[Q-rocks]

We're just starting the adoption process and will be adopting from our state's foster care system. There is a particular set of siblings we're interested in and I know they may not still be available when we're approved.

When you've decided on the sibling group to adopt, how long is it before the kids know someone wants to adopt them? How long does it take to get them placed with you after you're approved?

Kathy

[DianeScraps]

Depending on the situation, ours were not able to know until well after they were placed with us (though they weren't dumb and asked the social workers about it)

[marythemom]

We're adopting from out of state and only met our children once before the placement. We were not allowed to tell them until they were going to officially be placed with us and all the ICPC paperwork was final. We met them at the beginning of September and they were not approved until the end of October. We had been talking to them on the phone the whole time, but just said that we wanted them, but didn't know what was going to happen (technically I don't think we were even supposed to say that much). They moved in with us November 4 2006 and have been here ever since (except for the older boy's 6 month stay in residential treatment).

The months in between our meeting them, and them actually being placed were incredibly hard on the children (and of course us!). They both have severe attachment issues and that didn't help at all.

Mary
mom to biodaughter K(11) and bioson T(8)
almost finalized on daughter C(12) and hope to someday finalize on her brother D(14).
"We may not have it all together, but together we have it all!"

[mellaf]

Seems we are doing things backwards...We will be fost to adopt parents and are going through the Mass. DSS system. I think that we were going to wait to be matched, and then we went to an adoption party pre-meeting to talk with social workers and learned of a 10 year old girl (I call her Sparkle )from one of the nearby offices. We spoke to her social worker at length during that meeting and both sides were excited of the possible match.

We met the girl at the adoption party a couple weeks later. Apparently, her social worker told her that there was a family interested in meeting her so she went and wrote up a whole page full of questions to ask us!! We spent most of the 3 hour party shooting hoops, kicking a soccer ball around and talking with her, her social worker and our social worker. Fast forward a couple of weeks, and we've been told that both SW's have discussed it and we're unofficially matched

All of this has happened BEFORE our home study is officially done. It's been "Almost completed" since July. Finally, Christmas Eve it was submitted for approval, and we are STILL waiting, but we had been hoping to get things tied up by Christmas so that we could sit down for disclosure and possibly begin visits, but it didn't happen. We're not even allowed to communicate with her until home study is approved and we've sat down for disclosure.

So through my ramblings, I think it all depends on the situation. We were told that adoption parties don't usually yield a lot of matches, but we're hoping we're one of the few. We just wish we could spend more time with Sparkle.

[Empty_Nest]

All of ours knew fairly early. All of them happened in the eighties though. Things may have changed since then.

We first adopted two from Korea at ages four and six. We sent photos and other info to the kids about six months before placement was expected. The foster parents in Korea and their Korean worker helped explain to the kids that we were their new family and what would happen when it was time for the placement.

Our third child came from Brazil at age 11 and the procedure was pretty much the same. A missionary handled that one and explained to our daughter about being adopted, who we were, and what would happen.

The last five, ages 6-12, came from another state and we sent pictures and maybe a VCR tape to help the kids get to know us a little. They had a good understanding of adoption and had been in foster care for years. Their caseworker helped them get used to the idea. The foster parents did not want to lose the money they were getting, so did their best to sabotage the placement before it even started. But that's another story.

Through all of our placements, everyone involved was open about the fact the kids were going to be adopted, before they were actually placed. Due to their varying ages, it's hard to know how much of it they really understood at the time, but IMO it was helpful for them to know our family was supposed to be their last big move, and we would, in theory, be their final set of parents.

[sundara]

We adopted a family of 4 sibs, and also had to wait for ICPC to complete due to being an out-of-state adoption.

We were selected by the caseworkers on Aug 4th, 2001, but the kids could not be told WHO was selected until ICPC completion, which took until end of Nov 2001 - this was a LOOOOONG 4 months for us and the kids. All the kids were allowed to know during this 4 months was that they interveiwed 7 families but were waiting on paperwork that had to be done before they could tell them anything about it - that was it.

Once ICPC was completed, they gave the kids the photo album & info we had dropped off back in August, and we got to meet them at the end of that week (by now, Dec 2nd!). We drove out every weekend for 6 weeks (6 hour drive each way) to see them prior to placement (and a 6-week placement after first meeting was considered fast in this state).

The adoption was finalized a year later.

