[Marfrey]

You said People ask us why we want so many. I tell them because they don't. That's a really cold and presumptuous statement. I'm sure you get asked a lot but I'm also sure you could make the choice to be nicer when you respond.

[musicmama]

Sure, as the parents of 6 bio children 13 and under (and we're also in the process of adopting a bi-racial baby), we have been the recipients of hurtful comments like..."Boy, haven't you learned how to stop that?" or "Are they ALL YOURS?!?!", or my personal favorite (NOT)--"Honey, I think I need to show you a book about birth control."

But we have had our share of positive comments too (mostly from older couples). We have had complete strangers walk up to our table at restaurants and commend us for our beautifully behaved children....time after time after time. Sometimes they even talk about their own large families, and how great it is to see a couple who is committed to raising a large family in these hard times. We usually just say, "Yes, the Lord has truly blessed us", or "Thank you...we want our children to be a blessing to others, and that is what we have tried to teach them."

People who are small-minded will always be small-minded, so we usually just ignore hurtful comments...I don't want to bring myself down to their level.

Musicmama

[beverly gardner]

Marfrey,
It's not as hurtfull as what they say in front of my children. I am here to protect my children, not worry about a rude strangers feellings. You wouldn't believe what people have said in front of my children. Yes, they are my children. No matter what their color. We get as many rude comments from African American people as we do Caucasion people. If you don't want me to be rude to you, don't be rude to my family. The reason we have so many children, is because most people in the United States are so busy worrying about how many cars they can buy they don't think about the kids they could help with that extra money.

[Marfrey]

But isn't it just as important to teach your children how to appropriately handle situations? By being rude to people (granted they've been rude to you) aren't you teaching your children that being rude is okay? Children learn so much by example. And is rudeness really what you want your children to learn in those situations? I just think there's a better way to handle it so that is how I'll choose to approach those kinds of situations in front of my children.

We can't control other people... not what they say... not what they do. But we can control how we respond.

[pgecco]

In my first marriage DH was Tall and light brown hair, stepson was small with very blonde hair, DD is brown with dark eyes and hair, I am med. size with brown hair and green eyes. We looked more like a group than a family. Given my young age (had dd at 16) I am use to rude disapproving looks and comments. It is important how you choose to respond. I will acknowledge that there will always be time we are less able to take the high road. Forgive yourself for those times! Spend a little time at home coming up with some enlightening and powerful come backs. The ones that are less insulting but very shaming will serve the situation best. That way you feel vendicated and the recipient will be better educated.

My new DH and I are looking to adopt a sibling group so I will now add another "easy target" chapter to my parental life. I have a great deal of exp. in these situations (lifelong!) so asailants beware!

I will say this. The suggestion of always keeping your children (and yourself) neat and clean in appearance is an excellent suggestion. I know it caters to society's small mindedness but it also teaches us to take pride in our appearance and makes our children less of a target. We as adults can better handle attacks like these by strangers, our children are resiliant but we should protect their self esteeme in EVERY way we can. I also liked the "which one would you get rid of....we couldn't decide either" comment. LOL I find that in all the negative comments I have recieved the best come back is to:
Lean in and say "I'm sorry , what do you mean?.... if they repeat themselves or explain I look alittle surprised and giggle while walking off and saying..."oh ..ha ha, you think...."*laugh, Laugh*.... and walk off never finishing the staement. The wonder eternally what their mistake was. The joke is now on them. If you laugh really loud the will also be embarrassed! "I'd usally add a loud laught "Oh my...that's good,,haha"...or if appropriate..."talk about your vaccuous neanderthals!" (big words confuse and embarrass them, this is only for non-highroad days).
Good luck

[Dimak]

It's not our fault the us government would rather foster children be raised and adopted by loving parents like us, then placed in orphanages where they will be left to fend for handouts from people like you.

If you can say it without hurting the children, it might jsut keep that person from ever making a comment like that again