[megara]

Hi. I hope I don't regret posting here. I've been trying in vain to work through this. I have 3 older kids and then we adopted three girls from foster care and sometimes I have these deep, horrible feelings like I wish I'd never done any of it. I'm not a good enough and patient enough person. They are 8, 7, and 5 now and been adopted a year. It's mostly the middle girl that's killing me and I kinda bleed that onto the whole situation. She is so often ornery and feels persecuted by the world and says no one likes her and then she makes it come true by how she treats people. She's been diagnosed with PTSD and my heart goes out to her, but try as I might not to let her, she makes me ornery and upset and then I'm mad at myself over it all. (Just FYI, I was adopted too, as a baby, and I don't take it personally when the 7 yr old cries for her mom and stuff. I always wondered about mine but it hurt my mom for me to talk about it so I didn't.)

I've read some of your posts and how anxious people are to adopt so I hate to be the negative one...but I was looking for a place to get some help. I've talked to a counselor but I think she was the wrong one cuz she really intimidated me. I can look for another but I was hoping for some ideas from those in the trenches....

[kretzklan]

Find an attachment therapist for your children (and you) to work with and find a therapist that works in family issues for yourself to work with. I think you need both. I suffered from PAD - it sounds like you could be suffered as well. It's not fun to feel guilty, but know that you are NOT alone...there are many of us. There is a board here called post adoption emotional support (I think) - try looking for it and maybe posting there or at least reading some of that material. I still struggle (at 3 years home) to bond with my middle child. It is sad, but I'm getting help for them and me (they both have minor forms of AD). So, I just wanted to offer a cyber hug and tell you that you are doing the best you can. Attachment parenting takes a lot of emotional response out of it and allows me to be more calm - when I'm doing it well! That could be helpful for you as well.