[Crane13]

Has anyone ever fostered siblings and then had them moved after a long time so that the siblings can be together? I am not sure if our agency is just being plain mean or what, but they have us pretty scared. They called and said that they would not give us a placement that we were contacted about because we have two seperate sib groups in our home. (two are from a group of five, and in three total homes, and one is from a set of two in 2 total homes...) So anyway, we have had all of these kiddos for ten months. One of the kids is even borderline RAD. Another move could be really bad for him. The kids are happy with us and us with them. They are in school and really thriving. And now there is talk of moving them to a home where they can be with sibs. We even signed permanancy committments. All of the foster moms are friends and we get together frequently. These kids know each other and even go to church together. I am just wondering if this is normal. People from the agency are not really telling us anything right now... even to the point of being avoided. I am just scared for my kids. I always thought that I would foster and adopt forever. I thought I would lose the kids to their family or a relative. And I was prepared for that and even can support that. But I never thought that I would lose the kids inside the agency to another foster or adoptive home! And all of the homes that have the sibs would like to adopt them. I just don't understand this. And this might put us out of the foster care system for good. This is very painful and I don't know if I can do it again.

It seems to me that the families that the agency likes are the ones that don't get attached and are fine with the kids moving or what ever. Then those of us who are committed to making a home for foster children are the ones who get burned. Is this why so many older foster children have attachment disorder?

[rindava]

you may have a lot more "power" then you think about the kids leaving or not, the state my son is from, foster parents have a lot of power, in my home state unless the kids has been with you more the 18 months, you have no hope really, and even then if you fight them you most likely will loose adoption subsidy, but do have a good chance of winning in court...

I agree with you about the foster family thing though, the ones who seem not to care when a kid comes and leaves, always treat the foster kids like outsiders (no activites, good clothes, etc.....) transports kids to any visits are like their favorite foster homes ...and the ones who really get attached to the kids and treat them with respect and try to give them some kind of normal life, they dump on them and they usually quit....

[lucyjoy]

Any chance it's the judge pushing for the siblings to be placed together? Have you or the other families tried talking to the GAL? Are the kids TPR'd? Are the kids pushing to be placed together? Do they have a home willing to take all the sibs together? Are there therapists involved? If it's the judge and GAL pushing for the kids to be placed together, you're going to have a hard time keeping them. However, if it's the workers, you may have more leverage if you can get therapists and GAL's on your side. Normally, foster parents get first option of adopting the kids in their homes. Were these kids' goals adoption from the onset of being placed with you or were they still expected to return to their bhomes? All of these things factor in to how the decisions are made. Laws vary from state to state as well. Hope you get some answers that will be best for everyone involved.