[8408Basil]

So you adopted a sibling group a couple years ago--would you share some of the ups and downs? I've been a single mom for over 15 years, and now my 'little' girl is in college. I want to adopt two girls, somewhere between 4-10, but I'm really nervous. RAD, alcohol exposre, and things like that. It would be awful for kids who needed more than I could give to be stuck with me. (I would give it my heart and soul, but being brutally honest with myself, sometimes love and hope can't cure some problems.) So..no one can answer the "should I adopt question" for me, but I truly would like to hear about how the last few years have gone, what you've dealt with, and what you expect for your/their future.

[knudsons]

Is there such thing a steh baby blues when you don't have one. I am having major depression symptoms since yesterday being Mother's Day. Basically can't stop crying. We have beenin and out of this process for 4 years now , we had a group of 5 then 3 then now since 2003 none. Started with one agency last January as in 2005 they didn't agree with sib adooption switched to new one, didn't agree with number requested might i say this was all after classes and studies then got this wonderful agency we have now however my study has been submitted to states, primarily Texas and Mass over 100 times We are looking for up to 4 of any race and gender 10 and under how much more basic can you get. We have even been told we have to much experience and training to get low needs children. I am just so sad 4 years into this and nothing. I am ready for domestic I swear only hubby says we can't afford it as we already have $5000 into homestudies and I am a stay at home mom. Today has got to be my lowest I swear.

[Canadamom92]

Knudsons,

I'm sorry you've ended up with such a long and difficult wait. Have the workers given you any reason why things are taking so long?

If you're not already, you might want to be a bit more visible to your worker - maybe call once every two weeks to see if there's any news (if you're not doing that already)?

Have you tried looking through the online photolistings and contacting the workers representing the children you might be interested in? I'm not from the US, but I'm assuming the process is somewhat similar to what we're going through. I've found that I've gotten a good response from childrens' workers when I have contacted them directly. Sometimes it's easier to do the legwork yourself instead of having your worker do it - you make yourself a priority that way, instead of waiting for your worker to make you a priority.

I know there's a good chance that you've tried all of these things already, but I thought I'd throw some ideas out there just in case.

Because you're looking to adopt a sib group, it's odd that you've had to wait so long...

Hope things start improving for you soon,
Dawn H.

[knudsons]

Thanks for the suggestions. I actually contact my worker atleast once a week and I check every online listing daily and send out , fax and email studies weekly at this point having about atleast 50 out. My worker says she had a co worker read it and it is perfect listed our foster and over 200 hours of training etc... I have been turned down for one group because they said we were to experienced to waste on these children as they had no special needs Talked to my worker yesterday and explained my frustration she told me that yes although there are many out there that adopting from foster care can take over a year from when you send study. What can be done about this that is rediculous an extra year in foster homes because of paperwork? I told her i think w eare ready to start looking into international sibling groups or multiples.

[Canadamom92]

Hi Shelly,

That's what I thought you would say... You put me to shame when it comes to being proactive . I thought there was no way you could have been waiting so long and not have figured out those suggestions on your own by now, and boy was I right! Those were just the only things I could think of...

I think it's awful that you've been turned down because you have too much training. Talk about giving people no incentive to pursue training! "Get the training so that we can not place children with you and place them with parents with no training instead." It's obviously a bigger waste having you sitting there with all of your training and no kids - low needs or otherwise! There's bound to be a worker out there that's going to finally get around to reading your profile and realize s/he'd better move fast before someone else snaps you up! Let's just hope it happens soon.

Dawn H.

[knudsons]

We have been selected and accepted the oppurtunity to adopt a sibling group of 4 from San Bernadino California

[lakin11]

woohoo!!! congrats! how soon will you be meeting them? yea!!!! doing happy dance foe you!!
shannon

[Canadamom92]

Wow Shelly!!!


Great news! How old are they, boys or girls, when can you meet them?!

Dawn H.

[claschober]

Congratulations and best of luck to you and your family! Our two boys adoption from San Bernardino County will hopefully be finalized in the next month or two.

[lambeausam]

Congratulations!!!! Hope the transition home goes smoothly.

Sam

[Crane13]

We have been looking for our children for about a year. We were recently matched to three children out of state, ages 8 to 11. We went to see them early July and fell for each other! I could not believe how brave and excited they were! They came to visit us yesterday and will stay for a week. Then they will return after ICPC, which is already in the mail...

I have been waiting for this forum for a while now!

DH and I, two foster sons (6 and 3, have been here for years), three new kiddos (forever!!!) and two dogs. That would put us at seven or nine, which ever way you view the dogs... The pups can be pretty "special needs" if you know what I mean!

Glad to be entering the club!

[claschober]

Congratulations on your recent addition to your family......Wow, it sounds like you have a house full! How are your two boys adjusting to having three older kids in the house?

I have two dogs as well so I know exactly what you mean by special needs. Sometimes I think the transition and adjustment period was harder on the dogs than it was for my boys.

Keep us posted and enjoy your week with your kids! Are you hoping to have them moved in before the school year starts? Here is hoping everything goes smoothly from here on out!

[Kiradikash]

Hello,

I'm looking at possibly adopting this sibling family of 7 children. They're from my area. The oldest is 17 and the youngest is 2.

[knudsons]

Do you know them? I personally had never looked at groups with a sibling this age as in most cases when that sibling turns 18 if they can provide care the states will allow placement with them, some states even do that at 17. What state are you in?

[sundara]

How wonderful that you are considering taking on such a large family - I adopted a family of 4 kids, and it's great, but even I would struggle with the thought of 7 kids (and my husband grew up in a family of 7 kids, and me in a family of 5 kids, and he balked at first when I looked into 4)!!

I am concerned about the post that implies letting the 17 year old age out of the system could be an ok thing to do - 17 yr old kids need a permanent family too, and letting them age out is not a great idea if they can be adopted (they still need a permanent family, emotional support, a place to live, etc). Aging out can be very hard on a kid - they often are "let go" by the system with very little support, and no finances or family to help them - not a pretty picture.

Of course, the answer to the question of adopting all seven or some of the seven really depends on what you believe you can handle, and what each member of the group's situation is, as well as what the SW's recommendations for the family unit.

Financially, if this is a domestic adoption from foster care:
- there are several states that offer financial support for college for domestic foster adoptees who are 16 or over when adopted.
- You should automatically qualify for the adoption tax credit (10K per child adopted - yes, that would be 70k for 7 kids, the credit can be used over 5 years)
- adoption assistance should be automatically available for any sibling group larger than 2 kids, so you should receive this as well. Assistance for the oldest usually ends automatically the month they turn 18.
- Medicaid - this is really invaluable - it will pick up balances after your primary insurance (if you have it) pays its share. Medicaid providers must write off any balances after that. Really helpful if kids need hospitalization or other large bills.