[lakin11]

First off let me tell you how excited I am to see this forum growing! Thanks Roonie!
Okay, here is my quandry...our 3 foster siblings have been w/ us since Jan 10th. They have not seen their bmom since Jan 6th if not before. She more or less went missing from 2/2 to 3/20....SW couldn't track her down, all mail returned, all phones disconnected, etc. Well on 3/20 she shows up at SW's office. SW came to our house later that day for her bi-monthly visit and shared with us that bmom is pregnant. She is guessing she's about 6 months along. We are more than likely going to end up with this baby in our home. While this all could become a moot point come the end of April when we go to court again, right now I'm questioning what we should say to the kids to prepare them.
If they have not had any visitations with her before the baby is born, they are not going to know she's pregnant unless we tell them. Its highly possible she will run again and we'll never see this baby. However, if she is going to truly try to get these 3 back, she's going to have to stay here! I don't know if we should wait till the baby is born and here before saying anything to the kids. I know if I were pregnant myself, we'd be discussing it all along to prepare them for the huge changes. I also hate waiting till the very very last minute before getting the crib and stuff set back up! However, I don't know what we'd say/do if the baby doesn't come! Plus how do I explain to them that this is really their brother or sister and that mommy J had this baby. (this is assuming they haven't seen her to know she's pregnant).

I know I'm probably worrying too much about all this, I just know if it were me that were pregnant, there would be a lot of discussing whats going to happen.

Any words of wisdom, please share!! Thanks so much!
Shannon

[Roon63]

you are too too sweet! Your welcome....love seeing this forum active too...hope to see some folks from other avenues of adoption veer in, and shine some knowledge also.

Now for my pearls of wisdom...lol

I wouldn't tell them a thing, nada, zilch, neyt about the baby or mom being pregnant. If and when the baby comes from your body, from their mom, or another placement it will be their sibling. If you were pregnant the question would be, can I hold the baby, can the baby sleep with me, why is the baby in there? Preparing a child for a new bro or sister looks good on paper, but wowza, just flow with it as it happens!
As they grow older, questions will arise, and hearts will be hurt, but your job is to be there then, to tell the truth, and help mend those hurts.
Me, I would want the crib up yesterday, and driving my poor hubby nuts-s with I wonder and what if questions. Give your hubby a break! lol

[Canadamom92]

Hi Shannon,

Do you have an update for us?

Dawn H.

[lakin11]

Hi Dawn and others!
I wish I had an update! We suspect that bmom is due anytime in the next few weeks. We all think that she's taken off out of our state in order to keep the baby. She failed to appear in court on April 26th, and May 9th. SW has tried to call her, but the phone is now disconnected. She'd never given the SW her address, so she couldn't go to a place to look for her. We are guessing she's in California, where we are told her mom lives and where she went before when we didn't know where she was. We are just keeping the spot open, but not counting on getting the sibling. We have done some respite for a friend and her foster babies, so we've had babies in the house. The kids do amazingly well. I am glad we hadn't said anything to them about this new one. If we do end up with the baby, its still going to be hard for them to comprehend I think. As soon as I know anything, I'll post.
Thanks for thinking of us!
Shannon

[Canadamom92]

Hi Shannon,

Glad to know you still have the kiddos. It sounds like you have more information on them than you thought you'd get originally - it's good that you have some info for them anyway (even if they're not asking the questions yet).

Thanks for the update! I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!

Dawn H.

[lakin11]

Still nothing on the baby. We are pretty sure bmom has flown the coop and is lost to the world. The SW says she's floating in the wind somewhere. Shes also at a loss on how to find her. There is a warrant out for her arrest so if she does anything illegal (and caught), even a speeding ticket, she'll be arrested. So I guess we just wait.

We had talked about opening our 4th spot up this fall/winter to another child, but I think we are going to hold off even longer. We'll see. We might know then if we are likely going to be able to adopt these 3 and if so, we want some time to really let it sink in for all of us that they get to stay
Shannon