[Tudu]

DFCS told the foster parents of our kids about a week before we met the kids. The FPs were not supposed to tell them but the day we met them they started calling us their new mom and dad so someone spilled the beans.
As far as when they will move in really depends on quite a few things like the time of year (they would want to wait until a break in school) or waiting on TPR to be granted. In our case we were matched in Jan just a few days before TPR was granted, then the parents filed an appeal and then they made a last ditch effort to find family to take all of them even though they had been in care for over 5 years w/o anyone qualifying. We ended up not meeting the kids until May and they moved in in June for an extended visit (over a month long visit where they didn't have to pay anyone a per diem cause it was just a visit) and were formally placed in July.

[JeannineW]

When do you first meet the kids? I thought you would meet them before you made a firm decision to adopt. What if you finally meet them and personalities just don't mesh?

[marythemom]

We submitted a homestudy and were chosen. Actually the first family they chose turned them down! We then received the de-identified records (and discovered probably WHY the first family changed their mind). Our kids looked HORRIBLE on paper. I told my husband no way - no how, but he convinced me to talk to the foster parents for them. The foster parents assured us they had made huge strides in foster care. We drove from Texas to Nebraska to meet them.

After a 3 day weekend spent with them (they visited with us almost all day each day), we decided that we wanted to proceed with the adoption. I'm not sure what the kids were told. They're older so must have known that we were interested in adopting them. We talked to them every week, but weren't allowed to say we wanted to adopt them while we waited for the ICPC paperwork to be complete. (We hinted like crazy though so they wouldn't feel rejected).

Three months later we went to pick them up. No visits. Probably not the best way to do it, but everyone was going crazy with the waiting, and we couldn't imagine putting our daughter (at the time with unmedicated severe ADHD) through the torture of traveling back and forth.

One year later and we still haven't finalized the adoptions, but that's more due to adoption subsidy and post adoption services issues now.

Mary
mom to D(14 and his sister C(12) - we are hoping to finalize soon!
and bio kids T(8) and K(11)
"We may not have it all together, but together we have it all!"

[GoddessDanu]

We're going through DHS in Oregon and DH and I were told that we couldn't meet the kids until we were selected for the adoption and we'd be meeting them because we'd be taking them home. Maybe have it wrong? I'd love to meet the kids and talk to them on the phone before taking them home with us.

[naca]

We're trying to adopt our daughters biological sibling and are waiting on the ICPC to go thru (we're already licensed foster/adoptive parents in our state).. We have not been allowed to meet or have any contact with her sister and are told we won't get that opportunity until ICPC is approved.. I always thought that was kinda backwards, you'd think that the adoptive parents should have the info in front of them to make a choice before going thru the whole ICPC mess.. Not that we'd back out anyway but still! LOL!

[mich9768]

If I am understanding our place in the process correctly we have been matched and selected. We are waiting on the kids "package". After we read that and approve, we fly to meet them 2x before bringing them home. I am not sure where the ICPC falls into that senario. It is April now; told we would have the kids info end April/early May and would then make travel arrangements for June.

[theruhls]

We found out that we were matched in early Feb. and still haven't even started the ICPC. Very long and frustrating. No, the kids don't even know that we exist, for fear that something will still fall through. It's very hard. Evidentally it was a lot more paperwork because our social worker didn't have a "contract" on file with the state of TX. I was told today that the ICPC will be sent out by end of the week hopefully. But I've been told that before. I'd count on 6 months for an out of state adoption, and then be pleasantly suprised if it's shorter. Don't know how long of a wait we have from here. I've heard 7-10 business days and i've heard 1-2 months. I'll be glad when it's all over...for more reasons than one!

Bio children:
g-7
b-3
g-1

Adopting siblings
g-11
g-10
b-8
g-6
b-4

soon to be mom of 8!! Can't wait!!

[mich9768]

Our agency doesn't have a contract on file with TX either and they won't either. They said that TX's requirements are crazy. Is your worker willing to go to contract with Texas? If so, would you mind sending me their info so I can see if they will help me as well? My agency said that other agencies might be reluctant to do the post-placements as they didn't do my homestudy. Why did they not tell me that when we contracted with them to do our homestudy? Arrrgggghhhhh.

Who is thinking about the kids??????????????

[theruhls]

As I said in a previous reply to your post, yes, our worker has signed the contract. We are using homestudy services of North Carolina. Small company, and she is really,really nice. It's worth a shot calling her... she took us under odd circumstances as well. Have you heard anything on how long the ICPC takes? I've heard anywhere from 7-10 business days to 1-2 months. I'm hoping the lesser!