED. LETS OPEN UP OUR HOMES AND HEARTS.

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Originally Posted By kATHY

i'VE HAD A SIMILAR THING HAPPEN TO ME AT A Walmart, all my kids were foster kids, 10,8,7,6,4,9 months.
I was so mad i became speachless, my oldest son 10, told his sister to watch the other kids and came back to me and stood in front of me and said to the nasty lady who said to me , some one needed to teach me how to keep my legs closed! ( Don't you ever talk to my mother that way! were foster kids, your a hateful person. ) She didn't reply and walked off in a huff BUT!
the people that were standing around apoligized and they didn't even know the lady and another lady even hugged me and told my son he was a great little boy.
Boy did i want to give her a mouthful of my fist but i did'nt. I just could'nt believe all the kids had to hear this nasty woman. I really don't know what to tell you but hang in there, we will never change people
like that and they are every where.
I do hope one day things like this will never happen to any of us or our children.
May God keep you and your family strong and give you the wisdom to handle these hurtful things.

Neva

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Originally Posted By Lex

make sure they are always dressed nice that keeps alot of comments away from my family of ten. They see the children are well cared for ( and usualy well behaved) so they will not make as many comments, Ive found

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Originally Posted By Deb

We also have 7 children, one bio-son and my husband adopted my daughter from another relationship. Our younger children range from 10 months to 6...and there are 5 of them. Then we have 2-18 year old daughters. When I go to the store I also use Wic for the foster baby. I use that time at the register to inform people about foster care and adoption and try to recruit people to do the same. I do feel uncomfortable about using the coupons, but for 3 years we were unaware our foster children were eligible. Believe me, since we found out we take advantage of it. We are in our 7th year of fostering and only planned to adopt one, but found out I was pregnant the week she moved in. Our family just gets bigger and bigger!

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Originally Posted By Carol

I am an RN, and over the past 40 years I have both helped deliver many babies and taken care of people at many stages of their lives..There being nothing to change the mind of "fools" there is no comeback..However there are some who have a larger capacity for love than others...some only children are unfortunate in having parents who should have remained childless...Other children are fortunate no matter how many other children live there...Yours I believe are fortunate...You may explain in a child whisper that it is ignorance that allows people to develop opinions without any facts ...the children may learn a valuable lesson in what not to do...

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The reply should be simple..."Tonight, thank the Lord that you are so much better than me, that you are able to care for your family because bums like me can't." Say it really sweet, and walk away. People who make snide remarks like you mentioned get their kicks out of making other people feel bad because they themselves have it hard...so, remember what my dad always told me..."kill em with kindness." (In other words, be a smart-aleck back, but don't make it seem that way!)

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Originally Posted By Pam M.

I have six children all biological...but when I told ppl I was planning to adopt they blew up...same kind of responses...when they say..."How can you have so many children?"..smile and say "How can you not have?"...or the ever popular..."Well, I guess you would say that."but say it with sympathy...for it truly is them that are missing out! When I am old and gray My table at holidays will be brimming over with family...will theirs? So smile! You have something they do not and because they do not they are jealous. Anything people do not understand they fear...so be tolerant of small minded individuals and thank God for your wonderfully large family! Pam

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Originally Posted By sarah

I would say, our family wouldn't be so large if the bio parents would learn to take care of them. Because they aren't able to take care of them we have been asked too.

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Originally Posted By Pam

Kathy,
I wanted to share our story with you...we have two bio children (11 years and 9 years old) and one adopted daughter (20 months). We always wanted 4 children: 2 boys and 2 girls. In a search for a son, we found 4 siblings (2 boys and 2 girls) in the foster care system that look like an excellent fit with our family! We are pursuing adopting this sibling group. We have had lots and lots of comments from friends and family. Some of the comments range into the questions of what are we doing? I think people bring their own experiences in parenting to those types of comments. We love our children and look forward to sharing that love and incorporating these children into our family. When the comments from strangers become too much to bear, we resort to the comment "thanks for sharing" and walk away. Since strangers do not know the circumstances and you are not obligated to inform them, the best strategy is to recognize their comments and dismiss them. I congratulate you and your family for supporting the children. They are our future and a solid foundation certainly makes everyones world a better place.

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I'm from a family of nine children, and I can say that having so many siblings get better as we all grow older. There's nothing like family, and its really a built-in support group, especially when I recently gave my baby up to be adopted by my older sister.

When people made comments to my Mom about having so many children she would smile, and say, "yes, we are truly blessed to have so many children." Or she would look at them sweetly and say, "hmm... which one don't you think I should have had?" when they couldn't answer she would say something like, "yeah, we couldn't decide either."

Good luck with all of your kids