[coalie]

We have a 4 year old biological son and would like to adopt at least one child. We do not want to adopt an infant. Is there any book out there, or advice on how to best add to the family? My son says that he doesn't want a sibling, so we're not off to a good start. I would hate to add a child to our family and have them not feel welcome because of my son wants to stay an only child.

[tybeemarie]

I really like the book Our Own, which is about older child adoption. Trish Maskew is the author. That might have some good advice, because I believe the author had a biological child and then adopted 2 older children internationally.

Another great book is Attaching in Adoption by Deborah Gray. It's very practical. I don't have any biological children, so I can't specifically recall if it had a chapter on blending siblings, but it is a great book for people adopting older children.

The authors of Parenting the Hurt Child, another fantastic book, were at the NACAC conference, and they were doing some work on how adopting children affects the children already in the family, particularly those who do not have the same issues. The authors are Regina Kupecky and Gregory Keck. They work at the Attachment Center of Ohio, as I recall.

Good luck!

[mommy3]

I found that some children just need to get used to the idea. A friend reminded me to not say "the new baby" (in our case), but instead, "a baby brother or sister." We also found we had to clarify where the brother or sister would sleep (own room), be in the car (own seat). oooohhh, that helped a lot. Then, I did also ask if we had enough love to share -- that's what it was about. And, then, my son realized we did have enough love; in fact, he said, we had plenty. He was afraid of the idea of sharing initially -- and then we worked that through. He began to realize that a lot of his friends had little siblings. Oh, I was so glad they did. We're still waiting, but it was great to give my children time to "get on board." -- all the best as you sort this out. susan